<p>Ou son is from a middle class family and went to Amherst from a small rural town in the mountains, and a public school education. At that time, Amherst was moving into a leadership position among top LAC’s to encourage middle class kids to apply. Since that time, they have made adjustments in how they award financial aid (grants, not loans) because they realized the excessively burdensome student loan total upon graduation was causing students to choose majors or otherwise have limited options in their work life immediately after college. Please read some of the early speeches by President Tony Marx upon his arrival to campus, discussing how he was committed to this part of the campus body. He lamented that while the majority of the country was middleclass, only 14% of the Amherst student body came from that sector. He hoped to improve on that.</p>
<p>That said, when my son arrived, he kept a great sense of humor as he got to know everyone. Try not to let yourself self-define according to your background, is my suggestion. </p>
<p>He never owned a car, kept a tightly budgeted life and worked hard off-campus, and had friends from every background although most were middle-class I’d say. He would sometimes describe his astonishment at the kid who went home for break, and home was an entire island. Or how hard it was for him to imagine a family where they needed no aid whatsoever. How could it be possible to write a check for that large tuition in the same way we, as a family, write off a monthly check for the electric bill, right out of the checkbook. He was speaking of the families who needed absolutely no loans or other help whatsoever.</p>
<p>He found that a difference was the role that thinking about money played in his life, but not in the lives of some of the wealthier students. Example: a group had to go to Boston together for a project using their cars. Original plan was to leave at 10 a.m., but the day wore on and finally the group decided to leave at l0 p.m. This would require an overnight stay in a Boston hotel to accomplish the same project. For my son, that was almost a dealbreaker, but he realized that to them, this extra cost had absolutely no bearing on their decision of when to leave town. He pulled more from his job earnings that week, because he certainly didn’t want to be left out of the trip. He realized he had to pull and tug at his resources to do what they could do without a thought. </p>
<p>These are nice people. Had he voiced a protest I wouldn’t be surprised if someone would have covered his part of the hotel tab, too. It’s just a different way of having to make decisions. It doesn’t mean the others are snoots.</p>
<p>There were times when he went to restaurants with friends as a special thing, and his strategy was to order a salad while they ordered–whatever they wanted. Then he got the benefit of their friendship and company. He wouldn’t accept them picking up a tab because he wasn’t a “mooch.” But most meals were taken on campus at Valentine. When it got tiresome, there were some places right on the Main street that offered some more Spanish-style take-out for around $8 - $l0. It seemed to me he pulled one of those meals around once per week, and in the company of other friends needing Variety, not Valentine. </p>
<p>Sometimes there are distinct advantages, too, such as getting invited for breaks to stay in friends’ homes where there is much generosity, big rooms, great food. While he couldn’t share in the big ski vacations or go overseas for a Spring Break or summer, he did enjoy home-based vacations with many friends being invited home by that family. </p>
<p>He also had friends who thought he was rich because we live in our own house, not a crowded apartment. It’s all relative. If you imagine how you’d want to seem available as a possible friend to someone, that is the same issue for some kids of great wealth. My other son now meets wealthy students whose concern is, “do they like me for me, or for my money?” So put yourself in the other guy’s shoes and realize they, too, have a wish to make sincere friends, undefined by the differences of wealth across backgrounds. </p>
<p>It was my impression that he had to work a bit harder because his offcampus job took away one day per week from his studies. OTOH, upon graduation, he parlayed that work skill into his first post-graduation job. And he was always proud of working hard. </p>
<p>Just realize you’ll meet people in much better and much worse shape than your own background; be open to all. Don’t even judge someone negatively if they do drive a great car, since they might be an amazingly interesting and open-minded, open-hearted person. They just might not get it when you hesitate over decisions that to them are no-brainers. Don’t let it bother or limit your college experience. You have as much to offer them as vice-versa, only measurable in different ways. Good luck!</p>