If we could make the colleges write an essay, what would be the topics?

College Confidential Community
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I’ve been on a little rant elsewhere and I decided that maybe it’s time to have the colleges write an essay soliciting OUR business. What would be the topics? \

I’m thinking something like:

In 500 words or less, please provide an essay describing any of the following:

  1. What sets your school apart from many others in your general tier? Note that you should avoid general statements and wild ass claims and provide information that would sell YOU on the school, as if you were applying.
  2. What significant challenge has your school gone through recently and how has it made you more attractive to the entering freshman? If actual criminal charges were raised, please detail the allegations and dispositions.
  3. What schools do you wish you could be, and how are you working to become them?

I suspect there are many other desired topics out there.