im playing the college game. and i feel empty and evil.

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

<p>i feel weird. i feel empty, and i feel evil.</p>

<p>you know why?</p>

<p>because i'm playing the college game.</p>

<p>Yeah, everything i do is for college. people look at me and think i'm pursuing my passions, but i hate everything i do.</p>

<p>everything i do is college-driven.</p>

<p>speech team? i don't know why i do it. i might as well drop it since I didn't do it my freshman year. i will have only done it for three years. and you know what? i don't win jack. i get 5th place and i get honorable mention. it means nothing to me.</p>

<p>soccer? i only do it cuz im good at it and because ill be elected soccer varsity captain my senior year (which i am). but i hate it, and i hate all my teammates. but no one knows. and i keep doing it every year since colleges want consistency. </p>

<p>drama club? i suck at it. everyone talks behind my back about how i shouldn't be playing the roles that i'm playing cuz im so bad. i dont get any lead roles. rehearsal is torturous cuz i don't like it. but i keep doing it every year because colleges want consistency.</p>

<p>i don't even care about the homeless men in tattered clothing who comes to the homeless shelter. in fact, I'm revolted by them. they are disgusting. i just put on a fake smile so that i can get a good recommendation by the head of the homeless shelter in case i need it to apply for some program or something.</p>

<p>but you know what? in the end, it doesn't even matter. cuz colleges don't even know that im not passionate about all the things i do. if i do it for all four years, it'll look like im passionate about them. and im starting to get paranoid because what if the colleges figure out that i'm not really passionate about what i do? cuz i don't win anything. speech team, i win the small stuff. theater, i get the small roles. but i just keep on doing them, year after year.</p>

<p>and this guilt is eating away at me. im not what everyone thinks i am. but i can't stop now, because i'm playing the college game, and i don't want to lose.</p>

<p>should i be feeling this way? am i the only one who is playing the "college game?" come on. admit it if you are. this whole thing is just eating my conscience. im just sitting here, doing stuff that i don't want to do just so that good colleges will accept me. tell me someone else out there is doing the same thing as me. tell me im not as evil as i feel.</p>

2

<p>thats some deep stuff im not even gonna mess with</p>

3

<p>Then stop doing it, if you feel so bad about it. But so what if you don't have passion for what you do. You think the homeless shelter really cares that much whether you're helping because of passion or because of college? They're happy to get the help, either way. The modern capitalist economy is built on the concept that selfish desires propel the entire system. It doesn't matter why you're motivated, merely that you're doing something, because the effect is more important than the why. The world isn't run by desires of altruism, but by desires for tangible payback. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure, playing the college game might be a bit shameful in principle, but I don't think anybody would argue that it's better to not help rather than help, regardless of the reason. </p>

<p>Think about it, would you rather feel guilty about doing something, or feel guilty about doing nothing? </p>

<p>Then again, I relied on my academics and test scores to get into my college, as I've done squat outside of school, so I'm not the most qualified person to answer the question.</p>

4

<p>well, a lot of ppl play this "game" ur talking about. its just doing things that will look good on ur college application. i think ur blowing it a little out of proportion here. and who cares if u hate it. all that matters is that the college thinks it looks good. lol its not evil. its using ur brain. </p>

<p>but dont get me wrong. if u really really hate it. then just dont do it. weigh every sinereo in ur head and play out the pros and cons. and what would u rather have? a good college education as a foundation for the rest of ur life, or none at all cuz u feel guilty. decide for urself.</p>

5

<p>woah. how did i post in here? i thought this was the college life forum...weird....</p>

6

<p>Welcome to the game.</p>

<p>Funny thing is if you win it, it doesn't mean jack. Sure you go to a good school and have a degree from there, but in the end is making it to Harvard going to get you that much farther in life.</p>

<p>Everyone plays the game and quite frankly its a *****, I do whats passionate for me and then it screws me over because I don't everything.</p>

<p>We can all talk about balance and yadayadayada, but that aint ever gonna happen. The system is the system the game is the game, just get through it than try to reclaim some of your life. There seems to be 2 opposites, those who give a shiite and those who don't. With something so black and white it seems a waste trying to be grey ppl just don't appreciate it.</p>

<p>Also you guiltiness is unnecessary, its a ****ing game now. You hit it right on the button, everyone does it. Not like your some one kid who doesn't find pleasure in everything. YOur going with the flow, no need to be a salmon.</p>

<p>Bottom Line: just stick with it, you say your in your junior year? So just go strong for half of senior year than just ride it out like a roller coaster.</p>

<p>I dont like people like you, but that makes me Emo. Everyone does something they don't like to please others.</p>

7

<p>I am also playing the "college game" I am gonna be taking summer courses at the community college and therefore giving up the drama program that I love to do during the summer (I've done it for the past two summers), I'm sticking with ballet despite it taking up way too much time and me not ever becoming a ballerina because colleges like consistency, I am freakin studying workbooks for the PSAT, I just get so friggin sick of it all. I completely empathize with you parkrunner. Some days I just wanna rip all my textbooks and binders and ballet clothes and workbooks apart, scream for a bit, and just go to sleep and try to forget about it all. But everyday I still get up I still do the crap they call learning, I still go to ballet class, and I still work in my PSAT workbook.</p>

