<p>If this is truly what you believe, then go ahead and set up your funding to cover the expected cost (remember to consider inflation effects) of 4 years at your in-state flagship university for each of your children. That’s all you need to do. </p>
<p>FORGET ALL THE ‘GOTCHAS" YOU MENTION LATER ON. DO NOT TALK ABOUT MAKING ANY EXCEPTIONS FOR SPECIFIC UNIVERSITIES LIKE STANFORD, MIT, OR CALTECH OR NOT PERMITTING THE MONEY TO BE USED FOR TRADE SCHOOLS. You have no idea at this point of what your childrens’ interests and/or abilities will be when they enter their senior year of high school. You are placing undue pressure on them when you say “I’ll give you this money – and even extra money – only if you go to the school I consider “worthy” or major in the particular subjects that I choose.” Let them apply the money you’ve set aside for their education to the school they feel is their best fit. And if it’s an expensive private school like Stanford (or Juilliard), then they need to get scholarships or find other sources of funding to cover the remaining cost. That way you treat all of your children equally. </p>
<p>IMHO, that is what “sounds fair and reasonable” to me.</p>
<p>I can tell you right now that if you give one child the full cost of MIT (because you “approve” of his intended engineering major) and tell another child that they have to study painting at the University of Wyoming (even though they got into RISD), you will be setting up some unbelievable family tension and resentments.</p>
<p>This thread smells like a ■■■■■ post to me, but I’ll assume it’s not, but it really does. :D</p>
<p>OK, assuming it’s not. Is this for the “baby on the way?” If so… you are going to change so much over the next 18-20 years. “In-state” could mean a different state. Your priorities may change. The economy may change. It could be a different world by then. I wouldn’t even think about questions like “which colleges will I be willing to pay for when sweet little Embryos 1, 2, and 3 come of age.” I’d just figure out what you can afford to save, and start socking it away. You might consider a state 529 plan, if it can be transferred or applied elsewhere, or you might consider the Independent 529 Plan (look it up). But keep what flexibility you can… it’s nearly a generation away.</p>
<p>I got a good chuckle out of this. Your kid will be asking you much tougher question than this one before you need an answer for this.</p>
<p>1) Where do babies come from?
2) Can boy and boy get married?
3) Can I go to a movie with John (age 18), your daughter(age 14)
4) Are we covered for birth control?</p>
<p>I would never dream of treating my children equally. They are very different from each other in needs.</p>
<p>I never set out a “college fund” for each of my children, nor have I kept tab on how much I’ve spent on either of their needs. </p>
<p>When it comes to determining what to do for a child, I’ve looked at first what would benefit their development (as people) and then see what can be done to advance that without significant risk to the longer term plan (funding retirement, the home, etc.). If I promise a X level education to both of my children, it puts hard constraints on other funding priorities (like funding retirement) that could end up with them supporting me in my old age - not exactly what they had in mind.</p>
<p>And in our case, I have one soon-to-be college student (goaliegirl) and one who is not college material (asperger’s and bi-polar - a bit too much for him to manage his own affairs). Goaliegirl has had plenty of opportunities (boarding school thanks to generous FA) and the freedom to pursue her college aspirations at an OOS where she is a recruitied athlete with an AROTC scholarship. She could have stayed in-state and given up hockey and saved us R&B, but I know that she has done well with the athletics and it helps her as a person, so I can afford to indulge her. </p>
<p>My son OTOH, has had the opportunity to have a car provided to him (goaliegirl has never had a set of wheels dedicated to her) while he tried his hand at jobs (somewhat successful with help) and college (failure despite all of the support made avaialble to him). When it comes time for him to try independent living (he struggles with this), he will be subsidized to facilitate a supportive environment to the extent that we can.</p>
<p>I’m not keeping tabs on the money for equality. Goaliegirl has a very good understanding of our financial situation and what we do to keep both of them going. She appreciates what we can do and have done for her. My son who struggles with understanding social relationships (part of his aspergers) and really doesn’t have the capacity to understand what is appropriate in these matters, so we keep him in the dark with regards to our finances.</p>
<p>My advice stands - take care of important things like retirement and housing security first and then save for your children’s development. And spend that development money to maximize the potential in their lives regardless of where that leads them educationally.</p>
<p>No, I’m not a ■■■■■…I have an opportunity to set money aside that will increase in value tax free and I need to figure out a plan for savings. I am not picking the school, but using the cost figure of the in state school where I’m living now as a reference point. The other states I may live in are similiar costs.</p>
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<p>Your examples and philosophy is very interesting…that was originally what I felt, but don’t think my personality can swing it. I’m too black and white to treat different kids differently. I think my wife could swing it, but financial decisions she reverts to me.</p>
<p>The idea is that among a random group of brothers and sisters, you often have one that stands out as being more academically focused, and it’d make sense to be willing to pay for a more expensive college for that student, becuase he might benefit more for the education. But a lot of students are drawn to an expensive education and then his brothers and sisters might want the same. How do you refuse the others an expensive school when you know they won’t take it seriously? I dunno. </p>
