SO we have been looking at some boarding schools for my son. Originally, we were considering progressive schools, such as Buxton in Mass. or Putney in Vt. However, I found out that both schools have sex scandals, as well as a progressive school in England. The victims attributed it to the lax rules and hands-off approach by the faculty and administration.
So, I decided to research conventional schools. It turns out they are no better. Groton, St. Paul’s, St. George’s, Exeter, Andover, Hotchkiss, Choate, you name it, there has been some covered-up sex scandal. Ergo, the issue is not unique to progressive boarding schools.
So are there any major, prominent boarding schools that do not suffer from this issue? What are they doing differently?
Google scandal + any boarding school (or any public or private school) and something will likely pop up.
You should not limit your search to schools without scandal. Rather, research the administration’s response to care for the students, punish the offenders, and set up programs to prevent recurrence
There’s a difference between a scandal 30 years ago that’s now come to light, and one that’s occurred in the past few years. And yes, pretty much every school has had a scandal – things were different 40 years ago (#metoo anyone?) – so the real important information is how the school is handling it.
Actually, we found the same thing when we looked several years ago. What really matters is how was it handled? Is the same person/people in charge? What are the policies? Do they make the kids sign an agreement? What happens when someone breaks a policy? Is it a one strike policy?
Lastly, does the school cover how to report an issue? And kids should be able to talk to the mental health counseling and first and foremost their parents. There are some good films about what predators do and how they act. There are also some unfortunate events at many schools.
I don’t think that there are rampant issues at BS’s as compared to any high school. Sadly, this stuff happens.
Every school is going to have something bad happen-- all of the above posters are correct - what is the school’s track record for handling such problems? Do they sweep it under the rug? Did it take multiple police reports/complaints/incidents before they did anything about the situation or did they handle it immediately with stern punishment?
Even at home, you will not be able to control your child’s environment and/or actions 100%. We do not send our kids to BS to live in a Utopian bubble. We send them to learn how to be successful adults. Unfortunately, they are going to have to succeed in an imperfect world.
Completely agree, especially the second paragraph. Search the sex offender registry by your zip code and you’ll want to move somewhere else. Problem is, every zip code has that problem, and you run out of places to consider. So, you just have to learn how to live in a world with risks.
In the case of BS, most scandals are decades old and the schools have committed tremendous resources toward correction and prevention. I feel more comfortable with my kids at a school that has publicly confronted the issue, than my local public school, which likely has more incidents, but they are more easily hidden, since such stories aren’t sensationalistic national news.
We had similar concerns and @skieurope is correct in saying that many schools have had or have issues, including the highest rated ones. In the end we settled on Canterbury School in New Milford, CT. They have a terrific and accomplished Headmaster in Rachel Stone who husband Jim is the Athletic Director. Their brand new student center is amazing and they are sending their graduates to some of the very best universities. We couldn’t be happier. It turned out to be the perfect choice.
Children and teens are victimized EVERYWHERE, and most frequently the perpetrator is a family member, close friend of the family, or a clergyman. Yes, sometimes it’s an upperclassman. Sometimes it’s a teacher. Perpetrators take advantage of vulnerable kids in vulnerable situations - which are MANY settings - your home, their friend’s house, school, camp, scouts, church, anywhere.
Teach your child to recognize inappropriate behavior, to stand up for him/her self, to know how to walk away, ask for help, etc. Keeping them out of boarding school does protect them from being victimized at boarding school. But it can still happen elsewhere.
My knee jerk reaction was, “Oh heavens! Would you prefer a good old fashioned drug scandal?”
The reason we know about these sex scandals is usually because the institutions have evolved to no longer accept such behavior, IMHO.
BUT, here’s the thing: YOU have to be able to trust the school. Ask the questions you feel that you need to ask, and only apply to schools that you feel that you can trust.
I don’t have a lot to add, but I do want to assure you that it is definitely something that parents think about and take seriously. It is scary to send off our beautiful children to places we cannot control or supervise. This is why the adage of “you are sending your child to people, not just a school” is so true.
These days the administrations of these schools are all doing their level best to make sure the students are safe, healthy and respected in every possible way. They are way more aware and proactive and alert than they may have been 30 years ago. I don’t think things are any worse at boarding schools than any other high school.
It is also really hard to suss out, how the administrative and student cultures differ from school to school. To me, they are two separate things. How students interact with each other is different than how the administration addresses inappropriate adult behavior and/or student behavior. Both are important to consider.
Ideally you find out from an honest, forthright student what the culture around sexuality is really like at a school. That is super hard to find if you don’t know people at the school.
So, prepare your boarding-school bound kid the same way you would for any school - teach self-respect, respect for others, language to talk about sexuality, and to not keep something secret if something bad is happening to someone they know. Those are fundamental life skills anywhere.
What??? “Intimacy” is predatory behavior. Adults and children, especially when the adults are teachers, cannot be whatsoever consensual or described as harmless “intimacy.”
But why would they randomly bring that up in a discussion of predatory behavor? And then discuss how “intimacy issues” occur at every school? It appears to me like they are using “intimacy issues” to describe predatory behavior.
I suggest that you sit down and have a drank conversation with the child you are considering sending to BS. They will have a LOT of freedom to pursue sexual activity at BS. In my opinion the most important thing is that your child knows their own mind and knows how to stand up for themselves.
Start these conversations now. You know your own kid! Is your kid the kid who would go with the flow and end up in a bad situation or the kid who sticks up and opts out? FYI. Public school kids are doing a bunch of stuff their parents don’t know about too.
