No, we also paid FULL price for both our kids to go to private universities and never regretted it.
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What are cross-admit yields like in this case, between an ivy and these merit programs?
No idea. I’m not sure how Dartmouth does it, but all of their Stamps Scholars were admitted to an Ivy. 
I too was pinged by @1dadinNC (though the “college selection oracle” bit did make me laugh).
It sounds like you are leveraging all the resources you can be.
If they don’t have a part-time or summer job, then it might well benefit them to get one. It’s a great extracurricular, shows their dependability, and it brings extra money in. They can save their money for college, or they can begin to learn how to budget for their expenses if they become solely responsible for their spending money, and they improve their multi-tasking skills of balancing work and academics, something they might need to do in college (whether they’re working in a lab or at Chipotle).
The other thing that can you can do to help them economically achieve their goals is to urge them to open a Roth IRA and, if possible, match their contributions (up to the Roth IRA annual limit of $6500…if they earn $6500). That money will get to grow untaxed AND be withdrawn tax free down the line. If you start saving early for retirement, you can save much smaller amounts and come out with the same amount in retirement savings than if you save much larger amounts but start later. That gives your kids the power of choice, the power to choose the profession that brings them the greatest joy even if doesn’t bring them the biggest paycheck. And it starts excellent habits for when they start earning bigger bucks than what they can do with part of a high school education.
I 100% agree with finding the best fitting college for them, within your budget. But the most challenging institution is not necessarily the best fit, or there are schools that don’t have the same cachet but that have some amazing cohorts or opportunities available which would benefit your child much more than “the most challenging” school.
Should you decide you want assistance in thinking of college possibilities, let us know.
ETA: Oops, missed this!
Okay, so your kid has the first part down…but maybe the Roth IRA part is new? If not, your family is definitely maximizing everything it can.
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On the other hand, there are colleges which are pretty well known that have pretty good merit money for a kid with straight As. Aside from the savings of WEU, places like Arizona State have large chunks of money for A students. Colleges like New Jersey Tech are very well regarded and well within your budget.
Your kids have much better resumes than you likely think:
She is actually a pretty competitive applicant. Real jobs are excellent ECs, and colleges which care about ECs tend to like seeing them on profiles.
Gender and race theory aren’t really that big in Switzerland or France… She’ll eventually figure out some place. There are plenty of great colleges with great history programs which are affordable and which will accept her.
BTW, does she have any idea what she’s going to do with her history degree?
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Yes the cohort-based full rides are a great opportunity and something to look at closely for a talented student, especially if they are planning a career that isn’t likely to be high earning. D18 won one of these scholarships and is now extremely grateful to be able to use her 529 to subsidize getting started as a ballet dancer.
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OP, I think most parents get creative in helping their kids go to a college that matches their kid’s goals AND avoiding big amounts of debt (or other bad financial situations). By “creative” I don’t mean cheating, I mean looking at competitive merit (or scholarships), looking at strong departments in otherwise affordable schools etc etc. They don’t just send their kids to the cheapest option no questions asked. There are endless CC threads discussing this. Of course if you can pay in full without jeopardizing retirement or getting big loans there is no discussion at all. You are good to go. And to answer your initial questions I think most people just pay brute force. I did, and all my friends did.
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Agree with your post.
In my neck of the woods (Northeast, expensive urban area so need based aid is often inadequate) people seem to be doing TONS more research than in the good old days- which states offer in-state rates for certain majors, which states have loan forgiveness programs for certain fields, which colleges make it easy to do a 5 year Master’s degree, which colleges offer paid fellowships for non-profit internships during the summer so a kid doesn’t forgo the earnings of a summer job, etc. Not every kid will qualify for every program, but it helps to understand the “basic contours” rather than assume the worst.
A very talented kid in my neighborhood is now a freshman at a tiny college in the Midwest that nobody has ever gone to from the HS as far as anyone can recall. She is the eldest of 5. No mystery there…full ride plus a boatload of goodies-- departmental scholarship if she stays in the field she intends to study, travel fellowship for the summer, etc.
