I don’t know what to do with my life any more. I don’t know where to go.
I started college in the spring of 2009 and enrolled for a BOS in Electrical Engineering Technology(EET). Since I started I could never really commit to school. Growing up I was ALWAYS a good student. Whether it was in elementary, middle school, and up until half way in high school I was a good student. I got good grades, I enjoyed learning, and I was even in AP honor classes at time. I still enjoy learning about anything science, engineering, or technology related.
After my first two semesters in college I found that it was hard for me to commit to going to class and putting forth the effort an time in my classes. consequently, I was placed on academic probation because I began dropping a lot of classes and then I was cut off of financial aid which meant I was no longer eligible for student loans. At the time I also had a bit of a drug problem which played a great deal in it.
After that I began to pay for my courses out of pocket and even then I was still dropping course to prevent them from hurting my GPA because I did not have much interest in them. I was taking two or three at a time and just wasting my money. In a way I have no idea why I did that.
I did that so much that my completion rate has dropped to 40%. I could literally be on the verge of graduating if I had not dropped so many courses. At the moment I have 48 credit hours out of 119 attempted. At times the shame is so much that I can not even bare to think about it. I am 78 credits shy of my EET degree.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I am 27 and If I continue taking 2 or 3 courses at a time I will be at least 30 before I graduate. Now that I realize the magnitude of my mistakes is when it all begins to sink in. I feel like I will be a loser if I never get a degree.
Also, in a way I feel as if me doing this was both a gift and a curse. I already have $9k in student loans that I am already starting to repay and it is much less than what it could have been. I am also unemployed at the moment and I am actively searching for a job
I don’t know what to do any more.
Get a couple jobs and pay off those loans.
Yes, look for a job or two and start knocking down the loans. Owing money means less freedom to choose, always.
Next, try to figure out if you really want a degree. Your brain keeps telling you yes, but your heart (effort and drive) seem to be saying no. You really have to have both the mindset and the desire to push through the hard work involved, especially since you aren’t independently wealthy and can’t keep signing up for classes and dropping them at the least little sign that you aren’t doing well. The GPA is of NO value if you don’t actually finish the degree, the degree is what is of value. You would have been further along taking a C in every single course than you are dropping at the first sign of not doing as well as you would like. But those choices are behind you now, try to move forward.
Sounds like you are at a “fish or cut bait” point in your life. Try to get a focus, even if it is working a couple jobs for a while. Stay off the drugs and figure out what you really want.
For what it is worth, my father always wanted a degree, but due to being from a large poor family in the 50s, he joined the military right out of high school, got married shortly thereafter and by the time he was 24 he had four kids. He worked on his degree during my entire childhood, one class at a time sometimes, when he could squeeze the time and also afford it. He earned his bachelor’s degree the same year I graduated from high school. It took him over 18 years total. Not everyone goes the four years right out of high school to a bachelor’s degree.
Getting a job is priority #1 no matter what.
A big part of my struggle is my drive. For example this past spring I took and passed with a B a class that I had taken twice before. In that class I remembered what I liked about EET. I remember what I fell in love with. It is still there but at times I can’t see it. I was a great student and I got to the point where the professor did not want to call on me anyone to answer questions.
I am glad to say I have been drug free going on 5 years now and I plan on staying that way.
I just feel lost at the moment.
You can work and earn money. You can also visit a state sponsored career center and do some guided career exploring to try to gain a more focused direction. Most states have some type of career agency.