I'm incredibly lonely and not connecting with people

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Alabama
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<p>I’m a freshman living in RCS-North, and I’ve already had bad experiences with some people. I’ve lost several friends because they end up treating me badly when they find out that I’m liberal, I don’t really believe in God, and I don’t like the same music as they do. I’m signed up with several campus organizations, trying the whole religion thing by going to church, and living a healthy lifestyle. I seem happy to everyone, but I have periods where I really hate going here and I want to leave- Not to mention, living in a suite-style dorm is EXTREMELY lonely and feels like you are isolated from the world. I’m not Greek, and I certainly don’t want to be. I just feel like I’m not connecting with anyone on campus, and ever since I came home from Fall Break, I’ve been having meltdowns and have missed home more than ever. I don’t really like Tuscaloosa, either, but I’ve been managing and it doesn’t seem to be a problem.</p>

<p>I’m from the South, and that allows me to relate to a lot of people to some degree, but that’s about it. I’ve also met a ton of very nice people, but it never sticks. They don’t follow up with anything, I always keep going back to the same group of friends, and I’m starting to get sick of it. As a result of being so lonely and depressed, my grades have been slipping and I’ve been extremely hard on myself about my lack of achievement in my classes. I have been trying very hard in most of my classes and have studied for every test, but I’m not getting the grades I want. On top of that, I’m pre-law and want to apply for law school in the future. I feel like a complete failure.</p>

<p>Why do I feel like I made the wrong decision? Before I starting going to Bama, I was so sure in my college choice and felt like it was the best place for me. Now, because I’m “different”, I’m treated like complete garbage. Maybe I’m being a little too overdramatic, but it’s getting to me. I’ve looked into Mallet Assembly and I’m incredibly interested in joining. It’s just a wonderful, kind group of people (not to mention that most of them are Liberal), and I feel like I would relate to them. The only problem is- I don’t think my mom really supports me in my decision, and it makes me not want to join in an effort to please her. I’m also a little intimidated by them, but when I asked for a tour, they were open to me coming in and experiencing what Mallet is like. They all hang out together and are tightly-knit. They also do fun things together, like watching movies and playing card games. They just seem like the right group for me, but at the same time, my mom doesn’t really want me living there with them next year. I’m so desperate about branching out that I’m willing to give up having a clean bathroom and a room to myself in order to be with these people. What should I do? I’m MISERABLE here.</p>

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<p>Check your PM’s.</p>

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<p>Check your PM’s. x2</p>

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<p>That’s a tough situation grammargirl94. Have you tried talking to your Mom about it? I’m probably as old as your Mom and I can tell you that you need to please yourself and be happy. If you don’t, you’re only cheating yourself. Plus I think your Mom only wants you to be happy - that’s really all any parent wants for their child. It really is the most important thing…everything else will follow. There are people out there that you fit with, you just haven’t found them yet. Or have you? Hang in there, it’ll get better! Good luck!</p>

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<p>I think you should definitely put some heavy consideration into joining Mallet! I myself am a freshman who joined over the summer and I love it. The people are great (not anywhere near as creepy as is the stereotype) and the general environment is fun and welcoming and in general just comforting. They certainly don’t come off as parent-friendly but so many of them are great people. Plus college, so parents should perhaps sometimes take a backseat in the decision making.</p>

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<p>Thanks, y’all, so much for everything. It helped immensely. I got the PMs from everyone and I tried to reply, but my iPhone won’t let me. I’ll definitely respond when I get on my laptop when I wake up… I’m definitely going to seriously consider Mallet and probably apply. Also, SEA_tide and XXjcatmufasaXX, if y’all don’t mind, can I PM y’all with questions about Mallet? I’m still pretty curious and I just want to put my foot in the door before I blindly apply. I really want to make sure that I’m going to connect with them (even though I’m sure I will). I’m actually writing an English paper on Mallet right now (the prompt is subculture), and trust me, I don’t see mallet as creepy at all. I let my mom know that they aren’t very parent-friendly people, but that she’s going to have to get over it because I want to be around people like that. I’m so tired of these cookie-cutter model people that are great to introduce to your parents- I want some genuine people. I went to a private school, so I’ve definitely had my share of perfect, upstanding people and I honestly don’t like them. I also feel like they are the only people I meet around here. Anyways, I’ll leave my rant so I don’t blow up the thread, but thank you all again!</p>