I say kudos to them for figuring it out. Who wants to tell the younger kids that you blew the budget on the eldest?
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It is not that. No one is implying anything here. I think what many are implying is that one needs to find value and fit. You can find both if you do your due diligence well. Good luck! I am out too.
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Thanks everyone for your replies.
First of all, please let me clarify. In my circle, nearly everyone went to public university. I did. I am very proud of that (now). It is my kids (especially the oldest) who named the schools, with zero prompting from me.
I was a high school student who was encouraged to chase merit dollars and so on, with very little understanding of how few merit dollars were available; I was sorely disappointed my senior year when kids whose parents paid but who worked less hard in high school (keggers, skipping class, etc.) all went to top-rated private schools (which I also got into but couldn’t pay for).
We are all adults now and I’m sure we’ve all faced our share of hardship so that’s not the burn BUT I am still burned by how deeply unfair and dishonest that process was. I still do think my hard work was for nothing. I should have gotten a full-time job and then I wouldn’t have had to skip college classes to work.
I think we have different definitions of elitist.
I think people who earn good grades should get to go to more competitive programs. I don’t think competitive programs should be reserved for people whose parents got rich in business.
IF a kid gets a 3.0 then they should still get to try again but what I’m saying is it’s not fair to stick someone who works their tush off, in high school redux, because of a lack of money.
To me that is more elitist, than a meritocratic system. It’s all about who your parents are and not about how hard you work.
Sure, and it’s probably a linear relationship, however, money is also a big driver of that. Most kids drop out due to lack of funds.
I do know that. However, prices are out of our control. The only thing I can control is how much I can pay.
I don’t think it’s worth nothing, but I know I personally would have slept in and cried less and studied less if I knew it wouldn’t matter to my college funding or selection. Wouldn’t you? If I need a 3.0 I’m going to get a 3.0.
If I would have gotten a 2.0 and worked 40 hours a week in high school, my college life would have been much better and easier.
Hard work in and of itself is a benefit but that’s not why I’m posting on this board. And you can work hard at many things. Not just school. For example many kids work hard at full-time jobs, or art, or self-pursued unschooling projects.
That’s great and I think both my kids would prefer that, to school. They are in school to get a formal education. This is 100% a rat race exercise.
I wish that would have been the case when I was in school. 
The older has two jobs, the younger cannot wait to get a job. That’s the easy part.
Yeah, we have tried to gently guide her into less reality-challenged goals, heh. She will get there eventually. Trying to focus on the most tangible parts of her dreams.
Thanks all. I’m going to stop monitoring this thread. I appreciate the feedback. This is a very pragmatic goal for me so I’m probably coming across as more avaricious than I’d seem in real life. We’ve talked about “brand name” versus quality, about making the most of what you have.
But I’m determined not to leave my kids in the same place I was. If they can get in, I know we can figure it out together.
Lots of kids talk about the places they want to go to when looking at universities. The list of places that kids actually go to at the end of high school is usually a different list.
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You don’t seem avaricious - just frustrated. College is expensive and finding a way to afford it (regardless of what “it” might be) is a challenge for most families.
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I feel like the “we can figure out the finances if you get in” is a reason why so many end up with crippling debt. My kids had significantly higher stats than other family members, most of those family members ended up in more selective schools because they were full pay. My kids are okay with this, your success in life isn’t based on four years. My college graduates are financially comfortable and living their best lives.
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There are some very, very selective programs within large publics that are open to top students only. Worth checking those out while selecting a school. Of course, if your goal is a “Harvard or bust,” no amount of advice given here will help.
/Signing off, an “idiot” parent who paid full tuitions minus merit money for several undergraduate, graduate, and professional degrees for members of her family, ranging from top five in the field to bottom “toilet tier,”
and all are gainfully employed and happy.
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