<p>Very good point, SteveMA, although I think DS is the one who’s been viewing it as a “sports essay.” (Unfortunately, I can’t help but see the tragedy in it.)</p>
<p>In addition to my earlier remarks, I also endorse YoHo’s points, ESPECIALLY the one about the opening of the essay. </p>
<p>If he starts out with the typical sports injury essay, the readers’ eyes are going to glaze over and it may not matter if he finally says something original at word 400.</p>
<p>My own S had two very good essays: one dense and full of intellectual fire (the “philosophical” essay), and one more anecdotal and an easier read. He wrote the philosophical essay first, and used it as his main essay in his one early application. (He was deferred.) It really did express who he is, but I had the strong feeling that it wasn’t going to appeal to most adcoms as much as the other one. I asked a friend who had been an admissions officer at Princeton, amongst other places, to look at the two essays, and as I suspected she recommended that he use the easier read essay as his personal statement and the other as a supplement. On the plus side, he was able to use the philosophical essay on almost every application by doing some judicious editing that turned it into “this is the kind of intellectual experience I want in college and I think that school X is the place that can provide it.”</p>
<p>I did get five minutes with DS between waking up and leaving (these busy hs seniors. . .). I passed on many of the suggestions here and I think he really listened. Apparently his English class is working on The Big Essay this week so we’ll see where he is on Friday.</p>
<p>I’ll play devil’s advocate here :). Even if it is the “what I learned from my adversity” essay, I agree with other posters that it must quickly get to his point somehow. I have the feeling that adcoms even see the word sports and/or (insert specific sport here), it won’t get read.</p>
<p>That being said, think of a unique way to present the information. Maybe write about one of his unaffected brain cells talking to the other about how it feels to suddenly be different, or the scars on his knees that tell everybody something happened but not what. Idk… these were just what popped in my head.</p>
<p>So many clever and creative people out there–thanks!</p>
<p>Well how does this work</p>
<p>Op,
When you think about the inner workings of your son, is your first thought about him is about how well he is overcoming adversity? I’m sure there are many interesting, unique things about him than his ability to overcome his concussion. This is why I’m not really super excited about a sports tragedy essay. </p>
<p>Maybe a more interesting read is that he defines himself by his sport, and now that it’s not there, then hmmm how is going to define himself now. But even then, I’m sure there are other parts of his personality that are not defined by sports that may be more interesting. Again, it does not need to include an epiphany or have a lesson learned or a nice neat conclusion. It needs to be a journey through his brain and eyes.</p>
<p>Cormom,
My D was remembered for essay as well. The Welcome to College Letter had an actual quote from her essay handwritten on it. She originally wanted to do a “service project in a foreign country” essay. And I said no way, too common! Although well written, my eyes glazed over in the first paragraph and I could predict the entire essay. Finally after much complaining, she went to her creative writing work (where she previously had to dig deep into her emotions) and retooled an essay on independence coming from a 2 working parent household. Completely captured her true personality (rather than the exciting, exotic travels with standard platitudes and cliches).</p>
<p>Walker,
Love your creativity!</p>
<p>He might start the essay in the present and then flashback if he wants to keep the emphasis on what I learned from the experience. A description of physical therapy might make a good lead in for example.</p>
<p>So many thought-provoking questions! I see that this could take many different directions. </p>
<p>My first thoughts about this child are what an easy-going and happy person he is. (My youngest, just like my youngest brother–they are both quintessential Good Guys.) When he was very young he’d see food on someone else’s plate and say, “Can I have some of that–that’s my favorite!” With every new soccer coach it was, “Oh he’s my favorite coach!” </p>
<p>During our brief conversation this morning the one thing he mentioned including in his essay was when he laughed at the doctor. This was the pediatric neurologist who happened to witness the collision (son on the team) and said he probably shouldn’t play soccer any more. My son does not dwell <much> on what he’s lost. In his mind everything will work out. </much></p>
<p>Hmmmm. . . “It needs to be a journey through his brain and eyes.” That really resonates.</p>
<p>U of Chicago is known for their unique essay prompts. U ca see what others have written about. Which essays make you want to meet their author?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-chicago/164537-post-your-essay-54.html?highlight=move+in+day+tips[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-chicago/164537-post-your-essay-54.html?highlight=move+in+day+tips</a></p>
<p>I wandered across this article recently
<a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/16/jobs/college-essay-advice-from-a-former-soap-opera-writer.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/16/jobs/college-essay-advice-from-a-former-soap-opera-writer.html</a></p>
<p>He has a website with some interesting essay advice. I especially liked the entries about openings and closings.<br>
[College</a> Essay Solutions | Writing the College Admissions Essay: SIX WAYS TO CREATE A POWERFUL OPENING](<a href=“http://www.collegeessaysolutions.com/writing-the-college-admissions-essay-six-ways-to-create-a-powerful-opening/]College”>Writing the College Admissions Essay: SIX WAYS TO CREATE A POWERFUL OPENING | College Essay Solutions)
[College</a> Essay Solutions | YOUR COLLEGE ADMISSIONS ESSAY: SIX WAYS TO CREATE A MEMORABLE CLOSING](<a href=“http://www.collegeessaysolutions.com/your-college-admissions-essay-six-ways-to-create-a-memorable-closing/]College”>YOUR COLLEGE ADMISSIONS ESSAY: SIX WAYS TO CREATE A MEMORABLE CLOSING | College Essay Solutions)</p>
<p>Thanks for the links, sacchi. Will mos def check them out.</p>
<p>This is also a great book on writing the college application essay by Bauld “On writing the college application essay.”
College board also makes an essay book, but takes a different approach. So it might be worth a look.
As a reader of essays for medical fellowship applications, I prefer essays that follow Bauld’s approach. </p>
<p>[On</a> Writing the College Application Essay,25th Anniversary Edition: The Key to Acceptance at the College of Your Choice: Harry Bauld: 9780062123992: Amazon.com: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Writing-College-Application-Essay-Anniversary/dp/0062123998]On”>http://www.amazon.com/Writing-College-Application-Essay-Anniversary/dp/0062123998)</p>