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<p>*I’ve looked into Mallet Assembly and I’m incredibly interested in joining. It’s just a wonderful, kind group of people (not to mention that most of them are Liberal), and I feel like I would relate to them. The only problem is- I don’t think my mom really supports me in my decision, and it makes me not want to join in an effort to please her. I’m also a little intimidated by them, but when I asked for a tour, they were open to me coming in and experiencing what Mallet is like. They all hang out together and are tightly-knit. They also do fun things together, like watching movies and playing card games. They just seem like the right group for me, but at the same time, my mom doesn’t really want me living there with them next year. *</p>

<p>For now, get things going with Mallet. As for living with them next year, adopt a “wait and see” approach and maybe your mom will change her mind once she sees how it works out for you. It would be nearly a year before you moved in there (if you did), so in the meantime, make friends with these folks!!! </p>

<p>Surely your mom would rather you find “your peeps” and stay in school, right? That’s the approach to take with her. After all, what would she rather you do, drop out?? </p>

<p>(have your mom PM me…I know that she has in the past. :slight_smile: )</p>

<p>Anyway, also look into the other liberal-minded clubs…the College Democrats, Green Party, and similar. </p>

<p>Also, look into the Community Service clubs and projects. </p>

<p>What is your major?</p>

<p>Keep in mind that this is a political season, so people may be spouting off stuff more than usual. 4 years ago, Bama was Obama Country, but because he’s less popular this year, the “tide” probably has changed this election season. In a couple of months, much of any political stuff will die down…people are just ultra sensitive during Pres Election seasons.</p>

<p>{{{ hugs }}}</p>

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<p>I’m definitely going to try to be more involved with Mallet. I’ll tell her to PM you, because she seems to think that I’m making a flighty decision, although I’ve been looking at Mallet for about a month now and I’ve started to seriously consider joining. I’m in the UA Dems, but I haven’t been able to make it to any meetings yet, but I’m going to start going.
As for my major- right now, I’m double-majoring in English and Philosophy on the Pre-Law track, but I honestly don’t like law all that much (Mom pressed it). I talked to her about changing it to something I think is more interesting; The thing is, though- I love English. I’m really passionate about literature. I just don’t know what else to apply to it other than law (and I DO NOT want to be a teacher!). I’m still trying to figure out what I actually want to do, but she thinks it’s too early in the game for me to be thinking about this. I don’t think so.
Yes, it is political season, but in my English 103 class, we were proofreading papers about our subcultures and all of a sudden, this guy in my class yelled, “I freaking HATE Liberals! They’re crazy and stupid freaks!” I made the mistake of telling him that I am, in fact, a Liberal, and I was given crazy looks by my other classmates. I’m honestly just sick of it.</p>

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<p>Azalea, I’d like to think that those looks by your classmates weren’t ‘crazy’ but were rather looks of admiration for someone who stood up for not only herself* but also for anyone else in the class that might have fallen into that completely unfair generalization!</p>

<p>*I’m thinking you are female but I’m not sure that has been stated. So if I am incorrect, I apologize!</p>

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<p>You’re definitely not alone. </p>

<p>My S is very liberal and proclaimed that he is an atheist long ago. We’re from a very small, rural, midwestern community and through high school he often felt judged by his peers, especially about religion.</p>

<p>When he decided to head to Bama, I told him to expect the people there to be very ideologically like the kids he went to high school with. We discussed activities he could participate in that would help him meet people who were more like minded.</p>

<p>2 of his suite mates were pledging this year and the third was already planning on pledging next year, he went to some parties with them, but didn’t fit in with that crowd.</p>

<p>I encouraged him to go to one of the ABXY gaming meetings. He did, but I’m not sure if he’s been back again.</p>

<p>He did become a member of the Atheists and Agnostics group, but I don’t think he’s been able to go to any of their meetings yet. And he’s also mentioned joining the Democrats group.</p>

<p>You mentioned meeting a ton of nice people, but it never sticks. I know my son has trouble initiating things with others. He’ll do anything if invited, but he hates being the one to invite others, on some level he feels like they have better things to do and that he’s just an annoyance. My repeated advice to him is that many of them are also sitting doing nothing and would love to have someone ask them to do something. Have you taken the initiative to ask any of the ton of nice people you’ve met to do something…to go to a campus activity? to have lunch/dinner? to go to a movie? If you take the initiative to ask, you might find that they’ve been in the same situation as you. If you ask once and they turn you down, that doesn’t mean they aren’t interested…it could just mean they have something else planned or that they have homework. Make sure to give them a second chance.</p>

