Congrats and welcome to the retirement club! Wait until Sunday evening. You’ll love it. 
You can always arrange lunch dates with those you’ll miss.
@Momoffour Congratulations!!! I retired in September and am still settling into it psychologically - what, me retired? How did that happen? How did I get to be so old? (And am happily babysitting 4-month-old grandbaby full-time while DD works) I still haven’t got around to any of the projects I planned, but there is no longer any urgency! Enjoy and take your time, and congratulations again!
The oldest nephew and niece on ShawWife’s side of the family have gotten married over the last two summers. Both have very high-end tastes. They were married at MIL’s farm outside of Toronto. MIL agreed to pay up to CAD $50K for each and both went significantly over. In the niece’s case, her parents chose not to pay for much although they had hosted the rehearsal dinner for her brother.
Only one band but several tents, grass fed steak as one of the entrees for nephew’s wedding, hand-printed kitchen towels containing the dinner menu, etc.
With respect to the split generally, things are all over the map. Sometimes paid by bride’s parents (or mostly), sometimes split 50/50, sometimes paid for solely by the couple.
The good news for us: MIL has offered to pay CAD $50K each for any grandkids who get married (implicitly, I think, on the condition that the wedding is at her farm). My kids are definitely more frugal than their cousins. It is a beautiful location – ShawWife and I were the first family members married there.
No wedding contribution here. We told our son three things from the time he was small:
-We won’t buy you a car
-We won’t pay for a wedding
-We will pay for college (in his case, high school)
He saved for the car, and I’m sure he’ll have sufficient funds for his wedding, but I’m also sure he won’t agree to any shindig that costs more than a few thousand dollars or to any young woman who isn’t happy with that. It may be an unpopular opinion, but I think spending anything more than the cost of punch and cake for a gathering beyond immediate family is a terrible waste of resources that could be put to much better use. It goes against every principle of sound financial stewardship and wealth-building that we have taught our son. A marriage is not made stronger by the size or cost of the celebration, and the only memory I value is hearing the words, “I do.”
Now, what HER parents think or want to do is up to them and out of our control. Pass the punch. 
(ETA: We would have told a daughter the same three things.)
Your answer surprises me a little @ChoatieMom because I remember from posts of yours that you and your husband enjoy socializing and entertaining. Personally, I think there is room between some big blowout and punch and cake with immediate family. What kind of wedding did you and your husband have?
We paid for our own small wedding, and I still think it was too much. My dad loved to say, “When you elope, I’ll hold the ladder.”
We do love to socialize and entertain, but I don’t see the connection with cost.
My daughter and son-in-law went down to the courthouse on a Friday afternoon to do the deed, despite our offer to host a wedding. They wouldn’t even let us throw them a party. I was kind of disappointed but that’s who they are.
Just in case I sounded like I was “judging” when I said our wedding plans (or lack of), I have no problem with people paying for very nice weddings. I view it kind of like college - If you can afford it, whatever you want to do is great, but you SHOULD NOT go into debt or take from your retirement funds to fund a wedding.
I am conflicted about this and admire people who have a firm opinion on it one way or other. I have an only child and we can afford some extravagance. But it is short lived pleasure. When it is over, it is all gone. I won’t know most guests and probably will never meet again. My kid and SO will meet half of the guests for the first time and probably also the last time at the wedding. Spend all that money for that?
I also has an only child. Our money goes to pay for her college. Her education will stay with her for the rest of her life.
As for a wedding, we probably can afford one but I personally do not believe that the bride’s parents should pay for the whole thing, or even the majority of it. I don’t know why this tradition has not yet changed.
My H and I paid for our own wedding ( we were in our 30’s and employed then). We felt good doing it that way.
I hope someone will create a new thread about wedding and people’s views on it (big, small, who pay,etc) so we won’t hijacking a retirement thread.
Who are these people who would be invited that aren’t important to the bride and groom? Weddings don’t have to be big.
I’m all for good food and music, though.
It wasn’t my intention to hijack. Apologies. The discussion had drifted over to some larger ticket items that one might incur in retirement. A wedding has the potential to be one of those.
I will add one more point - I have a friend who is a professional musician who has played for MANY weddings. She states that a wedding day has the potential to be the single most expensive day of one’s life. That really sunk in for me.
@rphcfb - there IS a wedding thread on the board that someone linked to a few posts above. I had never checked it out as the issue is nowhere near ripe for us, so I had (and have) no idea the range of topics covered there.
Just like there is potential for people to be pressured into sending their kid to a certain type of college, I think there can also be pressure for people to be pressured into having a certain kind of wedding. Can definitely be another aspect of keeping-up-with-the-Joneses. Cars, vacations, houses, lifestyles, etc.
Agree. IMO, no worries! People can feel free to post anything they want retirement related. This thread always takes twists and turns on things financially related and keeps chugging along.
@Hoggirl ,
I don’t read all the thread in that wedding thread but seems to be more about wedding planning.
I am following this retirement thread with interest. I want to retire but probably won’t be able be to until 6 years from now.
@shawbridge - I’m missing something - CAD?? I might need more coffee - what does this stand for?
@hoggirl - CAD $50K means $50,000 Canadian, as opposed to US dollars.
I thought everyone used US Dollars. LOL
@sherpa - thanks! MORE coffee for me! Ha ha!
We are becoming international or at least North American
4 bitcoins. 