<p>Okay, I just moved in to my dorm in John Jay two days ago. And I've spent some time with my roommate and I think she might be racist or have those kinds of views (you get what I'm saying) She made some comment about African-Americans that I won't specify because I don't want to offend anyone. We get along and she is nice enough to me but I don't really wish to associate with people like that. What should I do? Is it possible to just ignore her if we're living together? Tell me how. Please help!</p>
<p>She only made one comment about African-Americans? I'm not saying that's good or anything, but maybe it was just a one-time deal and she'll stop talking like that. If your conversations were just her spouting ethnic slurs, then maybe you can go ahead and determine that she has these deep-seated biases. But first assess the severity of the comment(s) and figure out if they really did have racist overtones or if you're just being overly-PC. If she continues to make them (even if you are just PC), you can just kindly let her know that you're uncomfortable with her prejudicial remarks, and reasonably she should understand (if she doesn't she's at entirely the wrong college and city).</p>
<p>i am very non-confrontational and the idea of bringing up something like that to anyone makes me verry nervous, i don't want to alienate her because then there would be tension.</p>
<p>Don't be confrontational, be honest. Say, "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way--that kind of remark makes me uncomfortable-what experiences have you had that led you to that conclusion?" Convey the message that you are interested in her and would like to be able to openly discuss topics about which you have different opinions--that's what college is for-learning how and why other people think as they do-start from the assumption that if she's at Columbia, she must have at least half a brain. But rest assured that at a place like Columbia, there'll be a lot more unprejudiced, non-racist types around than the opposite and in the long run you can always change roommates.</p>
<p>I think you're getting good advice here. She might actually be surprised that you're uncomfortable with what she said, and that other people might be uncomfortable with it, as well. She may come from a place where such comments are not seen as offensive and -- in the best of all possible worlds -- appreciate being clued in about how those kinds of "jokes" or remarks will be construed in her new surroundings. At the least, you will find out more about what she really thinks. Being the kind of person you describe yourself to be, you might wait to respond when she makes another, similar comment and then initiate the discussion. </p>
<p>Beyond that, be assured that your roommate does not have to be your close friend or even your friend, as long as you are considerate of each other. If she is not considerate enough to have this conversation with you, then you might ultimately have a problem, but it is far too early to tell. After you've given it a little more time, and you are not just reacting to early impressions, you might talk to your RA.</p>
<p>Everyone's comments are good. One additional angle to examine... This is a good opportunity for you to learn to deal with person like this. I don't think changing roommates is the solution, because you may find yourself in a situation somewhere down the line where you're actually forced to deal with the situation rather than marching down to URH to file a transfer form. You could have a co-worker (or even a boss) that you're stuck with and will be forced to deal with. If you're a non-confronting person, maybe ignoring it is the best way to go about it?</p>
<p>I 'm not sure the situations are equal, though. You don't go home to your boss or co-worker. If she does cease the comments, then learning to live with someone different is one thing, but if it becomes consistently vitriolic, I think that's a recipe for a truly awful year. If that's the case (and I hope it's not), then requesting a room transfer seems like a very sane thing to do.</p>
<p>It would help to know what the comment was so we can better assess the situation.</p>
<p>If you are offended by what she said, then tell her if she makes a comment like that again.</p>
<p>If you are not offended but don't want to be associated with her, then learn to live with her but you don't have to be friends with her or hang out. If you are not offended, then she is entitled to her views and opinions just like you are entitled to yours.</p>
<p>if you must know, it was about black people having too many babies and never being able to take care of them, as in being too poor. it may not sound blantantly racist but the tone was very overgeneralized and derogatory as if this were true for every African American in the world. and she said it mockingly.</p>
<p>A reply like this could start an interesting conversation.."well, that may be true for some but the history of racism and discriminatory policies in this country surely contributes to the vicious cycle of poverty from one generation to the next--the problems of poverty in 'the richest country in the world' need to be dealt with--as recent events have made all too clear. How do you think we should deal with it?" This way you appeal to her to respond intellectually instead of emotionally or with kneejerk catch phrases she may have picked up at home or in her neighborhood. If she becomes blatantly racist, then limit you investment of emotional energy in her --try to get along on the level of sharing common space and look for more congenial friends ( you could also make her a study object on the psychology of racism.)</p>