<p>I think I’ll stick with the treat all equally with college funding becuase that will just be easier.</p>
<p>Personally, we thought the School of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon was well worth paying for and every bit as good as MIT or Stanford, better (or at least far less limited) than what was offered at Caltech. I think your plan is nutty - we didn’t even consider our state universities.</p>
<p>You’ll get past the black and white issue, trust me, once you get to know your kids.</p>
<p>How to keep the kid from asking for the expensive college that s/he won’t take seriously? </p>
<p>One simple solution - I love both my kids the same. I tell them I try to get both of them (and my wife for that matter) what they need to be the best they can. I insist on them evaluating the alternatives and tell them, if you force me to make a choice between helping you and your sibling, you will lose. This isn’t about you, it is about us.</p>
<p>Mathmom, can you explain what you think is nutty? It is it that you are a fan of private universities, and feel they deliver a better education?</p>
<p>Carnegie Mellon costs $50,000 a year in today’s dollars. I don’t think that I’ll be able to save up $200,000 - $250,000 (today’s dollars) for a private school education for each of the future kids. As I said early on, it doesn’t look like I’ll qualify for need based financial aid.</p>
<p>On edit, I saw you live in New York city. I understand that salaries are much higher over on the east coast (I live on the west coast) so perhaps the cost isn’t so great. I also understand your state universities are expensive there, while ours on the west coast are much cheaper than private schools.</p>
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<p>That’s an eloquent way of putting it, and I commend you for how you raise your kids.</p>
<p>Are you using a program that allows you to prepay for state colleges in your state? The reason I ask is because state colleges can sometimes occasionally be more expensive than a private college that gives substantial merit aid or gives financial aid to even those families who make in excess of $100k per year.</p>
<p>I checked my EFC using today’s income and assets, and it showed my EFC is around $30-$50k. I don’t think we’ll qualify for need based financial aid in 18 years. Merit based aid will be purused, but outside this thread because I will provide for an education regardless of whether my kids qualify for merit based aid.</p>
<p>I am using a prepaid tuition program but the money can be used at pretty much any school in the US. The value is based on the tuition at the state school.</p>
<p>And why is that a mistake? The better hair stylists where I live (DC suburbs) make very good money. If that is what your child wants to do and is good at it, why not?</p>
<p>If my kid wants to be hair stylist, I think he/she should first get a degree in something so if he/she gets tired of doing hair, there is a college degree to fall back on. It’s his/her choice on whether to go for the degree, but I’m not willing to fund a non-degree program in lieu of a degree program.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with my opinion of a particular profession. That’s great that hair stylists make good money.</p>
<p>But you might fund a degree in something say engineering or accounting and your child might get tired of working in that profession. Sounds to me as if you DO have something against certain professions.</p>
<p>I think many public universities deliver a fine education. But my state is suffering a severe fiscal crisis, the SUNYs aren’t that cheap and all they are in the boonies and not one had a top-notch computer science program which my older son needed. Even if I hadn’t saved the $200,000 (which I didn’t, we inherited our college savings), my son could easily repay the loans. He already makes good money in the summer and I don’t expect him to have any problem finding a job when he graduates. </p>
<p>In favor of private universities, I think they often (not always) have a more diverse population, especially of people from all over the country.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule about what is right you can decide what you want to pay for and make your kids get loans for the remainder. I think that’s a reasonable approach. My parents paid for my education, I am grateful and would like to pass the same gift along to my kids.</p>
<p>I’ll fund engineering, accounting, philosophy, art history, social science, forestry, sociology or any other major.</p>
<p>But I won’t fund airplane pilot school, logger school, beauty school, truck driving school, backhoe operator school, or other non-degree programs.</p>
<p>It is the one thing that I am providing an incentive on. If they choose to go for a degree, I will pay for most of the cost. If they choose a non-degree program, they get to pay for it.</p>
<p>If one of my D’s wanted to train to be a beautician, backhoe driver, carpenter, electrician, plumber, etc etc etc, we’d be good with it. These are jobs where there’s always a need, where you can earn a great living (insert old joke about doctor complaining about what the plumber charges), and which can’t be outsourced. </p>
<p>The logging I wouldn’t be happy about (incredibly dangerous, plus not necessarily the best long-term job prospects). Ditto truck driving. </p>
<p>babyontheway, keep in mind the old saw about best-laid plans. My 18-years-younger self had very different ideas about where our children would attend college, and how much it would cost. Starting to save now is wonderful, but flexibility will also serve you well.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’m calling ■■■■■ on this one. I don’t think a person who’s about to have a baby would be on college confidential, unless they were already a poster here before they started their family, which this person clearly isn’t. These posts just sound fake to me, with little sincerity behind them. </p>
<p>And on the off chance that they are honest postings, you should talk to a financial advisor, not a bunch of strangers on the internet. A financial advisor can look at your actual figures and evaluate how much you CAN save for college and the best way to do so.</p>