How important is High School

<p>Hmmmm, Kirmum. It's hard to put into words, but I think what made the boarding school experience good for my kids was being in an immersion in a culture of 24/7 academics, history and tradition (and a bit of nontradition!), being in an inspiring setting among brilliant peers (some scholarship and some otherwise) and teachers from all over the world. My kids were anything but unwanted and wealthy. Their peers were much-loved children too with strong families. Like at many schools, there are kids with crummy families. Like at many schools, these kids tend not to thrive. My kids bonded deeply with their friends, and though they're scattered all over the world, they keep in touch. I know that for everything I could isolate, someone would be able to relate their kids had similar things at a local public or private school or homeschool. I'd never try to talk a kid or parent into boarding school. I know some people wouldn't like it at all. It's probably like a blind man and the elephant thing, where your view is colored by the stereotypes you might have heard or whether your kid had a good experience or not. I just know my kids found that they had a profound h.s. experience and I wish my own h.s. experience had been as inspiring and fulfilling. Mine was institutional, one size fits all, a few brainiacs who could learn even if shut into a cave, the rest of us left to sink or swim in the indifference of our overworked teachers, a nasty youth culture. When I first started looking into boarding schools and asked around, I received a lot of flak, so I don't talk about it anymore in real life. I do know that if I ever come into money, I'd like to donate some of it for scholarships so a kid who wanted this experience could have it.</p>

<p>if your daughter is smart and highly motivated, give some serious thought to creating her educational opportunities yourself. Every selective college in the country has accepted kids who never attended a traditional high school. My son has just been accepted to Caltech and MIT, and he's never attended any school at all below college. We homeschooled for 12 years. "Homeschool" is a misnomer, btw. It doesn't mean that you are restricted to the resources of your home, or that you have to know and personally teach your child anything. You just have to help her find appropriate resourses. CC and other college courses, distance learning high school and college courses, tutors, self study, and homeschool classes are all possibilities. You can buy a lot of materials and hire a lot of hand-selected tutors for what you would spend on private school. I suggest "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" by Grace Llewellyn for lots of ideas to get you started.</p>

<p>Funny, but the whole boarding school scene seems to be a well kept secret. My frm is involved with several pro bono education cases and I came to understand how much some fellow partners in my firm know about education. When asked why they send their kids to these boarding schools, their answers are very much like momstheword's. It's not for everyone, yet it's the most amazing experience experience for the kids who want it. So folks, who are these kids? I would have dismissed the idea if these kids didn't seem to absolutely glow from inner joy!</p>

<p>Kirmum:</p>

<p>Maybe on the West Coast, but on the East Coast, boarding schools are a well-known phenomenon.
Chinaman's two sons are at Exeter and are thriving. A friend of mine lives in a suburban town with what he and spouse deem a mediocre hs. They sent their D to a private day school but found it was not challenging enough, so they sent the D to Andover. She is boarding there despite the fact that it is only 45 minutes away and absolutely loves it, She seldom goes home because she has so much to do with friends. The best private schools can offer absolutely wonderful experiences to kids who do not mind being away from home, whether home is a few miles or 1,000 miles away.<br>
Boarding school is not for everyone, however. Last year, on CC, there was a very articulate young man who was at Milton Academy (part boarding school and part day school). He clearly pined for home despite the fact that he was getting a great education, totally free. At the end of the year, he decided to return to Chicago.</p>

<p>we have friends on the west coast whose kids attended boarding schools, Andover was a long tradition in their family however, and while they didn't eventually choose Andover for their own kids, they did find a school that they they all were very happy with.</p>

<p>I also have friends who are from the east coast and attended boarding schools themselves ( boys schools) and would never send their kids to boarding schools.
I think it really depends on the family and the student as much as the school.We feel that while boarding schools can provide a strong academic and social experience, we want to be more hands on with these critical last years of childhood, and we were able to find strong academics in our area.</p>

<p>Homeschooling is also often an option. I know Mini homeschooled his daughter and she sounds to be very accomplished and is doing well in college.
I was wondering about that because he is in Olympia where we have other friends who are very impressed with the school system there , although like most if not all school systems in Washington, it is underfunded.</p>

<p>BTW, my kids went to Andover.</p>

<p>I've been warned off Milton and other school's with big day student populations. Marite, what do you think caused this child to want to return home? Emeraldkity4, do you know which schools on the west coast your friends sent their children to? Does anyone know about the Cate School near Santa Barbara?</p>

<p>Lawrenceville is the school that my friends attended. Hotchkiss is the school that my daughters friends attended.
I don't know anything about the Cate school, but another of my daughters friends attended the Athenian school in the california foothills</p>

<p>To Youngmom:
I see a disconnect between "My daughter on the other hand is a social butterfly and a very happy go lucky child" and the aspiration to attend Harvard or Yale, and to do as well as her brother. I think part of this may simply reflect your daughter's immaturity and lack of awareness of options other than the top colleges -- something that is perfectly normal for a young child with a high-achieving sibling.</p>

