Wedding I attended in Texas 2 weeks ago was easily $50K.
We paid for about 75% of S’s wedding; bride’s family just didn’t have much. Total was about $24K all in. Bride and groom contributed some. I asked my son privately how much DIL’s parents were able to contribute and we made up what we thought a nice wedding should run in our area.
We gave D the same $$ amount and grooms’s family paid about 60%. He is most likely their only child who will marry so they added more. Bride and groom are both students and contributed nothing. Total about $30K In-laws hosted a VERY extravagant rehearsal dinner. We were happy to enjoy it.
We told them both the check was to cover the ceremony and reception, and don’t ask for more. Anything left over was theirs to keep. Both wanted a nice wedding, about 160 guests. There were extras that we covered like the rehearsal dinner, bride’s dress, some hotels, hair/makeup, tuxes.
D2 is not engaged, but her tastes run simple and I don’t see her having a wedding like her siblings. She’ll have money left over.
Younger son and DIL had the anti-wedding from what @notrichenough described in #16437. City Hall, both sets of parents and the only sibling attended, lunch at our house. Absolutely no financial outlay over and above what the day would already have called for – we would have fed people anyway, plain pasta if they’d wanted it! – but the parents gifted the couple . . . a lot, I think. I know we did, and suspect DIL’s parents did too, but discretion has obscured their amount.
As to what wedding expenses we’d cover as parents of the groom (we have two sons), husband and I lean towards a 50/50 approach if we could possibly manage it. Both our sons are savers rather than spenders, and not inclined to an extravagant function, so I’d have to qualify my inclination with “it’s easy for me to say.”
One of my cousins had a potluck wedding in the park and encouraged no gifts or gently used gifts. We didn’t attend as it was not in our state and we aren’t close, but it was interesting.
Have been to weddings at family homes where guests have punch and wedding cake. The couple is just as happy and married.
My wedding was huge but wanted both families happy. Each set of parents paid for guests they had invited who attended. We paid for our guests and everything else.
I expect in retirement we will give each of our kids a significant gift—toward a wedding, down payment or whatever they choose.
We’re Asians. And traditionally the groom’s family pays for almost everything. We did when I married my wife (here in the US).
Now I have to DDs. I’m not planning to pay for almost everything. My compromise would be equally divided by groom’s family, bride’s family and the couple. It’s not written in stone and of course it depends on everyone’s financial situation.
We told D we would pay up to $30k for her wedding. That was the amount we got from my dad’s estate, and we earmarked it for her wedding even before she had a steady boyfriend. The groom’s parents offered to pay for half the reception, so they paid $10k. D didn’t spend the whole $30k, and she & her now H paid for some things themselves (party bus for bridal party, day-of planner, and some other assorted things). I would say that all-in, with what everyone paid (including bridal gown, flowers, photographer, etc) it was between $35 and $40k (135 people). You can do a very nice wedding for less, though.
@bigmacbeth I think maybe 25-35k each. My niece getting married this summer in same state will be a lot less, but no band, no alcohol, brunch reception. I think my Ds will be bigger. One might be on lower end - won’t care about open bar, etc. other will be at top end I suspect and her possible groom has a family who would chip in order to have bigger party.
Nieces on H’s side have had large weddings with all the extras. I’m guessing 40k at minimum.
So, haven’t totaled all the bills yet (do I want to?) but I think we spent about $40,000 for us. $145 per person for seated dinner, open bar (6 hours) and cake came to ~$200 per person when gratuities and taxed were added. We had ~130 guests.
Our expenses included wedding gown, formal clothes for parents and sister-bridesmaid, flowers ($4500?), hospitality suite, and food for 3 events in the suite.
Groom’s family paid for rehearsal dinner, with fewer than 40 in attendance (~$3600) and DJ ~$1800 for the wedding reception.
Bride and groom paid for the photographer, ~$4000 and $1000 toward flowers, $1000 misc.
This is in the Washington DC area. My SIL in Atlanta spent less on a comparably nice with a larger guest list. She probably spent about $30,000. They had 50 more guests plus a band.
