How to handle child's academic dishonesty

@TheGreyKing great post, one of the best I have seen on CC.

In our high school cheating is rampant. One of my kids was always the only one who read the book (Walden for instance). Seriously.

These kids are immature. We cannot judge their moral sense yet. In fact, one of my kids, who is actually pathologically honest, told me she thought cheating was a way to deal with the corrupt education system. She saw adults being paid for not teaching or not doing what they should be doing in a variety of ways. She saw it as subversion!

I talked with her about it of course, but I also told her I understood that she was forming her own moral code (at 14) in an environment that was not moral. Um, that was our public school. I also told her that I expected her to form a moral code that reflected the values I knew she had in her. And she is now maybe one of the most ethically pure people I know.

The “everyone does it” thing never went over very well with me (!). But I did feel that hearing that my daughter was struggling with these issues was reassuring to me about her character.

Finally, kids often cheat for reasons other than laziness. The assignment may have been inappropriate, the teaching may be subpar, the pressure from school and sometimes home may be great. I would agree with the idea of looking at the level of class he is in or even changing the school if he is feeling he needs to cheat.

Also remove other time sucks that he is anxious to get back to, like video games, not in a punitive sense but because it makes sense.

Your relationship is the important thing. Seeking an outside entity to deal with the moral development of your child, externalizing it, seems wrong to me. Deal with it yourself, and try to respect his reasons, his level of maturity and any stressed he is under. I would treat it as a problem you can solve together. That will open the doors of communication as her matures and develops his own moral compass.

I am concerned by this post with something you are probably not expecting one to be concerned with… in that I read your post and am wondering why you are trying to control your son’s life to an inappropriate degree in my opinion.

I would feel better as a parent, if he were caught by a teacher or some outside life experience and then had to come to you and admit his wrong/ look to you for guidance… rather than your invasion of his privacy and judge jury convictions based upon YOUR own personal inner life experience/ morals.

News flash 8/10 students in that class probably didn’t read the book or original source material and looked to their own resources (spark cliiff notes or online reviews) in completing the assignment. As you have read here that works well in law and other fields and isn’t necessarily plagiarism. It can be an asset to think outside the box in an expeditious way. Or maybe not. but IMO it is his life to live and learn from not yours.

In my opinion, you need to step back and let him learn from his decisions from his lived experience rather than your ideal way he should have acted.

Me, I’d have a discussion with him rather than a trial.