<p>If it were me, I'd explore the public school options in the local community -- even if moving to a place where the school rep wasn't so great -- and help steer my daughter to more realistic choices. Unless she is exceptionally bright, she won't make it to the Ivies with a "happy go lucky" attitude - wherever she goes she will have to work very hard to stay at the top of her class academically and accumulate the EC's and outside achievements that will put her in the running for acceptance at top colleges. From the description of her personality - and her aversion to the snobbish private school kids -- I not only think that this is a recipe for disaster at high school, it might also be a recipe for disaster in terms of college choice -- she might be happier at a college with more down-to-earth and fun loving kids than the more driven and highly competitive kids who make it into the elite colleges. </p>

<p>My two cents: the most important thing about the high school years is helping the child grow from early adolescence into a confident, capable young adult. For that reason, it is equally or more important for the high school to be a good "match" for the child's personality as for the college. </p>

<p>I would say: sit down with your daughter and discuss with her, seriously, what she will need to do in high school to qualify for admissions at an Ivy league college. Reassure her that you do not expect her to compete with her brother, and that no matter how proud you have acted about her brother's accomplishments, you will be equally proud if her life takes her in different directions, just so long as she grows up to follow her dreams and find her own definition of success. Try to arrange for her to visit prospective high schools, or at least meet kids who attend the schools -- to get the inside story of what each school is like. Then allow her to make the choice.</p>

<p>In short, the best high school for your daughter is the one where she is happiest. I also have a social-butterfly daughter, and one hard lesson I learned early on was that my daughter really could NOT thrive or do well in any environment where she was not able to be accepted and to make some close friends. As an introvert, I couldn't relate and I thought it was dumb that she often made choices based on what her friends were doing, but I realized eventually that her need to be in the company of friends was as valid and important as my more self-involved focus on personal aspirations and goals. </p>

<p>There is no one right answer. I just feel that for my family, it has been right for me to prioritize my kid's emotional health and well being over academic goals. I was very lucky because my kids could find local public high schools with magnet programs that were well suited to their different personalities - your daughter's public school options may not be as good -- a public school, especially in a new community, is not exactly a guarantee of a great social life. So I'm not advocating in favor of public vs. private; rather, I'm just advocating in favor of allowing your daughter to prioritize the social factors over the academic in making her choice.</p>

<p>Kirmum:</p>

<p>I think it's a combination of factors. A very bright young man, he was not sufficiently challenged in his mediocre school, but found himself working very hard at Milton and getting only Bs. Athough other students also got Bs, it was hard for him to accept, especially when thinking how it would affect his college chances. Another factor was that with the mix of boarding and day students, there was not the vaunted social atmosphere of schools such as Andover or Exeter or St Paul, though Milton is extremely popular as a day school in our area. Finally, he really missed his family and friends. So, even though Milton upped his scholarship to retain him, he decided to return to Chicago. You can try to google his posts under Gianscolere.</p>

<p>Marite, I recall that student vividly. As well, a local girl here decided to go away to Milton in soph year on a full scholarship. This girl was an excellent student at the time, a star soccer player, a star jazz saxophone player, as well as on a varsity ski team. I don't know all the details and rhymes or reasons in her case, but I don't think she liked certain aspects of it. One was the level of supervision in living in dorms, very restrictive, not the same coming and going as at home. Shockingly she was not on the soccer team being a lowly soph I guess though was a standout in our state. I think she was still in jazz music though. Anyway, after the first year, she came back to our high school. I think at one point she considered going back to Milton but having an apartment, but I can't recall which year that was, might have been regarding twelfth grade. But everything in her life seemed to change after that. She did not like our high school (this itself is not uncommon with some of the top students) and I don't know that she took a full load or school day that year. But by senior year, she barely attended our school....she dropped out of soccer and ski team....came to school for jazz band (her father teaches/directs jazz at our school), and took two courses at local colleges. She really dropped out of all her ECs she had done at the school (and exceled at), though I think she is still active in horseback riding, another thing she did avidly and has her own horse. She graduated with my D last June, but many here think of her story as a girl at the top where something seemed to have gone wrong. I do not know that she even went to college this year. </p>

<p>Then a friend of my younger D's went to Andover last year for tenth grade. She said she really liked it but then decided to come back to our high school this year. I do not know all her "issues" either but I think some of it was homesickness and when I saw her over the summer, she mentioned coming back to our high school with the option if she wanted to return at some point to Andover. She came to school the first day of 11th grade this past August. By the second day, she was back at Andover! I guess whatever drove her to want to get out of our high school, she was reminded of real quick. She is at Andover now. </p>

<p>I don't really think the issue needs to be over which high school is the best high school in terms of getting into college. I have no doubt that a highly motivated student who excels, is going to excel no matter where they are. However, the decision over which high school (if you even have a choice, as I do not think we do as there is only one game in town unless you want or can afford to send your child to boarding school), should be solely over which one they want to attend and which feels like the best school to fit their needs at the time. College itself will follow no matter which high school is chosen. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

<p>Thank you for all of the info. I did find a site on boarding schools that has been helpful, but couldn't find any books on the subject at a large bookstore. Can anyone recommend a source of further info? My daughter is very bright, a high test scorer and is at a very competitive private school which has higher SAT scores than those I found on the Review site for Choate and Andover. She is at the top of the class at her school. She is artistic, a dancer and strong math/science student. Very social as well. Also plays several sports competitively. Any thoughts on specific schools to look at would be appreciated.</p>