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Coward that I am, I haven't responded. Is it OK to just say, "Don't waste your time with us--we've already given for this year"? I don't want to alienate anyone in the college administration, so if there's an established protocol for this situation, please let me know
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This is a pretty big topic in our house since most phone calls seem to be at dinner time. We respond to phone calls by informing the caller we donate once a year to each of our charities and that we will continute to support the organization, that we only respond to snail mail, and to please remove us from their calling list. If they continue to call we inform them we will stop donating unless they respect our request ... this works 75+% of the time (and then we chicken out and do not stop the other 25%). This year I think we may add a note with each donation ... requesting limited mailings, no phone calls, and to not be listed publically as a donor.</p>
<p>If you can't afford to give, just decline the invitation and let them know that you do not want to be solicited for funds. You aren't going to alienate anyone in the administration. College development offices are very separate institutions from academic departments.</p>
<p>I have politely turned down phone solicitations from my own alma maters, including asking them not to call me again. I hate phone solicitations of all kinds. I do lots of volunteer work to help my college, but my husband and I chose careers that don't pay that well. Both of us have chosen to give back as volunteers, not by giving bucks.</p>
<p>When it comes to my kids' colleges, I have no plans of being a donor. I see my own obligations as being to my alma mater, and my kids' obligations as being to theirs. If I were a millionaire, I might be able to be more generous, but since I'm not, this is how I prioritize things.</p>
<p>I like my husband's approach. When the college fundraisers called (son is only a freshman), he said that our "contribution" this year would be that we would reluctantly pay the 5.1% increase in tuition for next year! Gently reminded them that our tuition payment would probably be our "contribution" for the next four years.</p>
<p>(Keep in mind that we get $00000 financial aid, and the tuition alone is indeed quite a burden in the big scheme of things....)</p>
<p>There's no need to feel uncomfortable about school and college fundraisers. Even the schools with the most loyal alumni or involved parents rarely get more than a 60 to 70 percent return for solicitations, according to figures I've seen. We gave small amounts annually to our children's private high school and have continued that practice for their colleges. We always receive courteous thank yous for what are very small (two-figure or low three-figure) donations. We paid full tution at secondary school and have continued to do so for college and we have felt that a small donation was all we could afford on top of that, but we want to show support by giving something. We do that with our own alma maters as well. There are are lots of people who can afford to give more and do so; there are also lots of people who don't give at all for various reasons. It is very easy to say no in all sorts of polite and face-saving ways, but I continue to feel there is no shame in saying yes to a small amount,. </p>
<p>Regarding "development prospect": I would think five figures would certainly qualify at secondary school and smaller colleges. (At our high school there are named categories of giving for anything over $1,000, and considerable perks such as special dinners with (and therefore access to) the headmaster once you get above the $5,000 level. Donors are listed by name in the school's annual report; those who give less than $1,000 are listed, but the amount is not specified; those who give more are grouped by amount category.)</p>
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I like my husband's approach. When the college fundraisers called (son is only a freshman), he said that our "contribution" this year would be that we would reluctantly pay the 5.1% increase in tuition for next year! Gently reminded them that our tuition payment would probably be our "contribution" for the next four years.
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Except for one thing: tuition at private schools does NOT cover the cost of your child's education, even if you are full-freight payers. As mini has pointed out (and backed up) time and again, even corrected to include instructional cost alone, EVERY kid, even without financial aid, is getting a big, big "grant" of thousands of dollars. NO ONE pays full freight.</p>
<p>1sokkermom, I know you meant this to be funny and witty, and I truly hope the people calling your house lauged when they heard it, but with all due respect, I find it a bit ungrateful and rude (sorry, please don't flame me; I am not being mean or sarcastic, and I know bills are high, but ALL of us are getting cut a break, and to be sarcastic about "reluctantly" paying just seems uncivil to me personally).</p>
<p>Unless you are Bill Gates, you need to prioritize your charitable giving. Nobody can support every worthy (or not so worthy) cause that asks for money. If you have any kind of giving history in your community, it's likely that during the course of the year, you'll be solicited by a dozen or more disease organizations, a few alumni associations, various schools and school-related organizations of all types, churches and other groups with religious affiliations, civic charities, hospitals, homeless advocates, disability groups, and umpteen other worthy causes.</p>
<p>If, in your assessment, your child's current college is near the top of the list in terms of need and worthiness, by all means write them a check. As several other members have suggested, though, it's a bit difficult to get excited about writing a donation check to an organization to whom one is already writing five-figure tuition checks.</p>
