<p>... and stretches out the expense, although it might have an effect on when he has to pay back those loans. Military service (ROTC, National Guard) is another time-honored way to pay for college. Or if he's a math student or is studying certain "languages of interest," he should check out scholarships/internships with the NSA and intelligence agencies. There are some that will pay his full way until he's graduated, then give him a job -- he has to hold the job for an amount of time proportionate to the years of tuition he received.</p>
<p>looking, here's an "inspiring story" for your BF, if it helps. I worked my way through grad school while raising a child on my own. How I did it: I got a staff job at the university I was attending; one of the benefits was drastically reduced tuition (lots of schools offer that benefit, especially state ones). Then I took the classes in my program of study, one or two at a time, until I was done. It took a looooooong time and I didn't get to sleep much in the process, but I got the degree and graduated without any student loans (although I did have a bit of a credit card balance to contend with -- diapers and daycare ain't cheap). Throughout that time, I had support from one parent and interference from the other. Looking back now, I still don't know how I managed to do it, but somehow I got through. Just one step at a time. If I could do it with a baby....</p>
<p>A staff job at a university would be difficult for an 18-year-old student to obtain, especially in a market that's somewhat panicked over job availability; however, working and attending college part-time could be a viable option. Lots of people do that. It does take longer, but it would keep him from having to quit school completely (and worry over not going back) and he would graduate with several years of that resource coveted by college seniors everywhere: work experience.</p>
<p>As to your role right now, it sounds like he's sending you signals that he wants some space to figure things out on his own (after he finishes avoiding the subject). Why don't you tell him what you told us in your last post? And then tell him you believe in him and you're there if he wants a sounding board or a research partner... and back off from the topic.</p>
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<p>he didn't want to have to worry about these things<<</p>
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<p>I can't blame him. He's had to grow up sooner than all of his friends around him. That sucks. In the end, we all have to grow up and pay our own way in the world. I'm sorry his time came so early. </p>
<p>Inspiring story: my father was a high school dropout. He joined the Army when he was 17 and had a 20 year career. During those 20 years, he got his GED and took classes here and there at colleges along the way.</p>
<p>When he retired at age 37, he decided to go to college for real. He always wanted to be an engineer. With his retirement pay, a campus job and careful living, he and his wife and 3 children were able to make it without taking out loans. </p>
<p>He took a microbiology class to fulfill a science requirement and loved it! He changed his major, and spent the next 8 years getting his BS, MS and PhD in microbiology. He had a second career as a microbiologist in Hawaii and has since retired (again).</p>
<p>Have you heard of the stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance....Sounds like your BF is going through those. He thought his parents were going to pay for college. They aren't. That is something to grieve. He may not be able to get to "acceptance" in the next few days or even weeks. He needs to work his way through his grief and emerge to live his life again.</p>
<p>Also, I've noticed that often on this board, students have this idea that if they don't go straight through school in 4 years, they will be seen as odd or old. Believe me, whether you're looking for your first "real" job at 21 or 26, you look really young to folks like me who hire people.</p>
<p>I agree with missypie. It seems as if he is in mourning for his lost ideal. Especially if he was a top student in hs, he probably had major expectations, and he is mourning the loss of those. Add to that the resentment of abruptly being forced to fend for himself, no wonder he is confused. </p>
<p>We all know lots of kids who are forced to limit their expectations to what their financial situation will allow, and it can be done and done well, but IMHO he probably just requires time to adjust and think through things. </p>
<p>The best thing you and his friends can do is not to "pepper" him with encouragement / suggestions. Tell him that you realize he has to make the decision for himself. You feel that he should not drop out or whatever and why, tell him that you are there to provide input/advice/support if he wants it, and urge him to think through any major decision and discuss it with someone else. However, I think he needs time to think through without everyone offering their opinions.</p>
<p>While it's true that many traditional age college students who are not paying their way may not know the point of going, I've yet to meet a non-traditional student (either age or paying their own way and or both) who did not know the point. Your friend is going to have make that transition and that can take awhile. The fact is that "normal" has changed for him and getting used to a new normal is not an overnight process. </p>
<p>Is there a professor or other older adult he can talk about this with at school? If he'd like to post here, I know he'd get sound input from older adults who understand where he is and how to get where he wants to go.</p>
<p>dear nobody can do any things in this matter ultimately he have to pay all his loans,
i hope god will help him...
