<p>A 14-year-old will probably enjoy the tours more than he expects--it's a chance to discover new places and can be pretty interesting. It also is somewhat relevant to his own near future, in obvious and not so obvious ways. For example, when we were visiting schools years ago with my son, my daughter, who is six years younger than he, was fascinated by how the tour guides always walked backwards. It inspired her to want to be a tour guide herself (she's the sort of kid who likes talking to people anyway, so it isn't much of a stretch). She is now in her first year of college and conducted her first tour for prospective students last Saturday.</p>
<p>We went through it last spring. The first few he grumbled but we did reward him with his dunkin donut at the end of the day. He loves donuts and we don't often get them at home. In Boston we had one across from the hotel and we made him wait till the afternoon to indulge. He actually did better with the colleges then the freedom trail. </p>
<p>I also let him get a game boy advanced and a few new games. Though an ipod would be a great incentive as well.<br>
After a few colleges he began to pay attention during the tours. He also took great pleasure in collecting the free rain ponchos and wearing them at the next school. He thought he was being funny.<br>
One of the biggest grumbles each day was who was going to get stuck with the rollaway in the hotel.
We left the elementary age kid at home with grandma. That one would have been a nightmare.
At times he was a pain having around but I think he actually got something positive out of the trip.
One thing is think about the size of the rental car. If he is a big kid and has to be stuck in the backseat of a compact car. Our first rental car had a flat tire and at the town where they sent us to exchange it the only other car available with the neverlost was a Lincoln Towncar. So at no extra charge we ended up in a huge spacious car. The kids loved the room in the back and son got to actually have room for his long legs. Made for a much more pleasant ride. Though husband felt like he was driving a boat.</p>
<p>When we did college visits with S five years ago, D was in 7th grade. While H and S visited campuses, I took the car and visited nearby sites of greater interest to D, e.g., museums, parks. Even small towns usually have county museums or colleges/universities have art museums. It meant a lot of on-line research on my part to come up with an itinerary that would fit everyone's schedule and needs, and some places were out in the middle of nowhere, but it worked. Sometimes, H would just drop us off near a shopping center and call us later to arrange pick-up. One thing I definitely tried to do was identify something that would interest D each day of the trip and buy a little something for her as a treat. Good luck!</p>
<p>mom60--we're on the same wavelength. I was thinking something like, as a reward for every college tour the kid does with out whining, a new game for the game boy. (Or you could say two tours equals a new game, depending on finances).</p>
<p>Carolyn - have you considered staying home with your son and letting your husband and daughter do the college trip? That might be a nice personal time for you and your son, as well as for your husband and daughter.</p>
<p>Texas, Now THAT'S an idea. Unfortunately, I already bought plane tickets in my name.</p>
<p>Hmm, I hope I don't get flamed for this, but this discussion is starting to remind me of little kids who can't make it through the check-out line without getting a sweet. Do you wonder if the poor attitudes are more about knowing they can get tangible, expensive rewards out parents? I'm all for having some activities the other child can enjoy, but I just don't get the gift giving.</p>
<p>Have a laptop computer loaded with computer games or that new gameboy or one of those portable dvd players with some favorite movies or shows? He might come out of the hypnotic state those things induce when something interesting comes up. He'll love the inner harbor in Baltimore, Carolyn while you visit Goucher; there is a Power plant video arcade there along with all sorts of stuff going on. He can visit the Babe Ruth museum, Camden Yards (maybe catch a game), take the boat to Ft McHenry, visit the Science Museum, Aquarium, all within that area. There is a hotel attached to the inner harbor complex--a Stouffers the last I remember, it has changed names several times, and well worth the investment. Treat yourselves to dinner at Tio Pepe's, by the way, my favorite restaraunt. Look for stuff like this in the areas where you are traveling. Otherwise, drop him off at the student center with the game laden laptop, and have him participate as he feels like it.</p>
<p>We won't be going to Goucher on this trip Jamimom - It's still on my daughter's list but she's decided she has a pretty good feel for Goucher and will visit again after she's accepted. </p>
<p>Actually, my son liked Baltimore quite a bit when we were there on our way to St. Mary's for CTY. He adored St. Mary's campus too. He has been on a few college visits with us - he sits politely during the presentation but has been very pleased when we've let him wander off on his own at a few schools. </p>
<p>Husband and I just talked and we're going to have a family talk tonight at dinner about the whole thing. I'll bring up some of the ideas here --- and let you know what we decide.</p>
