If I have a birthday party, how many people should I expect to come?

@austinmshauri A lot of people on here are saying a small party with a few close friends would be better. The problem with that for me is that I don’t really have any super close friends who I hang out with outside of school. As I mentioned in the OP I had Autism when I was younger. I only really have friends who I talk with in school a lot and text outside school. When I tried to think about which few friends I would invite to a close friends party, I couldn’t really pin down a few. When I thought of people who i’m Friends but not really close friends with, I came up with like 10-12. If someone is not super close with me but is invited to a party with just a few other people, they might feel uncomfortable going if they don’t really know me. On the other hand if it’s a bigger party with like 10-12 people, others might be more inclined to come because there would be others there. I mentioned that if I do have a bigger party, I would make sure the people I invited were friends with at least one other person there. On the other hand if it’s a big party, people might not feel as bad about declining. Knowing this what do you all think? Should I not have anything at all? Should I have a small party and just invite a few of my friends but not super close friends? Should I have a bigger party and just make do with whoever decides to come? On your point about the present, I could tell people they don’t have to bring one, unless you think that would seem wierd. I could imply it’s not necessary.

@bgbg4us 16 doesn’t seem like that few. I would certainly be happy with 16 people at my party. Then again that was for two people. I can’t speak for your daughter. I understand what you mean about how the “edgier” kids seem to get the most people at their parties. I do know of a couple people in my grade who had parties that were not the “ones to go to”, but still had a reasonable showing. For example, my friend who is on robotics team and fairly shy had a beach party in which 11 people came. Another friend of mine who doesn’t really have any close friends had an end of year party at a pizzeria. He invited 20 and 12-13 came. Those parties are what gave me the idea to have a birthday party. If I invite 20 people to my party and around 10 show I would be ok with that.

OP, the general consensus is that you should invite only a few people. I’m not sure what else we can tell you.

Why don’t you invite those 10-12 friends then? A small celebration and movie with those 10-12 friends, and even if only 7 or 8 show you can still catch a movie with them or something

@MaineLonghorn Right, I was just making a pint that a small party has some problems other people might not have been aware of. I welcome all advice. Just trying to make sure everyone know the full details.

@zombiekid I might do that, something else I considered doing is an escape room. There’s a pretty good chance at least some people will come. Like i’d Probably be satisfied if half came.

Actually that sounds pretty cool you should do that! Just make sure you know the maximum number the escape room company will allow

I was going to suggest doing something like an escape room (my idea was laser tag, but Idk if that’s still a thing - I’m a parent). Maybe pizza before of after? I hope you have a great turn-out.

But I will say to please not get upset if people flake out on you at the last minute. Both my daughters have had this happen to them several time, even their best friends have done it to them.

@LeastComplicated Yea I know I expect a fair amount of people won’t come even if they initially say they will. As long as somewhere between a third and half the people come it will still be fun.

Dissenting opinion here.

Do you have friends who are well versed in the ins and outs of your school’s social network? Tell them in advance the date you’re planning to have your party, and ask them if there’s any birthday parties, get-togethers held by popular people, or other student events (travel competitions, sports games, school dances, cotillions, et cetera) that are taking place on the same day. If the date of your party doesn’t conflict with another hot event, and you’re inviting people that you’re genuinely friends with, I don’t see the harm in inviting 10-15ish people - any more than that might be a bit much. To avoid the problem of not knowing how many people are coming to your party, send out real, paper invitations in the mail rather than using online evites or simply asking people face to face, and do it a good 3 weeks in advance. (That way you’re giving people a generous amount of time to RSVP, and a tangible invitation encourages people to give you a concrete response because a) it’s more formal and b) their parents will probably be the first ones to see the invitation). If anyone doesn’t respond, casually check up on them a week before via text message.

I’m by no means popular, but I do a lot of extracurricular activities and am on good terms with quite a few people. I’ve invited fifteen people to my birthday party every year since the third grade, and every year at least ten of them show up. High schoolers can be rude sometimes and that’s not your fault, but most people like being invited to things and like free food.

Hope you have an awesome party!

@chrysalism I have looked at the school calendar and made sure there are no school events on my potential party dates. I’m not yet sure about dates of other people’s parties. I have a few friends who might know about that. I can ask them.

DD’s parties have gotten smaller as she has gotten older. In elementary school most families invited the whole class, in middle school it was 8-10 at laser tag or an escape room. Over the summer there was a sleepover for four or five for a friend’s birthday. Last weekend it was a birthday party of three for a good friend of hers, lunch and a movie. She could pull that 8-10 together if she wanted, but she would be among few doing so these days.

Escape rooms are fun. Do you plan to pay everyone’s expenses? You would need firm commitments from people for the count, and that can be frustrating to get.

@intparent Maybe, it would certainly make people much more likely to come for sure. But yes the commitment might be hard to get. That is the one drawback of an escape room. Even if people want to come, they might not want to commit to it. That’s why if I pay, I might end up paying for some people who don’t come. If you’ve had an escape room party before, did you pay for everyone?

Well, I go with groups of adults. So we pay our own way. :slight_smile:

@Jason101200 I think the key here is to have low expectations so that you will be happy no matter what happens. Again High School kids are casual, fickle and distracted easily so things can go down that would not with adults. You have gotten a lot of good advice. I understand your problem because you are only text friends outside of school and not social friends going out, hanging out etc so it is hard to gauge how close you are with any given person. If you choose to invite 10-12 as you mentioned it could still end up being really small and you have to be ok with that. If you want a bigger turnout you can write “no gifts please” on your evite or invitation, or text “no gifts are necessary” as that takes the whole issue of gifts keeping them from coming. That would occur if they do not know what you like or if they are not close to you or if money is an issue for them. Another thing you can do is to focus on the relationships of the people you mentioned in OP. Say you invited Kylie, Maddie and Adam because they all know each other. You can say to Kylie, “I hope you can make it on X date to the party. You will definitely know Maddie and Adam.” That way they know they will already know people there

@readthetealeaves Yea i expect about half of the people invited will come. I’m ok with that. I would even be ok with less. I probably will say no gifts. That should boost turn-out as you said. I will make sure to mention to peopleI am inviting that they will have friends there. I might also create an elite to make sure people don’t forget about it.

What I used to do for parties is to contact my daugther’s 2 best friends and pick a date that works for them…then invite people and who ever comes comes.

Also if you choose a fun activity others may be more interested.
I woudl also suggest asking your guidance counselor how to approach this as they may have ideas specific to your school

@bopper That is more or less what I did. I asked my guidance counselor about school events and she said there were none. I have began asking people about good dates. It seems like from the people i’ve asked so far a decent amount would come if I had my party on October 13th.