My ex and I were both 20 when we met. We got married 5 years later, after a short (4-6 mos?) engagement. We had kids 7 years after that (12 years of knowing each other), and then got divorced 4 or 5 years after that. We lived together officially for close to 3 years before marriage.
Second husband and met in summer, were engaged at NYs, married over a year after that (had some things to work out), and have been married 20 years now.
1 son and his GF have been living together since 2016. They are both 27.
Other son has been living with his GF since January of last year. They are 24 and 25.
Step-daughter has been living with her BF since last October. They are 29 and 28).
Fortunately, we like all of their SOs. When (or if) they get married is entirely up to them - I am OK with a long timeline. BUT - I am hoping for grandkids at some point in the future.
I believe every couple’s falling in love journey is unique. Your second question, why the timeline is so protracted, it what interests me most. Factors might include: did the couple’s parents’ marriage end in divorce? H and I agreed that none of our friends growing up were from divorced homes. Other factors might include, does the couple share a faith life? And, of course, is there significant student debt? Just a few thoughts on what might be behind society’s change. I’m sure there are many, many others.
Met second day of Freshman year.
Engaged last day of Sophomore year.
Married 4 months after graduation.
So ~28 months. I have no idea whether this is considered long these days (I’m pretty sure it’s not short).
It wouldn’t be considered short, but around here (MA) it would be considered young in this day and age. I don’t think too many kids get married right after college anymore. It wasn’t a lot when I was a student 30 years ago, but it is even less now (in this part of the world at least).
H and I dated 2 years then moved in together for 3 years before getting engaged. We were married 9 months later and D1 was born 14 months after our wedding. We will be married 31 years in August.
Getting married that young isn’t really big here, it’s closer to 30 even if you’ve been dating a while (I have a friend who started dating her husband at 15, they got married at 27 and had their only child at 33, only wanted one).
H and I went on our first date in Jan his senior year of college (met there) and married that August having decided to do so in May. No regrets nor was their a baby on the way. His going into the Navy sped things up. In hindsight we’re glad we’ve had so much time together instead of spending a lot of time plotting.
We have three boys in their 20s. Two are married. The middle one has a SO. Oldest married after his wife graduated from college - he still had one year left (same college). Youngest married right after his fiancée graduated. He graduated a year earlier (different colleges - met on a Study Abroad his senior year).
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We got engaged about 6 months after dating (roughly 1 year after we met). We were engaged for 6ish months.
D1 and husband were together 6.5 years before getting engaged. They got together right after Thanksgiving of their freshman year of college. They were engaged for 14 months which let her H finish grad school.
We met in college at 20. Long distance relationship afterwards which included two cross country moves and a couple of breakups. Engaged at 26. Married at 27. About to celebrate our 30th anniversary (but I like to say we’ve been together for 37 yrs).
Met in February, married in September.
I was 25 and he was 24 when we met at work. Dated for 4 years and engaged for about 10 months. We live in the northeast and most people I knew even back then got married around 26-32. Its an expensive place to live so many people wanted to be able to afford a house or at least a nice apartment before getting married. Plus our 20’s we some of the best years of our lives. Fun jobs, lots of partying, and few responsibilities. I hope my own kids don’t marry too young. I tell them to play the field, travel , and enjoy themselves before they really have to start “adulting”. Oldest just started college so we’ll see how it plays out.
Met in September, engaged in October, married in June. H was leaving in August for a year-long internship in a different city, so I could either not seem him for a year, or go with him as his wife.
My S is married, and the process took much longer. They met in HS though, and stayed together while attending different colleges in different states, and our family also moved from the area during this time. They moved to the same city when they both graduated from their undergraduate programs, but did not live together. They got engaged a little over 6 years after they started dating on his 25th birthday. They married a year later.
My wife and I dated for three months before we were engaged. That being said, we met online in the early days of Yahoo! Personals. So, we actually corresponded for about two months before we started dating. We both knew we were right for each other. I had planned on proposing to her after we had dated for longer (we had to separate as she was finishing medical school in Memphis, and I was finishing law school in DC). But, 9/11 happened. I was in DC that day. I had a classmate killed in the Pentagon. I remember an interview of a distraught man from who lost his long-time girlfriend who worked at Cantor-Fitzgerald. I resolved that would never be me. I proposed to her when I next her. We were married eight months later. Our wedding was two weeks after I graduated from law school and a day after she graduated from medical school. We have been together nineteen years.
H and I met during second semester of law school - we were 22. We got engaged 4 years later and were married about 6 months after we got engaged (to be honest I don’t remember exactly when we got engaged, it was not a big deal). At 26, we were among the youngest of our friends to be married.
S1 met his wife just before he turned 30 (she was 33) and they dated for 2 years before getting engaged, although they moved in together after 8 months. Their wedding was 9 months after they got engaged.
S2, too, met his wife just before he turned 30 (his wife was 26) and they dated for 2 1/2 years before getting engaged. The wedding was supposed to be 9 months later but Covid got in the way and the wedding was delayed by 5 months.
i agree with whomever said that today many people live together and choose to be married when they’re ready to have kids. S1 has 2 (in 2.5 years) and S2 is just waiting to finish grad school.
But easier to meet the wrong person, perhaps. My wife and I thank our lucky stars that we met/dated/married when we did; I would hate to be in my kids’ shoes, trying to find a meaningful relationship these days via social media.
Going back to the OP’s questions, my wife and I met when we were both out of college and working at full-time employment; we dated for 6 months before she was transferred by her company to another state. We saw each other in airport terminals and other sundry locations for about 18 months, then got engaged; we married a year after that. We’ve been married for 27+ years.
My wife and I always enjoy reading the wedding announcements in the NY Times Sunday paper. It’s fascinating to read how people first met, then how they sometimes separated and came back together again; and to try and guess at the back stories for the couples.
We’re from Boston. We dated for 7 years before we got married. Met in college, moved in together when we were 25. Got engaged at 26, married at 28. All of our friends were getting married at the same time. I think in big cities, it’s more expensive and at the time (90s) all of my female friends were working on their careers and getting masters’ degrees. My sister moved to Michigan around the time I was 25. When I visited, I was shocked to see all the people in her neighborhood were the same age as me with multiple kids and a house! No way that would happen in Boston. I know folks who had roommates until they were in their 30s. It was so hard to afford a house. Still is. My brother in law just bought his first house ($900K + a starter home) in the Boston area and he’s 38. When we moved into our first house (30 yrs old), most of the folks in our neighborhood were newly married or had little babies and most of them were in their late 30s early 40s! I was one of the younger moms in my neighborhood when I had my first at 33. BTW - Married 33 years this August but we always add those 7 years together before hand!
Sounds like my step-daughter. She’s in Philly, and her friends are getting married in their very late 20s and early 30s. Her relatives in Arkansas, I think it is, are the same age with 3 kids and a mortgage.
I was one of the oldest moms when we moved to a more rural area in OH. I was 30 when D was born.
We now live in the Chicago area and plenty of my same age friends have kids still in middle school or even younger.
I guess I really hadn’t considered the cost of living/housing factors having not been in an expensive area to live when we married.
Of my close friends, only one dated and then lived with her now husband for a fairly significant period of time. But, they were living in an urban area in California.
I had just turned 25 and dh had just turned 26 when we got married. I think those were probably average ages among my peers.