<p>MomofFour - I had the same thought. I'm pretty okay with bribery (in a moment of desperation, I once promised a 5 year old $100 if he could make it through a week-long trip w/o whining. Best $100 I ever spent.) But on the other hand, we're talking about pretty substantial bribes for a child who is old enough to be an active participant in the planning. It seems to me that there are only 2 positions to take - (a) it's an appropriate activity of the entire family and a 14 year old should be able to tolerate the boring bits w/o expensive bribes, or (b) it is not an appropriate activity for the whole family and should be approached more like a business trip, even if it means sacrificing the cost of an airline ticket. (probably still cheaper than buying another ticket for son, much less buying another ticket plus a drum set for son)</p>
<p>Carolyn - a family meeting sounds like a good idea. If the tickets have been purchased for only you and your daughter, maybe you should stick with the original plan of making it just the two of you if your son is resistant to the trip. Good luck, whatever you decide. And let us know how the trip goes!</p>
<p>Carolyn,
Is he interested in offbeat places of interest? Maybe you and your D could visit the colleges and H and S could go off and do their own thing? Have S look at RoadsideAmerica.com and PreservationDirectory.com for some ideas.</p>
<p>It might not be that bad. I'm having a flashback to a trip to the midwest that we took when my oldest was about that age. He had some CD's that he listened to most of the trip, was "plugged in" most of the time. He really wasn't a problem. He just wasn't "there" most of the time. Had to unplug him every now and then to communicate.</p>
<p>Anyway, hope I didn't offend with my comment about whining. I was thinking about my own--I'm sure Carolyn's kids are much better behaved than mine.</p>
<p>Last spring we also made the college thing a family trip. The draw was that we had to fly back east...the first plane ride for our 10 yr old!! So it was fun and informative...not only for D1...but D2, who is currently in 9th grade, had a chance to look at schools in PA and MA. She loved Boston...and decided she would not apply to sister's college. ;)</p>
<p>re the bribes
my younger has tactile defensiveness disorder. Giving her something positive to focus on ( music or book on tape) helps her to focus and tune out overwhelming stimulus.</p>
<p>It is much easier to control the sorts of environment that she is exposed to, espcially when she was younger than to get her to "behave".
I suspect that this is more common than is recognized and is at least as prevalent in population as autism a much more severe disorder.
I don't know Carolyns son, but I don't think that trying to identify a way to make something work for everyone, means that they are necessarily "spoiled"</p>
<p>I don't have lots of different suggestions. You already got some very good ones. If you can't leave son behind and you want to go as an entire family......one idea that others brought up was to sometimes split up and have one parent take your D on the college stuff for a few hours while the other finds other things to do locally. You can take turns so that you and your hubby each have turns doing the college stuff. Another idea is to build into each 24 hour period a thing or two your son might enjoy....dinner out...a movie that night...a little balance. Also maybe he does not have to do every single thing on campus that you guys do. Maybe he can split from you for an hour or two and walk around, hang at the campus center, the athletic area, the local village (give him a cell so you can connect). He can participate in some of the college stuff and then also have some time to do his choices that are less structured. </p>
<p>I admit to not having this dilemma. For one thing, we never did week long college trips. Ours were never more than 2 or 3 day longs, just one or two colleges per trip. I did not have to bring my younger child because I took the older one and my hubby stayed home with the other child who had her own activities that she could not miss (this was not over vacation periods per se). Actually, once my younger one went with my older D and me but not really to visit the college. Her best friend from camp who lived in New Haven hosted my family when I took older child to see Yale and Conn College and so she got to visit her best friend and even go to school with her for a day while I did the colleges with my older D. So, it was a treat for her in that case. </p>
<p>The only time when the younger one HAD to be along was not planned ahead of time. In fall of my older one's senior year, we had plans to visit the only college she was applying to that we had not yet seen. We had lined up various appointments...professors, coaches, interview, class observation, tour, info. session...and even an overnight with a girl who had gone to our college. Anyway, at the time my dad was dying. We were all out of state at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and then were all due to go home and then a day later I was to go to Smith with my older one for this two day trip. When my Dad's condition worsened, I did not return home with my family but stayed on in NJ at my parents' house. My hubby said he would take D for the overnight at Smith and cancel work. Then as soon as they got home to VT, my Dad died that same night and so they had to come all the way back to NJ for the funeral but my mom put the funeral off a few days and my hubby still did the Smith overnight two days later, enroute to continuing on to NJ for the funeral. But since they could not return to VT to get the younger one to go to the funeral after Smith, they had to bring her there. I realize the situation differed than yours but in this case, my D was ALSO friendly with the girl the older one was to do the