8

<p>I just finished playing. :) I'm currently a second-semester senior. It's fantastic.</p>

<p>I stopped volunteering at a hospital. I stopped taking community college courses. I stopped going to school clubs. And I'm happy b/c I'm getting accepted to colleges that I want to go to.</p>

<p>Everyone plays the "college game". Well, everyone that cares anyway. It's what gets us ahead in life. You suck it up and do the job. If I were to really do what I was passionate about, I'd probably be living in a box in 10 years. But don't worry, it's already your junior year. You just need to wait it out until your second semester senior year, and everything will be peachy. </p>

<p>Everything (good) comes with a price. This game is the price.</p>

9

<p>Probably one of the ingenious things that universities have done for America is forcing high school students to volunteer and contribute to their communities...whether they like it or not XD</p>

10

<p>It's kind of like the some subjects in school. You don't like to do them, but you're forced to do them. Also although you may not like them now they will be helpful later. Kind of same thing. You might or might not like your EC's, but it's good to do them</p>

11

<p>So why don't you just stop?</p>

12

<p>You feel wierd and empty because you're insisting on playing a game instead of living your life by following your passions and interests. By playing a game instead of following your own interests, you also are not likely to get into the colleges that you're aspiring to nor are you likely to be happy or fulfilled.</p>

<p>News flash: The people who play the college game end up losing the game and at life. Creating a false personality doesn't get one anything except unhappiness.</p>

<p>The way to live your life is to pour your heart and soul into discovering and pursuing your own interests and talents, and then take the time to find out colleges and other options that match your interests and talents.</p>

<p>I am an alum interviewer for Harvard. I did not do things in high school in order to get into Harvard. I followed my interests including things that other people thought were boring or even might turn off colleges and future employers. When I was a junior, based on what I'd done, my GC suggested that I apply to Harvard and similar schools because the person whom I was seemed to match the kind of student whom they were looking for.</p>

<p>The idea is to become the best you that you can be by being your interesting, unique self. Then find a college that fits you -- where you can be happy while continuing to develop your talents and interests. Afterward, match your interests to a graduate or professional school and/or career.</p>

<p>I have interviewed a lot of students for Harvard. I have never seen any student get in who appeared to have done things to please Harvard. Trust me: An interviewer can tell when students have done things like that because the students speak of their activities as a laundry list with little interest or enthusiasm.</p>

<p>Students, however, who pursue things out of their own interests talk of them with enthusiasm. Even if those activities are things that I personally am not drawn to, I get caught up in the students' passion about what they did. It's obvious that the students were following their own gut interests, not trying to impress Harvard and not doing things because their parents made them.</p>

<p>I also have never seen anyone get into a place like Harvard who appeared to be doing activities and taking classes just to please Harvard. The proof of this is the vibrancy of Harvard's campus. There are hundreds of student-run activities. Students get no course credit for their ECs, and usually students get no remuneration. Typically, students spend lots of time doing ECs that are hobbies, things they do strictly for fun, not to impress grad schools or future employers. After graduation, they continue to pursue with passion hobbies, community service, etc. because that's the type of people whom they are. They were never faking interest in these things. They are passionate about such things.</p>

<p>Frankly, most people aren't wired like this, and there are plenty of colleges, including excellent ones, for people who have different personalities. One doesn't need to go to HPY to become a success in one's profession and to have a happy life. Also, going to HPY doesn't guranatee professional success or happiness.</p>

<p>P.S. To the people who are giving up beloved ECs to participate in summer and other activities that you have little interest in: You are making a big mistake. You'd be much more likely to get into places like HPY if you spend your summers doing productive things that you enjoy. (In other words, if dance is your passion, go for it instead of taking academic classes that don't interest you. Of course, if smoking dope and watching TV are your passions, then those won't get you into a top college.)</p>

13

<p>Sounds like a little therapy would go a long way. And that's not an insult; pretty much everyone could use a level-headed person to talk to.</p>

<p>I felt VERY much as you do now, but I realized that pursuing my own interests would help me more than pretending to enjoy singing in an acapella group. It's easier (and more fun) to become distinctive if you actually give a damn.</p>

<p>I reccomend sticking with your current ECs, just because it's too late to change (it really is) but PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE start doing something you like. You will be happier.</p>

14

<p>I hear you. I don't like half the things I do, but I do it anyway. Whey Easy -- college. </p>

<p>200+ hours at a hospital... I can garuntee you that for more than half the time I wasn't doing anything. I was sitting around with people waiting for someone to tell me what to do, but I still got the credit. G-d -- it was so boring.</p>

<p>Class of '08 is a joke. I'll have been doing it for 3 years by the time I graduate, but I hate it.</p>

