<p>With son #1 this was not a problem. Cornell sent a mass parents' mailing once a year and otherwise left us alone. But with son #2 (at an LAC) a fundraiser has contacted us and invited us to lunch/dinner to "thank us for our past contributions [not that significant at all, frankly] and talk about our son's experience" at the college. She didn't come out and say she'd be asking for more money, but you have to know that's what would happen.</p>
<p>Coward that I am, I haven't responded. Is it OK to just say, "Don't waste your time with us--we've already given for this year"? I don't want to alienate anyone in the college administration, so if there's an established protocol for this situation, please let me know.</p>
<p>It isn't as overt as that for our son's LAC but I still don't respond when they send mass mail. I plan on contributing once a year. I also let my company's matching donation do the rest of the work. I don't know how it is going to be because he's just a freshman and this is his second semester. </p>
<p>But if they did call me, I would say very nicely that my finances are stretched a bit because I'm paying full fare (not according to Mini, but I am paying the entire amount they ask of me). I would be as charming as they are....saying how happy I am with the school etc etc. etc.</p>
<p>This may be a stupid question, but why would I feel the need to contribute anything? That's what alumni are for, in my opinion -- not parents of alumni and certainly not parents of future alumni. I make a nice contribution to my alma mater(s), and I would expect my S to eventually do the same for his. This all strikes me as very odd, is it mainly an LAC thing? I don't believe my parents ever got hit up for anything by either my undergraduate school (a large public) or my law school (small "Top 10").</p>
<p>I don't believe parents should donate anything really until their kid is finished with the process. IF they feel they want to that is fine, but you really don't know what kind of experience this is going to be until they are done. I do not donate money to my sons' private school. I will go the annual fundraiser and contribute as I see fit, but not for the general fund yet. My son can determine whether this is a worthy cause when he graduates. I have seen families contribute a big amount,and then their kid gets kicked out of school that term. Too close to home for me. </p>
<p>The fundraising departments are separate entities from the rest of the school, so it is not like your contribution is getting you anything for the kid or for anything else at the school. Your dollar will go much further if you direct it. I donated money for my son's sport, for instance, that made things directly better, and had I put the same money into the general collections, it would not have trickled down that way. At my little ones' school, I give a generous donation to the drama department that permits it to buy some fancier props and just breathe a little easier when it puts on the annual production. I collect for the director and other teachers assisting, and throw in some extra money as well so they get a nice check for all of their trouble. Without that, there would not be as much done, and a general check to the school is not going to make its way into that corner.</p>
<p>I guess I view these gifts as being supportive of the place where your son is going to school. Most alumni fund and parents funds gifts are unrestricted and go directly to the general budget of the schools, directly enriching your son's experience; these gifts give schools real financial flexibility. While I am naturally most enthusiastic about my own alma mater, I do expect to support my son's school next year too (gulp, above and beyond tuition). </p>
<p>Parents Funds are very active at most LAC's and Ivies. My parents were hit up by my LAC's Parents Fund years ago.</p>
<p>Janesmith, I think you can politely decline the invitation to lunch/dinner if you want!</p>
<p>I should probably disclose that I am very active in fundraising for my alma mater's alumni fund, so I am probably a bit biased in my answer. I do agree that parents should not feel OBLIGATED to give the $$.</p>
<p>JaneSmith: you've been targeted as a development prospect. That's what the lunch means. Do you have money? Could someone google your name (or your husband's) and figure out that your family income is higher than the average? Do you regularly donate in the "name" groups to other colleges and get your name published? That's how development works.</p>
<p>Agree: your being invited to dine indicates the school views you as a good development prospect. Best of luck.</p>
<p>That being said, schools (private elementary and high schools included) try to fundraise from anyone that they can connect to the student - parents and grandparents particularly. At this point I am being asked regularly for contributions to all the schools that I attended plus all those that S attended. Sorry, schools; with the cost of attendance we do not think it necessary to add much if anything in the way of voluntary contributions (no matter what Mini says about the true cost of the education) while our S is in school, and certainly not very much after he graduated, since the next school is now looking to us. Besides, there are my own schools, and other very worthy causes.</p>
<p>Jamimom -- This is a bit off topic, but I couldn't e-mail you, so I'm posting it here! You mentioned donating money to the drama department so that they could "breath a little easier". After the last musical, my D announced that if she died in the next year, she wanted her memorial money to go to the high school musical so that nobody would ever have to sell another stinkin' candy bar again!</p>
<p>
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This may be a stupid question, but why would I feel the need to contribute anything?