<p>One of the criteria I try to use in evaluating potential charitable contributions is how frugal the organization is in managing their overhead and expenses, and how effective they are in using the donations they get to directly help the targets of their charitable effort. Unfortunately, very few colleges have demonstrated effective cost control, as evidenced by ever-rising tuition (at rates well above the inflation rate), higher administrative costs, and stagnant or declining professorial productivity. Hence, I try to target my modest higher education contributions at very specific programs and activities which depend heavily on outside funding for their existence.</p>
<p>Fundraisers aren't offended if you say no. I make such calls myself, and I'm not put out - particularly when I know the person has a child in college!</p>
<p>Nedad,
I am not sure why you get so defensive about this whole fundraising thing. My comment was not intended to be rude or uncivil. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I do not want to flame you (your term), but you did a good job at rudely dismissing my point.</p>
<p>!sokkermom, I don't think anyone was being rude, defensive, nor dismissing your point. </p>
<p>Your point is that tuition is high, and for many, that is all they can contribute. This is a point we are all aware of, and all sympathize with. However, one of Nedad's (and mini's) points on these boards has been to remind us that there is a built-in "grant", as much as $10,000 or more, for every student at a private school, and to call the tuition we pay a "contribution" - as if we were paying MORE, not LESS, than the cost - is disingenuous. This point is ALSO well taken, and was made politely.</p>
<p>I agree with Roger. If you can't afford to contribute, or don't want to, don't. Simply say so. The OP didn't want to alienate the school, and I think that implying that tuition is a "contribution" might be taken the wrong way.</p>
<p>Thanks Roger. You and I were making the same point when you said the following:</p>
<p>"If, in your assessment, your child's current college is near the top of the list in terms of need and worthiness, by all means write them a check. As several other members have suggested, though, it's a bit difficult to get excited about writing a donation check to an organization to whom one is already writing five-figure tuition checks."</p>
<p>I give to all my kids schools including the college with the exception of my older daughters grade school. If you think it is hard to give money to a school with millions in endowment, try to rationalize writing a check to the school that also count the Gates and Bezos kids among the student body. I may change that even to give a token amount however, as I know funding can come from organizations that look at participation, not necessarily dollar amounts.
I also give to a few other organizations regularly ( aclu- democrats- northwest medical teams- various advocacy organizations) it doesn't bother me at all to say "no I have my list of organization and you're not on it" I do hate it when people come door to door though , I try and cut them off so they aren't wasting my time or theirs. One bad thing about the nice weather, I am usually out in my front yard, and an easy target!</p>
<p>I give a small amount every year to my alma mater (and the alumni caller is an old friend and we get to kibbitz once a year). He knows that the amount I contribute isn't going to be worth more than a meal or two (most of my money goes to areas of much higher need in rural south India), but it inflates the giving percentage, they feel good about it, and I love feeling like I've subsidized the millionaires' kids (I am NOT being facetious.) I give a slightly larger amount every year to a college I didn't attend (Earlham) because I believe in their mission.</p>
<p>For everyone else who calls, we say send it to us in writing, and we'll look at it. They never do.</p>
<p>I do recommend donating a small amount to the general fund to the schools where your kids go simply because a number of grants and programs that the school applies for asks for the percentage of parental participation in these fund raisers. It can make the difference between getting the grant or not. They do not ask for the dollar amount so a $25 can suffice; I guess lower could as well. But other than that, I tend to donate to targeted causes that I want to see developed, rather than at large funds. My little ones' school has a band funded by the Fathers' Club and a the choral group funded by the Mothers' Aux. Both worthy causes and great improvements over what was there when we first joined the school. The drama club too is a venue that I support.</p>
<p>People in the fundraising business appreciate and respect frankness. I think you can be honest and say you've already decided how much you are donating this year, and that discussing the school wouldn't alter that. It's possible they may still want to have lunch, because they're interested in building a relationship with you for the future.</p>
<p>I guess I'm in the camp who would not recommend the claim that paying that year's tuition increase takes the place of a donation. If your answer is no, say no. However lighthearted the tuition increase quip was said, I'd take it as a barb that the caller didn't know about tuition, or an admonition that the college shouldn't have increased tuition (or that if it didn't, it would have made the difference up in the donations from pleased parents). I don't think is that is realistic or fair, and it would likely diminish the intended humor for the caller. </p>