<p>Same thing goes for my school paper. I absolutely hate journalism, which is probaby why I'm a leading candidate for layout editor. I hate layout too, but I do it. DO we know why? Yes -- I've veen on my respective school paper since the 5th grade.</p>

<p>Tri-M. is death. Of course, it's a fly-by club. A music honor society never hurt! But every week, I sit there fearing be chosen for a performance. I absolutely STINK at my instrument and can barely play a concert F in tune.</p>

<p>All my other honor societies are a list of chores.</p>

<p>I feel the OP, but what are we going to do?</p>

15

<p>Trust me:
The relatively few colleges that consider ECs as admission factors aren't looking to accept: bad actors who hate acting; team captains who aren't good at their sport and hate their teammembers; people who spend hours volunteering for people they despise, and have nothing to show for that except hours.</p>

<p>The top colleges that do factor ECs into their applications are looking for people who pursue their interests passionately and with pleasure, and are good at those things.</p>

<p>The EC is wasting his time with the activities he's participating in but hating.</p>

<p>He'd be a happier person participating in no ECs and then going to one of the many good colleges that would be happy to have a high stat student from rural New England.</p>

<p>Or he could figure out start pursuing is real interests and passions now. If he has none, then it would be a good idea to get into counseling because indifference can be a sign of depression. Or, he could simply attend one of the many good colleges that care about applicants' stats, not their ECs.</p>

16

<p>But doesn't looking for things you like take a long time. For me I know it would. Also it kind of detracts from school. And also what if your days are filled with things for school and a few other things.</p>

17

<p>"But doesn't looking for things you like take a long time"</p>

<p>Sure, but isn't it worth it to be doing things that you enjoy and are interested in? And how much time does it take to find things that are connectd to things that interest you? </p>

<p>Surely you have some idea of things that you like. So, you get involved in activities -- formal ECs, volunteer work, research, work and academics related to those things that you create or find on your own. </p>

<p>For instance, if you like to write, you could look for summer writing programs, get involved in your school paper or literary magazine, start a group for other kids who like to write, read some books about writing, do lots of writing on your own. For instance, older S was interested in screen writing and completely on his own found websites that told him how to do this. He then wrote a screen play on his own.</p>

<p>When he applied to Syracuse's Film School, he sent his screen play, and got accepted there and got merit aid.</p>

<p>The time that one wastes being miserable doing activities that one hates with people one despises could have been much better spent researching and doing things you like.</p>

<p>For instance, the OP is spending lots of hours volunteering with homeless people he despises. Assuming he has any interests, he could be doing volunteer work connected with those interests.</p>

<p>For instance: if he's interested in a medical career, he could be volunteering at a hospital. If he's interested in engineering or architecture, Habitat for Humanity. If he's interested in writing, he could be volunteering with a community newspaper (I am the volunteer editor of a nonprofit community newspaper, and we'd welcome high school students as editors and writers and we'd give them the same interesting responsibilities that we adults have. We can't find any, however, even though there are many students who say they like to write!)</p>

<p>There also are plenty of writing, engineering and science summer programs and weekend programs (such as weekend programs offered by Duke's Talent Search program for virtually any student who's interested and willing to pay the $350 or so fee). All a student has to do is look for things like that. </p>

<p>Their choice is to follow others into activities that are easy to fall into, but aren't interesting or to take the time to research, create and find things that interest them. It's beyond me why anyone would prefer to devote hundreds of hours to activities that they hate instead of spending a few hours finding things that match their interests. However, the top colleges really aren't interested in people who care so little about their own interests that they'd prefer to be bored in an easy to find activity than to take the time and effort to find an activity that matches their interests.</p>

<p>The colleges that care about ECs want students who'll enrich their campuses by pursuing ECs. Clearly, students who only do ECs to look good to colleges aren't going to bother doing ECs once in college, so places like HPY will do their best to weed out such students.</p>

<p>One last thing, the top colleges want students who can pursue ECs with talent and depth while also maintaining excellent grades and scores and a rigorous curriculum on their college campuses as well as in high school. Most students can't do that or don't want to do that. This is fine. However, it's also an example of why most students can't get into HPY and wouldn't be happy there if they wre admitted.</p>

18

<p>I feel the same way you do parkrunner, I'm so tired of doing sports and kissing teacher's asses in case I need a recommendation from them or something. The whole thing sucks.</p>

19

<p>northstarmom - thank you for your kind words they really helped me think about the things that I was doing. I realized that I am probably going to try to incorporate my schedule with more things that I personally enjoy doing. Obviously I will still be doing other things to help boost my resume, but you really put things into a new perspective for me. Thank you. btw I am now rereading my post and realized that I sounded WAY harsh. Then I realized that I had just gotten into a fight with my mom that day which is probably y it sounded so... ANGRY. Anyways, I am still kinda fed up with it all, but not as much as that post portrayed that I did. just lettin you all know.</p>

20

<p>OP:You should be a writer.</p>

<p>I'd read your stuff.</p>