How to deal with friends who are prestige-minded?

Parents Forum
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How can I "justify" my choice?

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I want to go to the lower ranked school because that's where I can see myself and I know I'll be happy there.

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<p>^ Just like that. If you're happy with and sure about your choice, nothing else is necessary. It's not easy to be the mature one in this situation, but it's an attitude that will benefit you in the long run. I would hope that your friends trust you to make the right decision for yourself, and can respect it. When it comes to anyone else, my own advice is not to get defensive, but to smile, shrug, and say that you're making the right decision for yourself. Repeat as necessary and people will stop attempting to argue.</p>

<p>From an earlier response:</p>

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Besides, your friends can't laugh at you because you didn't get into a very good college; you did, and just decided not to go.

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<p>I think I know what this poster meant, but I want to tweak it a little bit for the sake of the OP. Most of us here can agree that "very good college" is subjective, but has a lot to do with fit. Indeed, not only did the OP get into such a school...he is planning to go! Now, if his friends are laughing at him for not getting into a more highly ranked college, then, well...(a) they're weird friends; (b) this is true (and likely comforting).</p>

<p>OP: Best of luck with your choice. As a senior, I found myself in a similar position (choosing the tiny, unheard of LAC over the widely-respected research U, and having to defend that choice), and basing my choice on what felt right to me led me to the best decision I could have made :)</p>

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<p>SHS -Go where your heart takes you. Work hard to maintain a high GPA. If you decide to go to Grad school, our GPA will be one of the deciding factors that will get you into most of the top GRAD Schools. BTW, have these students been accepted by the top ivies or are they crossing the bridge before getting there?</p>

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<p>SHS_Spartan</p>

<p>You sound like a very thoughtful and mature person. Keep your resolve, and try not to think about what others think--advice that even adults have a hard time keeping! Many other students follow the path you want to follow.</p>

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<p>Thank you very much the support. I'll try my best to make sure that no comment brings me down.</p>

<p>My opinion is the only one that matters in this case, and I believe that this is the most important.</p>

<p>Most people would consider Washington State U (got tired of hiding it) a "bad" school, partly due to its rank. People would also consider the U of Pittsburgh a "bad" school on the west coast.</p>

<p>The mentality of 'highly ranked school or bust' is prevalent at my school and I absolutely hate it.</p>

<p>As I prepare for medical school, a high GPA does matter and I've read on the boards that students are more likely to do well in school at a college where there are happy, instead of somewhere where they are miserable but higher ranked.</p>

<p>These students have not been accepted ivies. They've been accepted to schools such as Georgia Tech and the University of Washington - Seattle, but I can say that I've applied to the same caliber of schools (U of Rochester, and Case Western/Pittsburgh). I'm not saying just because they haven't been accepted to Harvard or Yale doesn't mean they can't put lower ranked schools down. They can, but they're doing it for the wrong reasons.</p>

<p>However, because Georgia Tech is more popular than Rochester, Rochester can be considered "crap".</p>

<p>I think I'm getting a little off-topic here. Basically, kids don't understand why someone would choose a lower ranked school. It's considered stupid.</p>

<p>Maybe if they visited and watched a class at a lower ranked school, they'd realize the difference.</p>

<p>I think I'm just ranting here. Thanks for listening, it really means a lot to me.</p>

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<p>SHS,</p>

<p>I agree that bashing schools based on rank is distasteful, and anyone who questions your college decision simply because of prestige needs to grow up, but here's a post I made in a previous thread lest you begin categorizing everyone concerned with rank as immature and narrow-minded :)</p>

<p>I'm glad that you know what you want, and that you trust your judgments, but rankings are really very useful for people like me:</p>

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As a high school senior who's finishing up the last of his college apps, I'm what you might call a prestige whore</p>

<p>I applied to a total of 11 schools, all VASTLY different, all very upper-end... from top private universities to top state universities to top liberal arts colleges</p>

<p>Now let me explain some of my reasoning for this buckshot approach to college admissions:</p>