<p>I understand tuition increases are not welcome; on the other hand, they're a part of the deal unless you seek out one of the rare colleges that "lock in" fees for four years. If you have concerns about the way tuition has gone up and are refusing to donate money solely because of tuition increases, I would send those comments to the board of trustees or the president, not the person calling (who likely had very little say in the increase anyway). Otherwise, I'd just say what its more likely the truth: "Our resources are going to meet the regular expenses of our child's college education, and we have no plans to donate while s/he is enrolled" (or ever, if that's the case).</p>
<p>Hoedown: Maybe we'll take your approach--i.e., state up front that we've already given what we're going to give for 2005 and see if she still wants to meet with us.</p>
<p>This thread has been very useful to me in figuring out what level of contribution the college is looking for. We've gone to a variety of political and arts-related events and the amount of the "contribution" has always been clearly stated: You pay $X you get cocktails, $Y you get dinner, etc. Or when the HS solicited for some new equipment, the letter simply said it will cost $X for a new Z, and we just sent in a check (and asked to remain anonymous, which they respected). </p>
<p>But with this invitation, it's so nebulous--if I were totally clueless I might think she REALLY wants to "thank us for our past support and talk about your son's experience at college." But if I understand the posts correctly, if we accept an invitation we should be prepared to donate at least $10,000, and if we're not, we should decline and let her spend her time more profitably with someone else.</p>
<p>On the research issue: As I've been thinking about it more it seems that giving one substantial donation is what got us bumped up into the "development category." Son is a college soph now, and we didn't get any unusual attention until a couple of weeks ago, right after we sent in our 2005 contribution. Similar scenario with the HS. </p>
<p>So thank you to everyone for their thoughtful replies.</p>
<p>It took me years to get over the fact that I graduated from NYU undergrad yet the Grad B School did not accept me..biased I know...so I held a grudge against the school for a long time. I am over it now and have been donating a small amount. I just can't accept that NYU really needs my small donation with all the large grants and their endowment. Yet my wife and I give 8 times our NYU gift to my son's boy's summer camp (a non profit camp he attended for three years) as the camp actually has had a meaningful impact in our lives and our son's...... We donate time twice a year also to the camp painting cabins and such. It is funny we can see a tangible result of the camp's good works in our son's values ,but also in the camp alumni. We give more to a local music/arts school and a well known orphanage in the Boston area also than to NYU. Regarding my NYU gifts I guess I waited to kick the tires so to speak and cannot find a compelling reason to get motivated to donate to the university.......so the post that said" One should wait until after graduation..or something like that ,I agree....</p>
<p>MINI said: "For everyone else who calls, we say send it to us in writing, and we'll look at it. They never do."</p>
<p>Before caller Id was availble my wife would answer" sorry I am the maid, Mr and Mrs. so and so are not in at this time" Naturally if I answered I said I was the Butler....caller ID changed our routine......I am a sucker for every charity that calls though- one of the main reasons why I will never win the lottery. I would just give it all away......like in Steve Martin's movie "The Jerk" ...Remember that scene where a guy asked Steve Martin's wealthy character for new leather seats for his car?</p>
<p>I have given MIT anywhere from $25 to $500 every year since I graduated in 1975. I recently discovered that this makes me one of the top donors in my class. It's a life-long total that is below $10,000; I know other class members have given far more--but 75% have given less. (I try to give them a small percent of what I consider the bonus I get for being able to say I went to MIT and have it mean "I went to a school that taught me how to learn.")</p>
<p>If everyone gave a small amount every year, many of these schools would have nice endowment.</p>
<p>To the OP-- why don't you Google the fundraiser? If the person's title is "Major Gifts" or "Legacy and Bequests" that's a good sign that they're looking for something quite substantial... not now, but down the road. If the title is "Associate Director Parent's Fund" or "Regional Representative Annual giving" than their sights are quite lower... and they may be thrilled with $250. </p>
<p>We are usually candid with these sorts of calls. I am comfortable saying, "our son is so happy with his experience so far. We'd love to have a cup of coffee with you to learn more about the school, but we're really not in a position (or not ready, or not planning on) to consider another gift until he's graduated and he can take up the cause for us." If you get polite silence, that's your answer.... if the fundraiser gushes, you can have coffee or a sandwich without feeling awkward.</p>
<p>I have volunteered as a fundraiser for various causes. From time to time we'd be stunned by a massive gift which came from someone who never gave before, or only gave token amounts. Made the whole process of cultivating small donations much more interesting!</p>
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Before caller Id was availble my wife would answer" sorry I am the maid, Mr and Mrs. so and so are not in at this time" Naturally if I answered I said I was the Butler....caller ID changed our routine.....
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<p>For some reason when we get calls they would ask if my mom was home.... I would just say "no she isn't"... never really figured that out, it isn't like I sound like melanie griffith!</p>