<p>For the past 3 years, my mother has suffered a nervous breakdown in addition to severe depression and mild psychosis. She is on medication but still is having significant problems in that she refuses counseling due in large part to her delusions (she's very paranoid). Sadly, she also refuses to take medication periodically.
In terms of my schooling, in my sophomore year I flunked (a D) my math class because of all the distraction at home (as you can imagine it was an enormous and unexpected surprise to my dad, too...so he hasn't been 100% there as much as he tries...he's working a job to support us too). </p>
<p>Unfortunately, my schoolwork waned. Last year (the second year of the chaos), I wrote mediocre papers for my AP Language class, and the teacher sat me down once (after I had told her that I'd like a 5 on the exam for the credits in college) to inform me that I would "probably not pass". I got my butt into gear and landed a 5 on that exam, though. :) </p>
<p>In terms of college applications, it has been a whirlwind. I've filled out all my college applications by myself (with the help of my dad's credit card from time to time - he wrote it down because of time constraints for me) in addition to the FAFSA (though it was only an hour-long I had to mesh out some problems with my dad's pin number...just the annoying process haha). I filled out my scholarship applications by myself, and have thus far gotten $1,000, which is exciting. I also was accepted to the best university I applied for which is a top-50 flagship state school. </p>
<p>I was reading a thread on how a daughter had called home in a meltdown about a course/grades to her mother...who promptly calmed her down and helped her out. What do I do if I have a meltdown then? </p>
<p>I'm planning on rushing and joining a sorority if that helps any...but I don't know too many people going to the university I'm going to. </p>
<p>As a disclaimer, this is an alternate account to my main one on CollegeConfidential. I just have a ton of information posted on the latter and this post is a little personal. </p>
<p>First, remember, whatever is happening at home and with your mother, your “job” is to be a student and to focus on your schoolwork. That might be very hard, because you’re distracted and obviously care. But there’s nothing you can do to help her. She clearly needs something, but you are not in the position to diagnose her and care for her. The role-reversal you can get caught up in is not healthy. There are doctors and services for that. It will help that you’ll be going away to college next year.</p>
<p>As far as next year, and feeling sad that someone else has a mom who is there for them and you don’t, well…don’t go there. It’s always, always hard emotionally to get into that, and you never really know all the background. Besides, I’m thinking you’re actually much more independent and “stronger” for having accomplished what you have done on your own. You should feel good about that. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, reach out to other adults in your life for support, like a teacher, GC, a neighbor, an aunt. Or come here. We’re good listeners.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. You will need to reach out to other people when you go to college - especially adults. I remember being rather intimidated as a freshman by the distinguished professors teaching my classes, but the fact is that many of these people are caring individuals who will be more than happy to help. If you find yourself having difficulty academically, don’t suffer in silence. Seek out your professor, TA, academic support center - whatever is available. If you find yourself having a hard time emotionally, the health center will have mental health services that you should take advantage of.</p>
<p>Sending hugs and love, (and understanding from personal experience). Contact NAMI and see if they have support in your area. [NAMI:</a> National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy](<a href=“http://www.nami.org/]NAMI:”>http://www.nami.org/)
They have support groups for family members dealing with mental illness.</p>
<p>And congrats on “getting your butt into gear”!!! YOU CAN DO IT.</p>
<p>I really really appreciate the support and will check out that website, musicamusica.
Thank you for the PM historymom (I responded [: )
Marinmom - awesome suggestions. I’ll look that up now - those services for students.<br>
limabeans - you’re absolutely right - my job as a student is #1. I’m trying not to get caught up in the role-reversal thing but since I’m the oldest (and most responsible) kid I’ve been stuck in a quandry. I’ve been saying “no” to being a sounding board more recently, though.</p>
<p>I live in a college town with a flagship university. Almost every large church denomination has a large college student only youth group. At my church it’s nondenominational and has it’s own study rooms, dining and chapel area. It’s student led and has a youth minister for counseling. A lot of these students aren’t sure what role religion will ever play in their lives but they find strength and friendship and acceptance away from home. Often the staff at a church in a small college town is highly educated, wordly and familiar with problems young people encounter when they leave home. Wherever you go, you might look around and find help and friends through a church with a large, active college youth group.</p>
<p>thecheckbook - I am not really overtly religious just because I’ve never fit into the religious community much over the years. 4-5 youth groups later in my community and I still felt as if I were not being accepted. I’m not sure the religious path is for me, but I’ve had a good few friends who were religious and were, honestly, some of the most wholesome, kind, and caring people I’ve met. Not to say I haven’t met genuine people outside of religious circles…these qualities in individuals are obviously not mutually exclusive between religion/nonreligion. I will consider it though if I ever do get into a pinch or need extra support.</p>
<p>You might also want to check to see if your college has a health center…they often have counseling or peer counseling on campus for free. This would be a resource for you if you felt like you were in crisis once you went to school.</p>
<p>missemily516: I looked at their website and they offer group counseling. I’m a little apprehensive about that (the group setting) but if I do get into trouble it is always an option.</p>
<p>Rushing might be a very smart move. You may find some very supportive friends that way (not 100% guarantee, but definitely a possibility). </p>
<p>I keep recommending “Toxic Parents” by Susan Forward. She lays out some very practical ways to have boundaries with parents. There are some things you can manage and somethings that are beyond anyone to manage or change. Navigating a path where you contribute to your family (dear dad!) but are not overwhelmed with guilt and impossible tasks is . . . a very challenging thing to do. </p>
<p>I would say please take time to be kind to yourself. Get exercise into your weekly program. Take a moment to enjoy a cup of coffee or the spring flowers. Take a “me” break at least once a day where you just zone out for ten minutes. Sweet moments are like pearls. They are polished and slippery and can roll away from you – but you can also collect them and string one sweet moment with another until you have a beautiful rope of jewelry.</p>
<p>Your dad does have a lot on his shoulders right now, but I’m sure your needs are important to him, so don’t rule him out as your lifeline. Before you leave, set up a schedule to call him at a time when he isn’t distracted-perhaps a lunchtime at work?-so you can check in with him on regular basis as to how things are going. It’s not your job to fix anything or anyone, but it will put your mind at rest if you know he’s there for you, and you know how things are going at home.</p>
<p>Olymom: I’ve taken up exercising and do so for 45-60 minutes every other day. I’m also trying to eat healthier. Got to get in shape for that sorority! :)<br>
M’s Mom: I have definitely leaned on my dad for support. He is really really busy during the day (works in a hospital) so I’m not really sure he gets a lunch break and, even in emergencies where I’ve called him, he was too busy to talk more than a few minutes because of how fast-paced it is. He did take me up to visit the college I got accepted to, though. That was really fun to do with him. We go to the gym together but both prefer not to talk - it’s our zoning time I guess! haha.</p>
That was really fun to do with him. We go to the gym together but both prefer not to talk - it’s our zoning time I guess! haha.</p>