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<li><p>I do NOT have a clue where I'll get in or what type of school will like me best. I know this is true for everyone who applies to competitive schools, but it's especially true for me. I chose a very different route to high school success, so my application will rely largely on human bias or college idiosyncracies. A state U honors program may reject me for my not-perfect GPA, while a liberal arts college might like my quirky, but risky, essays. Harvard may reject me for my complete lack of leadership positions, but Chicago may accept me for my self-directed activities like my online business.</p></li>
<li><p>I do NOT know enough about myself. I've lived in an upper-class suburb, with 2 parents, a 2-story 4-bedroom house, and a fairly but not overly competitive public school all of my life.</p></li>
<li><p>I do NOT believe in the concept of picking "perfect matches". Let's be real here. I read that 50% of marriages will end in divorce. Staying at a college overnight and talking to professors will only give you a superficial, if not sometimes misleading, overall view. Ultimately, it's the details that rule our lives, and these details are either too various to be explored, too complex for a final judgment to be made, or are completely up to chance.</p></li>
<li><p>I DO believe that I can succeed almost "anywhere", as long as it's an intellectually stimulating environment. I'm not bragging about my adaptability.. but it's not like I'm choosing between UPenn and Beijing U. In the end, all these top colleges, though I do admit they have their own "personality", are historically established institutions that reside in safe communities in America.</p></li>
<li><p>I DO acknowledge the subconscious, but ever-present, prestige or "excitement" factor. I'm a very malleable person, what can I say?

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<p>No no. There's nothing wrong with applying to all ivy-league schools, confident that you can get in. That's perfectly fine with me.</p>

<p>It's just when people start talking smack about lower ranked schools just because they have that mentality that's "I'm better, because I'm choosing Yale over my safety." Do you know what I mean?</p>

<p>As long as you're happy at your highly ranked school, I'm happy for you.</p>

<p>By no means are you narrow-minded or immature.</p>

<p>If you start bashing other people's choices because they are vastly different from your list, then I'd consider you immature and narrow-minded.</p>

<p>For example, if you got into Yale and a friend of yours got into a local State University and Berkeley but chose the State U, would you encourage and support him/her or put them down and make fun of the school?</p>

<p>Hopefully the answer is encourage them.</p>

<p>I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Sorry for the confusion.</p>

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<p>frazzled sure has it right that generally, something is in all of us that dersire status. I say be content knowing you have chosen a school that you feel is right for you. Also know that status can be a great draw but it isn't everything. There was a news report the other day about Harvard- yes Harvard- probably the premier school in most peoples' minds, at Harvard 60% of the students there are seeking help for some mental health issue. Also, the report said there are more Harvard grads in prison than from any other college.
Not to say Harvard is bad, but just to show perceived status isn't everything!</p>

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<p>There's always a little part of us that needs that ranking aspect, but some people have to be willing to sacrifice it.</p>

<p>That's hard for some, if not most, people to do.</p>

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<p>Are you in Washington State? Sometimes people put down a college because it's on the other side of the country and they just don't hear much talk about it. There's something called regional prestige, and I always had the impression that UPitt, Rochester, Case all have that around here.</p>

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<p>@student615: thanks for clarifying that's exaclty what i meant!</p>

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<p>Yup, all the way in Seattle. </p>

<p>I guess that makes sense. I'm guessing someone in New York would think of Washington State U as a no-name school, but it's pretty big here.</p>

<p>But even though Rochester has the exact same rank as Georgia Tech, Georgia Tech ends up coming out on top.</p>

<p>Also: I learned about <a href="one%20word">students review</a> . Definitely google it (I can't post links). It gives us the student perspective at that school. I think this is more important than what US News or any other ranking site is attempting to convey. Am I wrong?</p>

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<p>"I've gotten into a school that's ranked in the 50s (in US News) and a school that's in the 110s. I want to go to the lower ranked school because that's where I can see myself and I know I'll be happy there. "</p>