<p>It’s difficult if you and your mom don’t see eye-to-eye, but college is the time for you to find yourself and your interests and your path forward as an adult. The choices you make now, will have a big impact on your adult life. I hate to see anyone in a major they don’t like (and from what I’ve read the supply of lawyers is greater than demand lately and many new grads are struggling to find jobs), but English has it’s own challenges. My son’s dad was an English major and has spent his entire career working in IT. I had a close friend in college who got an English degree and wanted to work for a publisher. When he couldn’t find a job, he began his career working in the customer service department of a cable company. If your love is English, then I’d think how to translate that into a career…are you interested in doing PR, have you considered technical writing, have you considered pairing it with a minor that is more career oriented such as business. If you find the path you want to follow and think that it will be difficult for your mom to understand, come prepared with lots of research. Talk to her about careers you can pursue, talk to her about the average income and average employment statistics in the field, talk to her about how excited you are about the classes you get to take.</p>

<p>I don’t know much about Mallet and it may be a good fit for you, but if it’s not there are other organizations with like-minded students. Believe it or not there are plenty of other students on campus who share your ideologies.</p>

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<p>My son sounds very similar to you except that we are from VA vs AL- but very liberal and not a group thinker. I thought Mallet sounded like something he would enjoy (especially when our Honors college student ambassador described it and you could tell she was trying to avoid using the term “hippie”)- but I know the housing is not one he would enjoy (at least not now, maybe as a sophomore- who knows). But at any rate, my question is can you join Mallet and still live in the Honors housing?</p>

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<p>People who think one party or ideology is the problem really annoy me, so I can relate. The irony is that when I lived in Mallet, it was hyper neo-con! So be grateful that it has become more “liberal.” If I was you, I would check out all of the alternative political groups. Surely you don’t have problem finding Obama supporters right? I sense you are a political outlier, which can be very painful. It is not easy when one feels politically isolated, especially in a presidential campaign year. I know that the atheists have a campus group. They even had a conference recently, and it looks well attended. Be grateful for the friends that you have and be open to everyone. Don’t be afraid to be kind to a “conservative.” You might influence that person more than you know. I hope this helps.</p>

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<p>Atlanta, it really annoys me too! I’m very understanding and respectful of other opinions, but I’m not getting that back.
I haven’t met a single Obama supporter.
Also, it’s funny you mentioned conservatives. Most of my friends are conservative! I’ve lost one friend (so far) that is conservative because he would call me stupid for my own political opinions, and he has NO respect for people who live alternative lifestyles (like homosexuals)- and I am not about to put up with that. He even goes so far as to be hostile towards them. I’m not going to identify myself with people like that.
As for identifying Mallet Assembly as a group of “hippies”- they really aren’t. People are scared of them because they don’t know much about them, and therefore have skewed perceptions of who they are. You really just have to experience it for yourself to see who they are! It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
I would like to join the Atheists and Agnostics group, but I’m actually trying very hard to believe in God. I’m attending a church (every so-often) and it’s okay. It’s not really my thing and I would fit in better with the Atheist group. I feel like I should attend a church and believe in God only for my family, but it’s unfair for me. I can’t relate to them and I feel out of place among them. We’ll see how it goes.</p>

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<p>I am somewhat of a liberal and it hasn’t really been a problem so far. I just don’t really bring it up or talk to most kids about my political/religious beliefs because it always seems to lead to confrontations and arguments.</p>

<p>As for Mallet, my friend said the ones who sit outside on the steps barked at her once when she walked by Palmer Hall??</p>

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<p>Again, I think presidential political seasons are very touchy on campuses…this will die down in a month or so. </p>

<p>As for Obama supporters…I think obama supporters may be “laying low” this year because he’s not doing well. Believe me, 4 years ago, it was like Obama Land on campus. 4 years ago, the liberals felt more empowered on campuses because “their guy” was super popular. Now, things have turned around a bit and they may be “laying low”…and the conservatives now feel more empowered to be more vocal. These things go round and round…</p>

<p>There are Obama supporters here on the Bama CC board…I won’t “name names” because if they want to reveal their political leanings on the internet, that is for them to do.</p>

<p>Find out when the College Dems meet and GO!!! Or the Green Party…or whatever!</p>