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I don't feel a "need," but a strong desire. The school has been around since the 1700s, so it's reputation is pretty well established :) ; it's been WONDERFUL way past even our wildest dreams for our child; he is doing brilliantly and is respected and liked by much of the administration, who know him and us by name; I could go on and on and on. This is one of those schools whose alumni adore it; it seems to stay in their hearts forever. The chances of his "having a bad experience" or flunking out approach zero.</p>
<p>I feel proud and honored that I am am able to contribute, though I do not feel "obligated." Also, I do not have any negative feelings about "development" prospects (or being tapped as one); as Mini will tell you, that's where the money comes from for all the things that students (whether getting a free ride or paying full freight) take advantage of. I have nothing but respect for those in society who are constantly asked to bear the lion's share of the burden, whether paying the 5-and-6 figure taxes that provide the government's many social services, providing the hospital wings, the scholarships, the donations to the arts, the parks, etc. etc. etc. --- all those people who are never thanked. I will never being able to donate something like (for example) Rockefeller's Acadia National Park, but in my own very small way I can do things philanthropically that make the world a better place.
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Besides, there are my own schools, and other very worthy causes.
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My children's private colleges are only a few of the places to whom I happily contribute, without obligation!</p>
<p>My S is on financial aid at his college and my D is going to be a freshman in college next year. I gave a token amount this year as a gesture that when my kids are out of college and we are not so pinched I would like to give back to such an amazing college. I know my S would not have gotten the finaid he has if it were not for alumni.</p>
<p>dmd77 - Well, define "money". I always thought of developmental cases as people willing and able to making million-dollar donations, or six-figure ones, anyway. Which is not us. Is it worth it for colleges to go after five figures or less?</p>
<p>Googling names? Do they really do this? Or do they just check your not-applying-for-financial-aid child's application to see what Mom and Dad do and where they work? </p>
<p>So far I've just been dodging the e-mails (fundraiser has NOT called, thank heavens). Our experience with our kids' HS is that if you respond and make a significant donation even once, they start calling and never stop. Throwing little dribs of money at them after that doesn't pacify them--just whets their appetite.</p>
<p>Which is why we need a new strategy vis a vis S's college.</p>
<p>Yes, the development offices do "research" (and google would be one of their tools and you are right, where Mom and Dad work is another clue). The colleges definitely view five-figure gifts as "worth" going after.</p>
<p>
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Throwing little dribs of money at them after that doesn't pacify them--just whets their appetite.</p>
<p>Which is why we need a new strategy vis a vis S's college.
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Ah.....I see now. You don't feel - not even remotely - as I do toward my son's college. While in our case, that would make both me and S (I asked him) very sad, in your case, your best friend is caller ID :)</p>
<p>Development staffs do prospect well below the six-figure donation level. I'd be very straight with the rep. If you are interested in dining with her, do it. If not, don't. And in either case, I'd let her know that you do not plan on increasing your gift anytime soon. In my case, my wife and I do make a reasonable donation to our mutual alma mater, and when I was interested in finding out more about what was up at the school I did agree to meet with a rep. But I was pretty candid about our plans for donation both prior to, and during visits.</p>
<p>I'm a student who is frequently called upon to chat and entertain alumni and development. Anything over five figures is good. Money is money!</p>
<p>I highly suggest that if you don't have money to give, you offer to give time. If you have an interesting career ask if you could be put in touch with their career center to perhaps mentor or sit on a panel. I once met a journalist alumni who refused to talk to us after she found out we were from alumni-- at that point, we didn't care whether she had money or not, but would have loved for her to talk to students about her career!</p>
<p>Since we graduated, my H and I have donated to our undergrad and graduate alma maters annually. When D1 started college, we began making a donation to her school as well. We did the same with D2, and will again with D3 starting next year and yet again, when D4 goes in a couple of years. There is no obligation felt, just desire to support the schools which are providing our children with a wonderful education. Our Ds are very happy at their respective schools and we feel privileged to be able to financially support those schools as best we can. </p>
<p>I wouldn't donate out of a sense of obligation, to ANY cause. Our charitable donations are always fairly well-researched so that we know exactly what percentage of the money is actually making it to the intended target. This isn't really a concern in donating to colleges in the same way it is with other charities. I mention this only because I wouldn't feel uncomfortable in declining an offer of dining, in this circumstance, if I didn't really want to do so. I don't have a problem saying no to canvassers for any charity. And if you choose to make a one time donation and find that they are barraging you with requests, simply ask them not to contact you again. It's not difficult! :)</p>
<p>I remember seeing something in the paper about the head of ebay (Meg Whitman?) donating a dorm to Princeton and naming it after herself.....I don't know about the naming part, but if I won the lottery tomorrow the first thing I'd do would be to write a big fat check out to my alma mater and my kids' private school.....money well spent for all the college did for me.....</p>