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<p>Agreed that this does seem limiting. However, I think there’s a big difference between this advice:
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<p>and this:
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<p>Finding a diverse group of friends or activities should be possible at any school. I like the idea of a student having the initial security net of knowing that there are other like-minded individuals around, but stretching to go out to meet others.</p>
<p>A student’s “fit” is a parent’s “pampered”. It’s all in the perspective. Daddy, X sure feels a lot like a country club, won’t you buy it for me?</p>
<p>DunninLA, you were secretly thinking about Caltech, right? ;)</p>
<p>I think fit is very important. IMO it’s okay for a student to want to attend to college with people just like them.
I want to attend a college where people are ambitious but not overly intellectual and where there is a sizable Greek/drinking/hook-up scene. Going to UChicago because it will offer a “different” experience by not fitting those criteria sounds like a terrible idea to me, while attending BC, UNC, and Duke with students of similar interests sounds fantastic. JMO.</p>
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There’s a difference between wanting to go to school with people like you, and wanting to go to school with *only *people like you.</p>
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<p>Massgirl - I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a prospective student on CC acknowledge that! I have no doubt that there are many who think it, but I think you may be the first to come right out and say it. </p>
<p>Well . . . OK, I guess that’d have to come under the heading of “You want to choose schools that offer particular academic or extracurricular interests that you’re wanting to pursue? - of course.” :)</p>
<p>@ Gadad, I totally agree!
I’ve come across (very) few posters who came right out and said it, and MANY posters who’ve made comments along the lines of, “YOU’RE GOING TO COLLEGE FOR THE WRONG REASONS!”. I just laugh at the latter. I want to receive a good education and interact with individuals about intellectual matters. I care about politics, current events, etc. But I want to attend a school where, on Friday and Saturday nights, kids care about little more than throwing down mad hard. On CC kids might say things like, “Umm…shouldn’t you be focusing on the ACADEMICS? Perhaps on class sizes or research opportunities?” And the answer is, “Of course.” But it’s also okay to look for other qualities, even if they’re superficial, in a college. Let’s face it outside of CC a high percentage of people want to spend their weekends obliterated and/or lit…</p>
<p>Mssgirl, while I admire your candor, I think you ought to be careful of the things you say on the internet. People on this board have a way of figuring out who people are, and nothing you say on here is actually just between you and Gadad. fwiw</p>
<p>GADad, I think I know what you are saying, but I know of one kid (a friend of niece) who went to women’s college in MA, & had to transfer. She was straight, a registered Republican & a Yankees fan & guess what, she felt that she did not fit there! Was very uncomfortable & so she transferred. In this case, she might have been better off going to a school where a Conservative, Republican, straight female would have fit in. </p>
<p>So in a way, going to a school where there are a lot of kids like yourself, is a good thing.</p>
<p>I’m going to post my comment on another thread on the topic of fit:
The kind of fit I don’t like is the variety that convinces students that they could only be happy at one or two schools.</p>
<p>As far as gadad’s argument, I somewhat disagree. Every high school senior has a different story. If a student knows based on personal experience that they prefer a certain atmosphere or social niche, I don’t see any reason for them to consciously choose a college that is completely different. If you have had very good experiences taking Advil, in the absence of some very compelling issue - price, new research, doctor’s advice, etc. - I don’t think you should switch to Tylenol just to see what happens. When you consider the commitment required by choosing a college, this effect is simply magnified.</p>
<p>EDIT: With that said, I agree with post #25. And, really, there aren’t that many schools that are truly homogeneous.</p>
<p>I personally never felt like I “fit” in high school so I was looking for a place where I wasn’t pigeon-holed as a “nerd”. I knew I wasn’t a nerd, but kids in high school stereotype big-time. Don’t underestimate the social immaturity of even the most together high school senior. My self-esteem at that time was all tied up in my inability to fit in with the “cool” crowd. I was always on the fringes. Peer group is very important at that age and finding others like you is important. I was able to go off to college and become part of the social crowd only because I was released from my grade differential by going to a school where everyone had made good grades in high school. That was enough growth for me at that time in my life. Any more and I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on my studies at all.</p>
