<p>I know this has been talked to death and comes up a bajillion times every year, but DS is really struggling with The Big Essay and I just want him to get the darn common app finished. I know there is an essay forum but it doesn't get all that much traffic and I love the wisdom of the parents here. He thought he had a decent topic, but now is waffling. In short, he was a high-level soccer player with a pretty promising future but has had two ACLs and at the beginning of this season got a concussion + multiple skull fractures. The theme would be hanging in there/coping with disappointment/marshaling on. . . but somewhere along the line somebody told him sports essays are way too common. Any opinions about whether he should start over with a new topic?</p>
<p>It’s all in how it’s written. If he starts out with some earlier experience with adversity (something that happened in childhood) that foreshadows this recent experience, the essay will resonate more than one simply focused on the recent events.</p>
<p>If he wants, I’d be happy to look at it via PM</p>
<p>I think it’s a great topic. Just make sure it doesn’t come across as “poor me” but shows what he has done to deal with the disappointment of not being able to participate in something he loves any longer. I also think that being on the CC hinders kids (and parents) because these things get talked about and a lot of assumptions are made based on that. Ad comm’s want to see a well written essay. They don’t want an essay about how wonderful you are, that you are the top student in your class and you have never gotten a bad grade. They can see that on your transcript. They want to know more about you and a great way to show that is how you deal with something like these severe injuries.</p>
<p>Well good! It is most definitely not a “poor me” essay–this kid’s resilience and positive attitude are amazing to me, although I guess I’m not surprised given the boy I’ve known for 18 years.</p>
<p>Classof2015–I will keep that in mind, although it might be another week or two. Busy weekend coming up, and I don’t see him finishing even a final draft during the typical school week. I am a good writer, but mostly of the technical variety the last couple of decades, and am no longer confident in my abilities to judge what makes a good essay.</p>
<p>I think that the kind of sports essays they don’t want to see are “how I won the big game.”</p>
<p>What I think would be key in your son’s story is some deeper thought. This <em>just</em> happened to him. Sure, the ACLs set him back, and he had to soldier on through the recoveries, but “concussion + multiple skull fractures”: that’s a whole 'nother thing. It sounds like he may never be able to play soccer again, and probably never at the same level. Possibly this may curtail other sports/physical activities as well. He may have been lucky to escape serious brain injury. </p>
<p>I think that some attempt to sit down and actually grapple with this life change would be more worth reading than blithe talk about how he plans to bounce back. I’m not saying that he should surrender his positive attitude, not at all. But there have to be some deep fears and regrets there, and letting himself get into that territory would strike a deeper chord with the reader. This is not the same thing as “poor me,” either.</p>
<p>I think that the key to writing a good personal statement is to think long and hard about what one actually wants to say. Distill it.</p>
<p>I think it’s a good topic too, and that you’ve been given good advice here. I would also press him to incorporate lessons that he’s learned from this - perhaps the role of sports in his life, skills that will take him far off the soccer field, etc.</p>
<p>I’m a writer and, in addition to reviewing my kids’ essays (one used a sports topic on EC essay in an interesting way), I’ve helped neighbors too. Also happy to look at your DS’ essay, if you want. Just PM me.</p>
<p>It’s a fine topic. Everything has been written about a jillion times, you have to get over that. :)</p>
<p>Remember it’s okay to write “sloppy first drafts” (from* Bird by Bird* by Anne Lamott.)</p>
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<p>Yes. And that might even include admitting feelings that are “unpopular” or not politically correct - that at times he wished it had happened to others, not him, or that he’s mad at himself for being in such a situation, etc. Really honest, almost therapy-ish stuff, versus “I had these injuries but I always look on the bright side of life, onward and upward.”</p>
<p>See? You guys are <em>awesome</em>. This is wonderful advice that I will pass on to DS. </p>
<p>(And Consolation–yes, this has been a real kick in the <ahem> jellies re: his future in the sport. We talked for a while about having him sit down with a therapist, which he was initially open to but has more recently politely declined. He is by nature a happy kid but I still think there’s a good bit of mental/emotional stuff he’s not dealing with. Perhaps exploring this in the essay would be a tiny bit therapeutic.)</ahem></p>
<p>^I agree with Pizzagirl. My son wrote an essay about regretting being impatient at an origami/paper museum on a visit to Japan when he later became interested in the subject, but he ended the essay admitting that if he went today he’d still probably have been tapping his foot waiting for his mother to be done looking. A little self-deprecating humor can really help an essay that is in danger of becoming over-earnest.</p>
