I’m a rising junior at a pretty good liberal arts college and I very much enjoy my classes and I love my professors but with each year, I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake.
I happen to go to one of the most expensive schools in the country and although I have pretty good scholarships and financial help, it keeps getting more and more expensive by the year and the financial stress is a huge burden for a liberal arts education investment. It doesn’t help that I don’t feel that sure about my chances for employment in two years. We all joke here on campus that we will all end up as intellectual baristas but that is a legitimate fear for me. Many kids here come from rich families and really don’t have to worry about employment after college after writing poetry and reading Foucault for four years but as a first gen student I know my mother has sacrificed a lot for my education and it would be an insult and maybe even a tragedy if I leave and end up jobless.
I’ve realized now that I want to work in the film and animation industry and have film work on me (most of it is admittedly not commercial but experimental and alternative) but I’ve realized that I want to build a visual arts/film portfolio that can help me secure higher chances of breaking into this industry or at least seeking employment. I take classes here and have had success but there’s a cap on arts credit and have to take a few semesters off of the arts, (focus on other subjects) but I want to continue building a portfolio and honing my talent. Thus, Im considering transferring.
I’m thinking about transferring to an arts school but worry if this is a good idea. Because of the style of education, it’s probably difficult to transfer credits, I’m also pretty behind on a fine arts education. I’ve also already finished two years and plan to transfer in Spring of my junior year so is it too late? My dream is Calarts or something of that nature but I’m worried it’s not possible or will just end up more expensive.
Like I said, I like my academics and my professors but also I don’t want to spend two more years bouncing around from women’s studies to history to poetry or to French – it’s great but I severely lack focus. To be honest, it’s also been difficult. I haven’t been happy here. I have little friends and the campus has always felt hostile. Most of my friends are severely depressed and the people here are cold and rude (I myself have become a ruder person). The cultural shock was rough too, it’s a mostly white and upper-class campus and I sometimes feel isolated or like I have to assimilate by pretending to be “cool” which is just so stupid.
Like I said, I’m having a crisis and don’t know if I should even bother leaving at this point or what… I’m leaving next semester on a study abroad and am excited because I can finally leave campus but I kind of feel like I’m just bouncing around with no focus. Sure, I pretend like I’m an intellectual but will I have a job/ or something concrete I’m passionate about in two years? will I finally feel like I grew up? I just feel like I’m wasting time and wasting my youth, I’m not even fully enjoying my college life. I’m lonely, broke and an emotional mess.
I appreciate any replies, they’re all much needed, thank you.