<p>For a lot of kids, being surrounded by people like them IS something “different.” They’ve spent their entire lives feeling alienated by those around them–unquestioning acceptance and understanding is the thing that is radically new.</p>
<p>This is the kind of discussion that makes CC so valuable! I think fit is important, especially on small rural campuses - but even more important is that students and their parents think through what ‘fit’ means to the particular student involved. Everyone has their own back story and needs, so it’s great to see all the perspectives represented here.</p>
<p>Very good post, M’s Mom! :)</p>
<p>I agree that college is a very good time to stretch yourself - try a different part of the country, make different types of friends, and try new things.</p>
<p>I don’t object to the idea of “fit” as commonly used on CC so much as I think it’s not all that necessary. Except for a few very fragile students with special needs, I think nearly all students can “fit” and flourish in a wide variety of schools and environments. Most college kids are young enough, flexibile enough, and resilient enough, and most colleges are large and varied enough that nearly all of kids can be successful and find a niche in which they “fit.”</p>
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<p>I agree entirely. I think there’s a problem when kids start saying, “I HAVE to attend one of these two schools or else I will be miserable. They are the perfect schools for me.” I think most of us can be happy at a wide variety of colleges.</p>
<p>However, we should avoid the wrong fit–that is, schools at which we know we will be miserable. The party-hard kid at UChicago, for instance, or the straight, hard-line conservative at Smith.</p>
<p>IMO the transition to college is often challenging enough without students having to immerse themselves in an alien, unfamiliar, and potentially unwelcoming environment. To me, a large part of fit is determining: How much do I want to stretch myself? Do I adapt well to new environments and seek adventure? Or am I person who deals poorly with change?</p>
<p>The kid excited to seek new experiences might wish to go to a very diverse, heterogeneous, or possibly even radically different school. The kid who hated sleep-away camp, whose worst nightmare was moving, and who preferred the “white” diet as a kid might be better off attending a school at which he knows he will be accepted into the mainstream because it is a very similar culture to the one he is from. I think either of these approaches is fine. This issue is something worth thinking about. As long as you’re not going to Bob Jones U, you’ll be excused to people different from yourself.</p>
<p>All the colleges on your list should fit your criteria insofar as what you want their cultures to be like. I don’t see why you’d apply to a school you wouldn’t want to go to. After you’ve got that list, I think you should realize you’ll likely be happy and adjust fine at ANY school on that list. There is no one optimal school for you.</p>
<p>Great point, OP. </p>
<p>My older D, a junior in college, was recently laughing at this notion of fit, which her younger sister takes seriously. Younger D, a HS senior, has toured many schools and given it a lot of thought. Older D decided early on that one particular school was what she wanted, and she applied early and that was that. I worried that it wouldn’t be the right fit, and indeed, it was hard for her freshman year-- she did not fit in with her dorm floor of party girls, and she spent that first year pretty much tied to her high school friends.</p>
<p>But recently she said, “I never worried about ‘fit’-- I just figured it would work out.” She tried on various clubs and eventually found her people and is now very happy. She thinks her sister’s quest for the “perfect” school is a little silly-- that at all but the tiniest and most eccentric colleges, most kids can find a community no matter who they are. </p>
<p>And my younger D says her quest for fit is not so much finding a place where everyone is like her-- in fact, she wrote her essay about wanting to be exposed to points of view different from the “liberal bubble” she was raised in-- but where the kids seem friendly and open, the campus looks like a traditional liberal-arts quad-centered school, and the education is personal and quality. That said, I know she was happier when she saw girls who dress like her and boys who looked cute but “normal.” We can’t help but want to be with people like ourselves.</p>