<p>I think it comes down to that old adage about “give a man a fish”.</p>
<p>Kids who get all of their wants and needs provided by their parents often end up lacking the skills and resources to manage well on their own. If they never need a job for spending money – they have no opportunity to develop job skills. (Not just the skill connected to the job itself, like familiarity with specific software, but also the interpersonal skills related to finding and keeping jobs & getting promotions). If they are raised in a home where a parent or housekeeper does their laundry and cooks for them – they may never learn how to wash a sweater or fry an egg. </p>
<p>I imagine for some people who are quite wealthy, it doesn’t matter. Perhaps the parents know that the children already have well-endowed trust funds with sufficient assets to meet all their needs for many years to come. Hence my comment above about the kids who were happy to pay my daughter $40 to make their beds and pick up the clutter in their dorm rooms. </p>
<p>But for the rest of us – those who can reasonably expect that our kids will need to earn money to support themselves-- then it is not always doing the child a favor to be overly generous. </p>
<p>I think a kid who plans to “ask for” an allowance that has not yet been offered from an affluent parent or grandparent might do well to ask that adult to match their earnings up to a certain amount - rather than a simple handout – that would show a willingness to assume personal responsibility, and could be quite lucrative for the kid.</p>
<p>I think that parents who are uncertain about what to give for an allowance should think in terms of a reasonable transition to adult-level skills and responsibilities.</p>
<p>I personally wanted to believe that each of my children would have the skills to support themselves with entry level jobs, if necessary, by the time they graduated from high school. Perhaps I felt strongly about that because of my modest income and the fact that I am a single parent – as well as the fact that my own mom passed away unexpectedly when I was in my early 20’s. </p>
<p>Obviously, I did not expect that at age 18 the kids would have optimum skills-- and I was happy to be able to fund college for them. But in my mind part of the transition was that the kids would take increasing levels of responsibility for their own expenses during their college years. I assumed that if the kids ran into serious trouble they would call me – and I’ve always encouraged my kids to let me know their “wish lists” along the way. I sent care packages from time to time – boxes with a few food staples like canned tuna, peanut butter, pasta-- which always included a few treats like Pepperidge Farm cookies… so helping one’s kids to help themselves doesn’t require the parent to be stingy or cruel. Quite the contrary – it gave me great pleasure whenever I could time the gifts to arrive at the times they were likely to be most appreciated. </p>
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