I’m going to start college in a month as a mechanical engineering major. I’m pretty excited for the most part. I went to my school’s orientation and I’m a bit more excited about going there (it was originally my safety school).Unfortunately I still have a nagging feeling in my stomach that I failed somewhere.
I had high hopes as a high school senior to attend a big name school because that’s where smart high achieving kids go. After a couple of rejections and financial decisions, I decided to attend my state public school which has over 20,000 kids. I’m a bit more accepting about my decision now (at least compared to 3 months ago), but when I see my friends from a summer program I attended (it was a semi-prestigious one) and their facebook pictures, I get knots in my stomach. They’re all going to Johns Hopkins, Cornell, MIT, and UPenn and other similar schools. We have similar life goals and they’re my peers, so it feels weird that they are going to these big name schools while I’m attending my big state school. I just feel like I failed somewhere.
I’m not sure if this is even a real question anymore. I guess it became more of a whiny rant. Thanks for anyone that listened.
There will be at least one person thats in the same situation as you so don’t worry
If you wait a few months, you’ll probably come to love your new school and feel that you’ve “outgrown” caring about college admissions and US News rankings.
You will get out of college exactly what you put into it - no more or less, regardless where you attend. Your experience would be “different” at every school you can put on a list, but no less valid. And think of it this way - if you play your cards right, you not only get a good education at a reasonable cost, but via those peers from the summer program, you have access to their fancy-schmancy school networks, just like they do.
Once you realize the statement “I had high hopes as a high school senior to attend a big name school because that’s where smart high achieving kids go.” is very wrong, you’ll be fine 
^ It’s not wrong. It’s just that sometimes smart, high achieving kids don’t get into any of those places and they go to their safeties instead. Go kick butt, get great grades, and join activities you enjoy. It’ll work out.
Some of those friends may struggle at the schools you listed, even if they don’t admit it. In a couple of months you will be too immersed in coursework to care very much. ME is hard work, you might be glad you aren’t at a higher powered school.
I’ve typed out lengthy responses to this before because it’s an extremely common sentiment but the gist of it is that you are overthinking it and will be completely fine. The nature of state schools is that many many kids who could’ve gotten into more “prestigious” schools but couldn’t afford it will end up at the state flagship. You’re going to encounter a huge range of people including students who are either brilliant, creative, artistic, hilarious, thoughtful, passionate, or a combination of the above. Halcyonheather is right, unless you seriously devote your energy to moping around and being miserable that you’re not at an Ivy, you are not going to think about rankings at all once you’re there. It’s much more like that you’ll love the school and feel at home and find the places where you can thrive.
“I get knots in my stomach”
Assuming you can’t simply stop feeling that way, are you going to use it to your advantage or are you going to let it eat you up from the inside out?
There are a lot of kids who would do anything to be in your shoes right now. Go forth and do well.
If you keep yourself busy with what your school has to offer, you could end up having so much fun at it that those other “prestigous schools” that you had originally wanted to go to will fade away. Even if you were to visit those other schools again, those schools could probably just feel like other places that are on the road and nothing compared to where you go now. I felt a little sad as I passed by the exit of a highway to a school that I couldn’t afford earlier this summer, but then I immediatly remembered all of the things that I have waiting for me at my school pretty soon!
To add to my other post:
This website would have you believe that everyone cares about selective college admissions, but it’s really kind of a niche interest. Lots of people have other priorities. There will be plenty of smart, high-achieving kids at your school who didn’t even apply to elite universities.
And sometimes smart, high achieving students choose not to go to any of those places, preferring instead the scholarship they got at their safety or the honors college at another school or the wonderful campus and great academics at their local state school.
OP, it’s okay to feel like the grass is greener at some other school. Many, many people feel the same way when they first go to their college. Make the most of your experience–take fun classes, make great friends, get good work experience. I promise you, you will not be the smartest or most ambitious kid at your school, and that’s okay. Let them encourage you to do better. If this was your safety school, then you will likely be well suited for the academics at this school. Get good grades, but also remember all of the other things that will help you learn outside of the classroom, like work experience, internships, studying abroad, research, teaching, etc. There are lots of opportunities for a top student at any school, if you make the most of it. And the bonus is that those experiences will help you standout from everyone else in the crowd.
Oh wow I didn’t expect so many responses! To be honest, I typed this post in the spur of the moment after seeing a couple of facebook posts. I do feel a little better though.
Thank you. I do plan to make the most of my situation.
Lots of responses, b/c even though lots of people on CC seem to be all about prestige, most people are all about being a community that offers support and encouragement. All the parents here have seen super smart, super hard working students not get into schools that they are entirely qualified for. And all of us have seen super smart, super hard working students who are going to schools that are ‘lower’ than they are qualified for, but are realistic financially. And all of us know lots of super high achieving adults who came from very meh colleges. And b/c we know all these things we don’t like seeing a good student starting out on one of life’s great adventures with a knot in their stomach and feeling as if they have already failed before they even start. Go with your head high, your mind open and your heart full of excitement. It’s going to be a wild ride
I feel you. Especially when my parents talk to their friends whose kids I grew up with, and they go to CMU, Princeton, UPenn etc. The parents also compare their kids to others’ kids (aka, humble-bragging).
Haha, I couple months ago, I would just sit and think about it and cry. Thanks for voicing all my thoughts. I definitely feel better.
Stay strong and good luck in college!
Change your facebook profile pic to one showing the symbol or name of your new school. Be proud! Others will probably follow your lead.
Right back at you, @CeLcel. Trust me, no kid- and no parent!- gets through unscathed, no matter how perfect the path looks. No one. That’s part of why some parents are so desperate to prove just how amazing their kid is. I’m sorry the decision season was so painful for you, but honestly you have a great adventure ahead of you. Same advice: go with your head high, your mind open and your heart full of excitement.
If it really bothers you, get a 4.0 and transfer.
Edit: It’s good to have a chip on your shoulder. At my state school, some friends and I had the opportunity to talk to the CEO of Mission BBQ and I asked him for any advice he could share with aspiring students. He told me that he became successful by always having a chip on his shoulder and funneling the energy that chip gave him into something successful. Go and do likewise. If you hate your situation enough, you’ll do whatever you can to change it; whether that’s getting a 4.0 and transferring or working hard enough to get a killer internship and job, you’ll do whatever you can to get rid of that chip.
I know it may not sound like it at first but I know how you feel kinda. I’m going to Emory this fall. While Emory is a pretty good school, pretty much no one in my state has ever heard of it. I was going to go to Berkeley but couldn’t afford it. So when people ask me where I’m going and I say Emory I always feel the need to defend why I chose Emory (besides the financials). So I felt like no one was impressed by where I was going to go to college, especially since everyone expected me to go to a famous school. People even ask me why I didn’t just go to the state flagship over Emory. Kinda frustrates me honestly, because even if I try to describe how great Emory is people will just say “Oh that’s cool” or something like that. To most of the people around me, going to Emory was the same as attending a random state school they had never heard of. At the end of the day I told myself, “Let’s just have a good time when we get over there” and that’s exactly what I intend to do. Perfect way to forget about what other people may think/not understand. I pass the same advice to you, just have fun where you end up going.