I come from a low-income family and a low-ranked high school but I currently attend a really competitive university. A lot of students here are international/from out of state and tend to have money. They also probably have more life experiences etc that I lack. Because of this when I sometimes meet people for the first time and they tell me stuff about their life sometimes I’m taken aback and I start thinking, ‘I never had this’ and become quiet. How can I get rid of this feeling? It’s not like I’m academically lower or anything. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I could have had a much better resourceful upbringing and I sometimes have to ‘pretend’ to be more like other students.
The first thing that I’d do is remember that despite any disadvantages that you may have had, you pushed through and earned a spot at a really competitive university. That is unbelievably awesome. The second requires a bit of having a long view, but I do believe that one day you will be thankful for the background that you did have. It will provide context over the years in ways that you can’t see right now. And finally, it’s okay that you haven’t had those experiences just yet. There is plenty of time left in your life with so much to come. I grew up poor and stayed poor until I was 35 or so. The last eight years have felt like a miracle to me, but I am grateful to have faced some of the struggle that I did when I was younger. It’s given me a very rich perspective.
Mostly remember that this university chose you because of you who are and what you have accomplished. You were not found lacking in any way, because you are not.
I would suggest to think of it this way:
Colleges accept a variety of students so they can build a diverse class.
Don’t think “I never had anything like this” but “Cool! I get to meet people who didn’t have this…and they get to meet me, who didn’t have it…they may not realize the advantages they had but being exposed to different people helps expand our universes.”
Also think “I didn’t have that, but still got here! Go me!”
My collegekids grew up all over the world- never finished a grade level in the same country, much less the same school. The boyfriend of one of them grew up 90 minutes from the college they both attended- and that is the farthest he had ever been from home when he started college. His family barely scrapes by financially, and going to college at all was completely dependent on full financial aid.
He is a genuinely nice guy, smart, likes my collegekid (always a winner in my book…), but one of the things that I like most about him is his openness to new experiences. He has grabbed the college experience with both hands, from trying new foods, to his first airplane trip (to a conference with his advisor as a sophomore) to his first international trips (study abroad and later a paid internship). He found areas of commonality with fellow students (books read, games / instruments played) and learned ones he had never heard of. His friends like him for the kind of person he is and admire his strengths (incl certain video games…). There were probably some students at that school who only wanted to hang out with people whose lives had been just like their own- but my collegekid didn’t know any. Most of them seemed to take each other as they were, and were only mildly interested in what their life had been like before college.
To use an old engineering example- it’s not that you are looking at the glass as half empty and should be looking at it as half full- it’s that you are using the wrong size glass. You bring a package of things with you. Other students- both the ones whose paths have been financially easier or more adventurous that you are noticing right now, and those whose paths have been more like your own, who you are not noticing so much just now- bring other packages. Together you make up a community. Except for the 3 people at your college who are equally gifted academically, athletically, physically, financially, socially skills, everybody has some pluses and minuses in their package.
tl;dr…this is baggage you can drop by just putting it down. You want to be free to run your own race, and it sounds as if you have some really great opportunities opening up for you, so go for it.
I come from a low-income family and a low-ranked high school but I currently attend a really competitive university
Congratulations. You earned it.
Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. You’ll never be happy if you do that. These kids are your peers. They have hang ups and insecurities of their own, you’re just not seeing that right now. No one has any control over the family or circumstances they are born into. You have control over where you go from here. Focus on that.
Good luck.
They haven’t had more life experiences. They’ve had different life experiences. You have had as many life experiences as anyone else your age.
Remember this: these other students had every advantage and had the path greased for them to get to where they are. You got to EXACTLY the same place. EXACTLY. And you no doubt overcame a ton of roadblocks to do so.
Hold on to that thought. Don’t look down on people because they had it financially easy but don’t for a second think that there is anything special about them because of it. Walk your own path and you’ll likely find many of those same people want to follow you.
The otter part is aspirational. I hope to achieve otter-level serenity and cuteness one day. And this particular cat isn’t the jealous type anyway. He’s grateful for any love and attention he can get. His brother is a different story.
I touched on this in a different thread, so I apologize if this is redundant. My S had some of the same feelings but it did not last long. I would never describe his financial situation growing up as low-income, but compared to some of the students he met it was much, much lower. And, yes, some of these students had some amazing stories to tell. However, two things occurred that changed all of his feelings of being a small fish in a large pond. First, all the students he met were actually very humble and looking to make new friends united around some common interests. Everyone was helping someone at some point in the early months (including our S). Second, as his friends moved on from introductory stories they became more focused on moving ahead, excelling in classes, and participating in research. It was at that time my S truly came in to his own. He now feels like a big fish in a big pond.