<p>why care what they think? go where you will be most happy, and besides i don't think there's that much of a different in quality of education between a school ranked 50 and one that ranked 100. it's not like we're talking about harvard vs boston u.</p>

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<p>There is absolutely no need to justify yourself SHS. Continue heeding the words of someone far greater that us, "This above all; to thine own self be true..."</p>

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<p>everyone else in the world knows you made a good decision. somehow your friends are just immature. don't let your decision be influenced by a few immature people in your high school, which is such an isolated environment that the opinions of a few narrow minded people would be blown way out of proportion. when you leave high school you will find that nobody else thinks that way.</p>

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<p>SHS,</p>

<p>Sadly, it is not only hs kids who are dumb about this topic; there are plenty of parents who can not look past prestige and 'opportunity to network'. We know some. One of them called my husband to give him a hard time about my son's college choice. You really need to hold your head up high, have confidence in your own judgment and spend your energy getting excited about your choice.</p>

<p>I would like to encourage you to take full advantage of everything the college of your choice has to offer you. Be imaginative and ambitious about your course choices, find some out-of-class activities that are fun, but also that give you an opportunity to develop leadership skills. If your field is one that offers research opportunities, waste no time getting to know professors who will let you get started. The idea is to make your own opportunities no matter where you go to school. Many of the prestige schools make it easy for students to find such opportunities, whereas some of the lower-ranked schools will not present these opps on a platter, but they are there nonetheless. Promise yourself you will be one of those students who makes the most of your college opportunities.</p>

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<p>I absolutely agree with those who said that the difference between a top 50 school and a top 100 school are negligible. Some of the criteria that make a school rank higher are things that are just not important to some people, so it is all kind of subjective.</p>

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<p>And be happy about the money part of it! Having less debt as you go forward is only good--you will not regret it!</p>

<p>midmo</p>

<p>That's so rude that someone gave your H a hard time about your son's college choice. None of their business! Mostly we get blank stares, but I can't really fault the general population in VT for not knowing about schools in the Midwest. We hadn't heard of Pomona before we started the college search and I'll bet lots of Midwesterners haven't heard of Williams, Swarthmore or Amherst.</p>

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<p>Generally people who place their self-worth and self-image on material things to create a self are insecure. It's not uncommon in young people, it's sad when it progresses into adulthood. Think about the current collapse of the housing market: people bought "more house" than they could afford. There is no analogy about having a better house improving your job prospects, your financial situation, creating stronger or better relationships...that person just had "a better house" than they could afford, they weren't "better" people for it. A "better college" doesn't necessarily give you a "better life". You have just reached a level of self awareness maybe sooner than your high school friends. Do what YOU want to do.</p>

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<p>
[quote=younghoss]
There was a news report the other day about Harvard- yes Harvard- probably the premier school in most peoples' minds, at Harvard 60% of the students there are seeking help for some mental health issue. Also, the report said there are more Harvard grads in prison than from any other college.<a href="OT%20but%20jeebus.%20I%20can't%20let%20this%20just%20sit%20out%20there.%20What%20a%20tater.%20;">/quote</a>)</p>

<p>And pigs fly. Pray tell what report was this?</p>

<p>Hey, it doesn't do any good to argue against prestige whoring by using bad data. I'll bet dollars to donuts the statment made about prison isn't anywhere near true. Heck , you can't even see true from there.</p>

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<p>I share curmudgeon’s skepticism about the Harvard claims. Can you post a link to something, anything, that might back up those statements?</p>

<p>I think that this is an interesting and worthwhile topic. For many in America and on CC, college prestige is important. I agree with most of the advice being given here-go with your heart and where you think you’d be happiest and would grow the most-but I do wonder if some of the advice isn’t conditioned upon the schools involved. From reading CC, the prestige issue seems strongest among Ivy college proponents and aspirants. If this same question were asked to make a choice between a non-HYP Ivy like Cornell and a less heralded college ranked well below, like a Lehigh or a Boston College or a Tulane, I wonder if the advice would be the same?</p>