Harakon, I predict that you are going to love college and are going to figure out how to navigate the LGBTQ and religious stuff.
I know in your head you think it’s a version of HS- except with more rules- but it’s not. You are going to have plenty of pathways to make your own way once you commit mentally and emotionally to making it work- at least for the first year.
So put the transferring stuff aside. The cold feet won’t help you jump into life in your new environment. If it’s unworkable, you’ll have plenty of time to thoughtfully think through transfer options. But in the meantime- come up with a plan to knock the cover off the ball academically, socially, politically, or in any other way you want.
So, you’re going to be okay.
At least in the near term, there won’t be a problem.
And if you find it really isn’t your cup of tea, that the LGBT situation is a problem and/or that some aspects of the religion bother you, you’ll transfer to a less religious college, a LAC, or a public university.
So, for now, focus on doing the absolute best you can - do talk with the college coach and, as suggested above, ask to be put in touch with LGBT students there. But focus on doing well. If you end up liking CUA you’ll be glad and if you need to transfer you’ll need the grades, recommendations, and club involvement.
BTW, in order to be well-prepared, read The Naked Roommate by Harlan Cohen. It’s funny and each problem is one freshmen may encounter.
Hey!
I talked with the college coach yesterday and I’m feeling a bit better now about everything, but still a bit nervous, but I suppose that is normal to feel
They said most colleges, even secular ones that provide birth control like rowan and stockton and such don’t really like to allow overnight stuff on campus and that at most colleges you’ll get in trouble for leaving things like a condom or marital aid out in the open instead of hidden discreetly because of the fact that roommates might feel uncomfortable, and that catholic is just a bit more up front about it than most others because they have to be, however most people in college just go off-campus to do things like overnight activities or drink anyway, which is the reason why there are usually a lot of bars and hotels nearby, plus saying that most students at catholic U aren’t extremely religious, and most didn’t really care about things like overnight stays anyway, so the rules are just more on paper because they have to be there than anything else… or at least I think/she thinks, but we’ll see I suppose
she also had a very flamboyantly gay student go there, and they apparently never had any problems there, and even took their until-then mute roommate to a gay bar to try and get their roommate to talk a little more in general, and it worked, and from what she’s heard from the people she sent there, most of the attendees don’t really care too much about people being a different sexual orientation, and those that do tend to just avoid and stick to their own circles, as well as catholic not being able to officially recognize clubs like CUAllies, but aside from that still allowing them to meet on campus, etc
They also said catholic would be a better fit for me than GMU because catholic is more academically focused with less parties/much less tolerant of harassment/bullying/intimidation etc, and people at more partying schools like GMU could get away with a lot more stuff that might not be so great, as compared to a place like catholic which has much less tolerance for HIB stuff, as well as catholic being a better fit for my major bc of things like internships at the Smithsonian
Not that she said GMU was a bad school, but she didn’t think it would be the right fit for me based on my more introverted personality/lack of real interest towards parties
She believes I’ll be pleasantly surprised at catholic, and I should give it a shot, so I suppose I’ll wait and see
I might be forgetting some things, but that was pretty much the gist of it
I also just asked her if she could put me in contact with the previous lgbt students she knew who went there, and she said she could ask, so I suppose I’ll wait and see there too
As an aside, my S who was a quiet, non-parting kid felt thay being at an urban college was a big plus as there are many things to do in the city that don’t involve drinking etc.
I also wanted to say thank you to everyone thus far for your encouragement, information and advice, it’s meant a lot to me and it’s helped me destress just a tiny bit over the past few days
When it comes to morality issues, there are things you can control, and there are things you can’t. The main question I like to ask myself is, how does this impact me? If you’re LGBTQ, for instance, and you would feel persecuted, then that’s probably a deal breaker. If you’re not LGBTQ, and it really doesn’t affect you, perhaps it’s just a matter of agreeing to disagree with a policy. And that’s OK. All people and organizations are that way to one degree or another. To me, it sounds like college jitters. Once you get settled in, you’ll probably find out things aren’t as bad as they seem.
For many people, the main question they ask is not “how does this impact me?” Many white, straight, cisgender people don’t want to be part of organizations that discriminate against or oppress certain groups, even if they themselves are not part of that group.
I do agree that it sounds like there is some nervousness happening that @Harakon would have experienced regardless of which college you had chosen. It also sounds like attending Catholic is your most viable option at this point, so I agree with going in and making the most of it.