<p>I wouldn’t write the following except you seem to have a desire to believe in God. If YOU want, I can probably help you with this. Explaining the true logic behind the belief that God exists isn’t that difficult. The existence of an Uncaused Cause / First Cause is logical and doesn’t require “magical thinking” nor blind faith. As someone who worked for AOL on their Faith Boards for a long time, it’s not hard for me to help you with this.</p>

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<p>I don’t bring it up in front of people unless they ask (which, in my opinion, is pretty inappropriate to ask about someone’s religion). When they find out what my beliefs are, they literally freak out.
As for Mallet, they’re all incredibly different. You can’t really judge the whole group based on the way those few people acted. Some are rude, but most of them are very nice. There’s really not a stereotype for Mallet, and there’s going to be rude people everywhere you go. People don’t really have anything else to base their opinions of Mallet on rather than the people that sit outside.
Mom2collegekids, thank you. You helped me better understand that there are actually people like me out there, but they aren’t very vocal about it. I’m not really one to be vocal about my opinions, either, and I keep that kind of stuff private. It’s just that the “ice-breaker” question these days seems to be what your political standing is, and then you are judged based on the stereotype of that party.
Also, what’s Green Party?
Thanks for your offer. I’ll probably take you up on that. It’s just that right now, I don’t want anything to do with religion. I don’t feel like myself whenever I go to church and things like that. It breaks my heart, but I don’t think I’ll ever fully be a christian. I’ll probably ask for your help in the near future, though.</p>

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<p>If you’re looking for Obama supporters, try here: [UA</a> College Democrats | We welcome everyone to take part in the UA College Democrats. As an inclusive organization, we seek to empower the voice of every individual.](<a href=“http://uacollegedemocrats.org/]UA”>http://uacollegedemocrats.org/)</p>

<p>My son is a junior at UA, supports Obama, and isn’t afraid to say so. In fact, he and the POTUS went to the same high school. More importantly, his political views haven’t been a deal breaker in friendships at UA. Some of his best friends are Republicans.</p>

<p>Hang in there and keep trying. Your peeps are out there. You’re panning for gold and that takes time.</p>

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<p>Green party</p>

<p>The Green Party of the United States of America emphasizes environmentalism, non-hierarchical participatory democracy, social justice, respect for diversity, peace and nonviolence. Their “Ten Key Values,”[1] which are described as non-authoritative guiding principles, are as follows:
Grassroots democracy
Social justice and equal opportunity
Ecological wisdom
Nonviolence
Decentralization
Community-based economics
Feminism and gender equality
Respect for diversity
Personal and global responsibility
Future focus and sustainability
The Green Party does not accept donations from corporations. Thus, the party’s platforms and rhetoric critique any corporate influence and control over government, media, and American society at large.</p>

<p>As for contacting me later…totally fine…I’ll be here…just PM me whenever you feel like it.</p>

<p>:)</p>

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<p>Major in what you have a passion for and stay open for opportunities, there are so many ways to use your talents. Friends daughter, philosophy and english majors, just got a good job with a company (whose environmental philosophies she supports) working in their promotional, informational division. She had several opportunities. Philosophy (that ‘why? that will not get you anything’ major) turned out to be helpful, she can see things from different perspectives.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Azalea: When people ask what your political view or religious views are, you can politely say; " I really don’t discuss my beliefs on politics or religion." and then change the topic of conversation. You are not obligated to discuss topics you are not comfortable with. If however, you like open discussion on those subjects and feel able to holding your own, feel free to speak out. Who knows, you might change someone else’s opinion, or at the very least give them something to think about. However, if you take that position, you need to be able to have a thick skin, since you may hear things you don’t like.</p>

<p>About Mallet: Isn’t Palmer Hall scheduled for demolition?? </p>

<p>If you can understand that Malleteers are each different, as you said “some are rude, but most are very nice”, can you not understand the same about the other students you have met? </p>

<p>Before I say this, I want you to understand that I want you to be happy and comfortable in your college choice and that I also feel that your beliefs are very personal. However, sometimes the person who feels like the outsider in a situation might be the one who needs to try and be more open and accepting. Are you willing to accept that someone else’s opposing beliefs are as valid as your own?</p>

<p>There are many groups that were recommended to you to find like minded individuals but college (and life) offers many growth opportunities. Looking at each day as an interesting learning experience might allow you to feel free to explore those differences.</p>

<p>Again. All of this is just food for thought. Making friends is easier for some people than for others but like any relationship it does take some work. There is a “sticky” at the top of the forum that has great advice about helping a student find his footing at UA. I would suggest reading that thread.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>