Approximately 280 for seated dinner (four courses - it was NICE!). Four hours of open bar with premium liquors with signature cocktails for bride & groom. Artisanal cheeses, fruit, meats, etc. plus four different passed hor d’oeuvres between ceremony and beginning of the dinner. Champagne toast. Food and beverage was a LOT. That doesn’t include the venue itself (exclusive hotel/resort setting), dj, wedding planner, cake(s), flowers, photography (they did three different sets of engagement photos), and videography. No idea about bride’s gown cost (she had two - one for ceremony, one for reception).
I had no idea that groom’s parents typically pay all wedding costs for Asian weddings. So, if my ds chooses to marry an Asian woman, it’s all on us? This is good to know.
Wondering if setting a wedding budget is not unlike setting a college budget. Big difference to me between four years and four hours!
When I was growing up, my daddy always told me that if I would elope, he would give me $2,000 and a Volkswagen (this is when a VW had an advertised price of $1,999). I didn’t take that offer, but my wedding, while fairly extravagant, was quite small. Fewer guests definitely keeps the costs down.
Folks…there is a whole thread in the parent cafe dealing with weddings…2016 and after. A lot of what yo7 are asking here is discussed on that thread. Really, it’s a good read.
Yup but what is nice about this thread is people are putting forth the financial aspect of weddings. That rarely gets discussed on the other thread. This is really a thread on things financial so I personally think it is all good.
We haven’t had any weddings yet, but our retirement considers a round number for each kid for things we will likely help pay for. I actually hope not to pay much for weddings, but we will see. We told our kids we were “done” financially after undergrad. They have no debt, and each had a low end car to drive. I am not big into weddings or paying for something hugely extravagant.
I’ll add D2 has asked that we set aside the same amount of money for her not yet engaged future wedding — so, to be fair, we had to track the money.
We depleted a fair amount of cash (but didn’t use any investments) so now we need to replenish those accounts.
We had one more account we considered using (inherited from my grandmother, many years ago). Actually, I used a portion on a lower Bleph a few months ago That account from my grandmother is kept in reserve for when I really need it. I think it is the one thing that doesn’t go to DH if I pass before he does. It will go 50-50 to our two Ds so they get something directly from me. It’s more sentimental than anything.
So as we look down the road to retirement or jobs ending at unfortunate times before we choose to retired, we want to make sure we have some set aside for the next wedding.
Only my SIL was willing to tell me what a wedding cost. I could only guess. The online “calculators” for our region were low compared to what we actually spent. She was also willing to tell me what they chose not to do (flowers for the church) to save money for other things.
Surely regional differences are huge.
I finally found the bill for my own reception in 1984 in a small town. 215 people sit down dinner, prime rib, open bar, less than $4000. I’d be surprised if the flowers came to $200. So my Ds wedding was 10x as much. I’ll also share that the gift checks received were not 10x as much. Those had a significantly lower multiplier.
We just finished with a wedding and I have to say a wedding in the Dominican Republic is much cheaper, including travel. We gave them a set amount, I held some back for travel. DD and SIL contributed and the total for a beautiful wedding for 90 was under $25k. Financial planner grumbled that we had not forecast it but DD had always said she was not going to do a big wedding so I had planned the equivalent of the rehearsal dinner. Oh well. You need to have wiggle room in the plans.
My brother sent out an email a few months ago announcing that his son had married his longtime girlfriend. We just visited my nephew last week and I asked him if he told his parents they were going to get married or if he told them they got married. His answer was they told their parents after, and they were not upset. Apparently there was no ceremony, not even an official. Sounded like they just signed some forms which did the deed. My sister’s son, otoh, is having a big wedding this fall.
Our own son has a serious girlfriend from an Asian family. No wedding plans yet, but if it happens it could be a biggie. She has lots of family and so do we, plus, my wife and I have attended dozens of friends’ kids’ weddings over the years and would feel the need to invite anyone who invited us. I am prepared to pay for a rehearsal dinner.
I gave both my DS and DD 10K for their weddings, and they handled anything above that amount. DDs came in at about 11K max, and guessing DSs was more like 20K.
This is really a thread on things financial so I personally think it is all good.