Keep your eyes open, though, and trust your instincts. It sounds like the college coach was gaslighting you a bit. I don’t know about Rowan or Stockton specifically, but it isn’t true in my experience or in the experience of my children that people must go off campus to explore or have social lives. I attended a highly selective private institution and my kids attend larger public universities, and at all three you would have the freedom to be yourself on campus. I don’t know of any student anywhere that has gotten a hotel room off campus, as your coach insinuated. I also don’t like that the coach told you that the rules are only in paper and don’t matter. There seemed to be a lot of gaslighting going on in this discussion.
I am glad you are feeling encouraged, and I do think you can have a successful time at Catholic, regardless of whether you decide to stay or transfer. It’s very typical to have a lot of nerves and anxiety right now.
You seem like a thoughtful, compassionate kid, so please don’t let anyone make you think the rules don’t matter or aren’t representative because they can be ignored, or that policies aren’t relevant if they don’t affect you.
Yeah, I’m hoping what she said was true, as she says she has experience with the school through the diverse people she’s sent there but I’ll just have to go in and see…though I kind of wish sometimes I had decided to attend a secular school instead, one without a few extra morality rules like a ban on premarital sex/birth control, which feels kinda weird, even though that’s not why I’m going to college, if it does end up happening in the future, I would kinda prefer not to have to deal with that kind of rule at all. I’m also hoping the student body will be accepting, as I’m not quite sure what I am at this moment in time, but I don’t think I’m straight, though the feedback I’ve gotten from the unofficial lgbt organization about the people on campus has been a bit encouraging, as well as the fact there are things like the mosaic group therapy session there are also encouraging…though I still do wish the university was able to do things like officially recognize the cuallies organization, even though I know why they can’t.
Hey everyone, back again!
I did get to have a straightforward convo with my mom about potential transfers in the future if I ended up not liking the school after giving it a shot for a semester or two a couple days ago, and she’d be potentially open to it, which did make me feel a bit better…but still nervous bc she could randomly change her mind at any time if she gets too stressed or aggarvated like she’s done before after similar conversations and I could do nothing about it if she did, so even though it’s hard, I’ll try not to talk to her about it anymore unless something pops up while I’m there or unless she brings it up, and will tour gmu/american while I’m there, and keep a list of needed info for other schools I might be interested in, just in case.
I also reached out to the orientation team about my worries, and they said that because the university is backed by religion, certain subjects will be difficult to discuss in some environments and they do wish that wasn’t the case, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t hundreds of other students all creating their own safe spaces and sparking the right conversations, as well as saying from personal experience, they believe it’s who you surround yourself by (which is mostly anywhere you go) but there people tend to be a little more opinionated.
I’ll let you all know how it goes!
Yeah, you’re right ^^
I’m just very nervous I suppose
And I always like to know my options beforehand, which is why I tried to talk to my parent so much about it.
And remember: if it’s really uncomfortable, not in a “thought-provoking/I’m learning to defend my ideas” way but in an “I want to scream all the time” way, you can transfer.
GMU or AU will still be there in October and in the Spring. And you can always post here on CC from your account and ask where else you could apply&transfer, this Spring if need be. We’ll still be here to help.
And by that time you may well LOVE your college and wonder why you wanted to go elsewhere!
Btw, from experience, you’ll find less-typical-for-campus kids in Theater/Drama, Art, Foreign Language, and Film/Media. Make sure you have at least one class from these subjects in the Fall. (If you already have a schedule, it’s only tentative, you just meet with your adviser and change whatever you want - there should be 2 required classes, equivalent to English/Composition and Theology, and therefore 2 or 3 classes you can freely choose.
There is no Women’s studies or Gender Studies Major but there may be Gender studies courses, ask the people you’ve been in contact with.
Join all possible clubs related to these subjects (after going a couple times you’ll select the 3-4 you like best).
To make your life easier, refuse to engage on the topic of abortion - whatever you think of Roe v.Wade, Dobbs, the TX decision, etc, just say “I don’t want to talk about it.”
(Most students at CUA will be on a prolife spectrum and if you don’t want to be embroiled in a discussion that may be quite technical unless you’re part of the various prolife movements, just cut it short by saying you don’t want to talk about it. Switch the conversation to Taylor Swift or Bridgerton or whatever cute bunny video you’ve seen last. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary.)
Thank you! I’ll keep all that in mind as I head in. Four days left and I’m feeling very nervous rn, but we’ll see how it goes the first semester/most likely year.
friends soon 
You got this!