<p>What we have to remember is these kids are only 17ish. Not a WHOLE lot has happened to MOST of them, that hasn’t happened to A LOT of them.</p>
<p>The trick is to make the stuff that’s written about “a jillion times” PERSONAL and revealing about that particular student.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl–wonderful. Thanks.</p>
<p>The DD of a friend of our’s had similar injuries and is no longer able to play contact sports. As an outlet for her competitive drive she took up golf. In just 3 years of high school play finished her senior year as the number one ranked player in our state and got a pretty nice D1 scholarship for golf. Just something for your son to consider. I was a 3 sport athlete in high school and 2 sports in college. I would have had a very difficult time not being able to compete so I can sympathize with your son. Best of luck to him!</p>
<p>Another excellent book . . . about actual students writing essays on very difficult topics:</p>
<p>[Acceptance:</a> A Legendary Guidance Counselor Helps Seven Kids Find the Right Colleges—And Find Themselves](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Legendary-Counselor-Colleges----Themselves/dp/B002ZNJWOA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329829179&sr=8-1][b]Acceptance:”>http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Legendary-Counselor-Colleges----Themselves/dp/B002ZNJWOA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329829179&sr=8-1)</p>
<p>My guess is that exploring this topic would be more than “a little bit therapeutic” for your son . . . if he decides he’s willing to do more than just skim the surface.</p>
<p>D wrote a similar essay last year. She is a swimmer and developed FAI in her hip. She finished her season on crutches for 3 months, had a major surgery followed by 3 weeks out of school and 5 months out of the pool. She made her essay about dealing with its impact on her life, not just swimming, but also in the classroom, showing determination in her recovery.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the words of sympathy and support. I was raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. Haven’t quite figured out yet how this turns into something positive, though. <insert pensive,="" wry="" smiley=""></insert></p>
<p>Op,
The sports essay that is so common is the one that starts off with the action of the sport, described in detail, then later the “we won the game (yay! I’m a stud)” then the “from that I learned the power of teamwork, dedication, and hard work.” This type of essay is so common.</p>
<p>If he does a sports essay, he’ll have to show very early in his essay (within the first paragraph) that it will not be that type of essay. Because once they read the first 2 sentences, adcom will go into “groan, another sports essay” mode and start rather skimming it. So differentiate himself early from this!</p>
<p>A good essay:
A good essay shows thru imagery and example, rather than tells.<br>
The essay should be clever (insightful, and reasonably intelligent) at some level. Bottom line, when adcom has to read 50 essays in a day, they want a reasonably fast, tight, entertaining read (no, it does not need to be “happy”, but entertaining; dark things, quirkly things, mundane things can all be entertaining), and not super dense, or hyperintelligent, or clever imitations on other great works of writing. Heck, they can already see your GPA and SAT scores. They just want to make it to the end of the essay and say, wow, I want to meet this person.</p>
<p>Essays to not have to be about the “big things” in life. Is this topic really too big for him emotionally? Will he be able to do it justice, or just give standard platitudes?</p>
<p>YoHo–remains to be seen! Thank you for the advice. I haven’t yet talked to DS about this thread, but am hoping he can fit me into his busy schedule soon. (No school today, so maybe I’ll have a sit-down with him–you know, after he wakes up. 
)</p>
<p>I agree completely with YoHoYoHo. </p>
<p>My D’s bf wrote a sports essay and it was the “typical sports injury essay,” what he learned from his injury, teamwork, dedication, the big game at states…tied it into the big game of life, why it changed his life, ETC… </p>
<p>Long story short - a very bright kid, with great stats, EC’s - did not get into several schools that he was VERY qualified for while my D who had similar stats got into these same schools. Her essay was specifically mentioned in the acceptance letter of one of these schools, so I think the essay can play a pretty big role at decision time.</p>
<p>If he can avoid falling into the trap that my D’s bf did by generalizing the injury and story and instead make it uniquely interesting, by all means he should do it, but it can be tricky to write about without simply retelling what happened and lacing it with cliches. Adcoms see this essay every day…</p>
<p>All the best to him.</p>
<p>I would suggest that you stop thinking about this as a “sports essay” and look at it as “how I overcame my injury” essay. It really isn’t about sports, it’s about dealing with a tragedy.</p>