god bless him because they good person</p>
<p>One thing I have not seen suggested here is to try finishing early. </p>
<p>What he could do: go through in 3 years instead of 4. If he has 40 credits from AP, this should be very do-able, especially if he starts planning now. I am assuming from your posts that he is 2nd-year? If so, then he has 3 semesters left to finish his program - or at least the bare bones of his program. This is almost certainly time enough to do it, esp. if he has been taking upper-level classes already.</p>
<p>The plus side: pay for 3 semesters instead of 5 semesters.</p>
<p>The minus side: less room to explore / take advanced topics (but there are ways around this), graduating a year earlier than friends, (possibly) graduating before he's 21.</p>
<p>He can always go to graduate school to explore / take advanced topics - AND - graduate school is much more likely to be FREE than is UG school (depends on the area of study). One possibility which might get around most/all of the minuses: get that BS in 3 years, apply to the UG school's graduate program, and get a Master's. That would let him get the advanced topics in AND stay on campus. </p>
<p>I don't say this is the best option for him but it appears to be one that you and he haven't considered. </p>
<p>Disclosure: I went through UG in 3 years without planning to and it was a good decision. If I'd planned it earlier, it would have gone even better. [Basically I graduated 6-8 weeks after I decided to do so - do-able but somewhat nerve-wracking!]</p>
<p>What the parents here are responding to is the fact that your bf has a middle class ideal that many in this Country never enjoyed in the first place. Yes, it's certainly harder when all around you have parental support and you've had it in the past. But the fact is that many never had it and had to take baby steps to get an education.</p>
<p>No one wants to delay education to work, but the fact is most even in America have to figure out how to make it happen for themselves.</p>
<p>The idea of friends working to pay his way is indeed sweet, but I think after a few weeks it would stop. It's simply unrealistic.</p>
<p>Your bf needs to look at life differently. Indeed the poster who suggested he check out his peers working in grocery stores is on to something. There is a bright side to everything. If your bf goes out and gets some decent jobs, he'll be ahead of his peers in job experience when he graduates.</p>
<p>Life throws everyone curve balls. He got one earlier than his middle class peers. He can let it be a setback or an opportunity for personal growth.</p>
<p>I do think he'll get used to the idea over time.</p>
<p>Son has a friend whose mom never gives her sons a cent...they've earned (from an employer) every bit of spending money they've ever had. She says she's poor but yet has had cosmetic surgery and has great makeup and haircuts. Anyway, Son's friend has totally known all through high school that the tab for college is on him and he is planning accordingly. That is different psychologically than having a sudden change in your expectations.</p>
<p>Graduating early is a great plan. Taking extra units, choosing your classes carefully, going to summer school, taking out loans to finance school so that you can get out of school quickly--can save you oodles.</p>
<p>Another thought that I wouldn't suggest doing--getting married puts you in a different financial aid category...</p>
<p>you don't say what state you live in so I don't know the rules for your U, but your BF should look into the rules for financial independence. In CA, for example, the UC system considers you financially independent if you can demonstrate enough income to support yourself (eg. the money didn't magically "show up") and you haven't been claimed on your parents tax returns for 2 years. If he takes time off from full-time college and gets a job he can save some money towards the future, and will be able in time to qualify for financial aid. In the meantime he can take classes at nite at a CC. Or find a nite job. I know someone who is a teacher, and the one of the janitors at their school for several years was a kid working his way thru college. a guy on my frosh floor was a JC transfer who had worked for several years as an auto mechanic; it made him quite popular with the girls since he could help them when they had car trouble (may not be exactly the inspiration you're looking for, seeing as how this is your BF).</p>
<p>Another option is to look for colleges that have a strong coop program. In these programs students spend several semesters working full time in addition to school, but since the jobs are arranged thru the program they're generally better paying than entry-level jobs are.</p>