overnight with (had done several school musicals with her) and the girl offered to let my younger one ALSO spend the night in the dorm with her and she had fun. It was her first slice of college life as it was her only college visit at that point. But for the full day of appts. and tours the next day, she only did a little of that. She did the info. session I think but was not into the tour and could not accompany to class or the appts. of course. For part of the time, my hubby walked around Northampton with her. And then when hubby and older D were doing the tour and older D went to some appts., the younger one asked to hang out at the campus center where I think she got online. She also ended up chatting with various Smith students and in some way, I think she got something out of it even though it is not a school she would consider. She still got a sense of what things you might discuss with kids about a college. And she went into the college bookstore and loved the Smith tee shirts and got one (older D did not, lol, as she was holding off to see where she got in and decided to go) and it said, "Smith, a century of women on top"...and then asked me if I "got it". She did not complain about the trip but again, it was just a 24 hour period of time and she did some of the stuff, did some alternative stuff, and also was in tenth grade, not ninth like your son. Little did I know that she would decide to graduate early and a month later was making her own college list and we were off running on HER process. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Re the bribes: I'm not usually big on this, but let's look at this situation--it's his spring break, too, and he's basically being asked (for good reasons) to give it up because of other people's (reasonable) needs. In my family it wouldn't be bribes, because no matter how the younger sib felt about it, he wouldn't've acted up along the way. But I think it would more be like acknowledgement of his time being given up for the greater family good, and tangible appreciation for that.</p>
<p>I also think that those who say that he WILL get something out of it may see that in their own kids, but it's certainly not universal. My S wouldn't've got anything out of these tours at 14; it would've if anything made him resentful of the whole college process. Each kid is different, so I'm wary of generalizations.</p>
<p>I like the suggestion of parents taking turns doing the actual visit, while the other one does something with the brother. I definitely vote for Cedar POint, if you can fit it in.</p>
<p>As a younger sibling who was dragged on a large number of college tours, I thought maybe I could add my two cents. </p>
<p>My sister (2 years older) and I had pretty much the same type of schools in mind, and the age difference isn't huge, but when I was in 8th grade and she was in 10th, I certainly wasn't too happy about the whole process. To be frank, the main reason for my kvetching was that she was getting all the attention. And, when you're 13, an easy way to remedy that is to act up a bit. Keeps 'em on their toes. :)</p>
<p>Now, four years later, I am really grateful that I had the opportunity to go on those trips, and to visit her college several times. When Junior / Senior year rolled around, I really didn't have to make any special trips, which freed up a lot of time. On the whole, my "process" was much easier than hers, because our family had been there, done that. </p>
<p>So: Remind that younger ones that this will benefit them greatly in the future, but be prepared for some prima donna stunts!</p>
<p>Okay Carolyn - here's a concrete suggestion for when you're near Earlham. Stop in Indianapolis. Check the schedule and see if there's a Pacer game - Conseco Fieldhouse is one of the all time great arenas to see a basketball game in. I've never been (I'm not a racing fan) but if your son likes racing, everyone says the Indianapolis Motor Speedway museum is great. We also have the NCAA Hall of Champions. If nothing else, as you're driving through Indy (which I assume you will be) stop for a food break at a place called Jillian's downtown - three floors of all interactive stuff to do including a bowling alley, every conceivable arcade game and tv's everywhere you look. Even my 15 year old son likes going (and he never wants to go anywhere that takes him away from his poker buddies and internet). PM me with your dates and maybe I'll just give you my Pacer tickets (we don't always use them). If you want more suggestions for Indy just let me know.</p>
<p>And I don't envy you - when my daughter and I looked I left my son at home. I honestly don't know how he would have responded to such a trip but my gut tells me that while he wouldn't be thrilled, he would have intrigued by the idea of helping his sister make a college decision. Maybe you could play that angle.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>silver4: My younger child is 12 and I am very hesitant to take her for the very reason you stated...I am afraid that she would be whiney and grumpy because big brother is the focus of the trip. I wish she would like to go, I just really doubt it!</p>
<p>We toured the Midwest during Thanksgiving break and our 14 year old son didn't want to go either, but we were visiting family for Thanksgiving that we rarely visit. We took Monopoly and several games that we played as a family in the hotel, plus he's into paintball so we looked up some paintball fields ahead of time and visited one. He complained under his breath the whole time we did the campus tours and I wanted to pinch his head off, but it wouldn't have been a family vacation without him.</p>