<p>My boyfriend is in a bind. Basically, his parents can no longer afford to pay for college (before this news, he had already taken out $10,000 in loans in his name; he has now just paid for the second half of this year completely out of his pocket and is personally 100% broke! He has no idea how he will pay for his next two years.) He is getting down because most of the people who love him (me, friends, etc.) just have not gone through what he is going through, because we are lucky enough to have parents who support us financially. Are there any resources for people like him to connect with other kids who are trying to pay their way through school? He feels like he "can't do it" because he has not seen anyone around him doing it. His one friend who is in a similar situation has fallen into depression/turned to alcohol/etc. I think he needs some inspirational stories/support that he just can't get from us.</p>
<p>I am sure many parents here got through school on their own money, but I think he'd be upset if he found out I posted about this on an internet forum.</p>
<p>It's tempting to get down and let things happen but it's also the worse thing to do at a time like this. He needs to be pro-active about his future. </p>
<p>First step is to go talk to someone in financial aid at his current college. Then he needs to run the figures and see if he can afford to continue at his current college. He may need to transfer to a less expensive college. Or he may need to take a year off to work to earn money. There are a lot of options. Once he has all the information, he can make an informed decision about his future.</p>
<p>He has already gone to the finaid office and cannot receive any money. I think he has "ran the figures" and is finding that without taking out a lot of loans, he just can't do it. I think he feels bitter about the decisions his parents made, is depressed that he has to think about working full-time at 18, etc. I will support him in whatever he does but I feel like without the help of someone who has been through what he is going through, it will just be too tempting for him to drop out and never come back.</p>
<p>Working as an RA in a dorm can be a great way to drastically reduce expenses and learn a lot about all aspects of college life. At the UCs, RAs get free room and board, and the hourly commitment each week is not significant.</p>
<p>I would also go back to the financial aid office and talk to someone else. The college does not want to lose students, and they will have plenty of experience with students in his situation.</p>
<p>BF has considered this but finding a job as an RA at my school is EXTREMELY competitive because on-campus housing options are so few, especially for upper-classmen. He was waitlisted this year and eventually turned down. He'll apply again for next year but he can't rely on that...</p>
<p>I think he knows how he can do it - old fashioned hard work, taking off school for a year, etc. but he just wishes he knew of other people who went that route and succeeded.</p>
<p>(He went to the finaid office twice - was treated extremely harshly both times, came back almost in tears! This is consistent with stories of other students at the school. It is a state school, they are stingy!)</p>
<p>Edited: Ah, nevermind...</p>
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He has already gone to the finaid office and cannot receive any money. I think he has "ran the figures" and is finding that without taking out a lot of loans, he just can't do it.
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The finaid office s/b able to help him figure out how to pay for his college expenses even if it's in the form of loans, work/study, etc. He shouldn't go there with the expectation that he'll get 'free money' - i.e. grants.</p>
<p>Is he living at home? If not, this would be one way to reduce expenses considerably even if it means he has to transfer to a closer state school.</p>
<p>When I went to college I fully supported myself by working (a lot) while pursuing an engineering degree and used loans to pay for tuition and paid those loans off once I graduated. Lots of people go this route.</p>
<p>I think he knows how to pay for it...work...save...etc.</p>
<p>He is afraid of taking out too many loans, though...</p>
<p>Family situation is not ideal so living at home is not an option for him. He would rather drop out, support himself, and save up to return to college later. However, he has said himself that he is afraid he is the type to just "never want to come back". </p>
<p>That's why I think it's important for him to somehow connect with people in similar situations. Just to feel inspired/motivated/etc.</p>
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He is afraid of taking out too many loans, though...
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<p>He needs to listen to that fear, figure out if it's reality based and proceed from there. Is there a less expensive college he could transfer too?</p>
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...He would rather drop out, support himself, and save up to return to college later. However, he has said himself that he is afraid he is the type to just "never want to come back". ..
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<p>I left and went back. Lots of us do but this board is not primarily geared towards that kind of college student. It's not all or nothing. He can work part-time or full-time and take one or more classes as well.</p>
<p>As he is already attending state uni, it is pretty much the cheapest option that is decent academically. </p>
<p>BF was typical CC student coming into college. Decent grades, tons of AP credit (around 40!), very high standardized test scores. He does extremely well in college, and has taken on high credit loads and received stunning grades in them. As a result, he's considered transferring and trying to get some scholarship money. But he has turned down those offers for some reason. Presumably they didn't offer enough to make it worthwhile, or he has his own reasons. Going to CC/attending part time is difficult decision for him as he is now in his upper level courses/in a competitive program. In addition, his health insurance will no longer cover him if he is not a full-time student...I didn't realize how complex this could really get...</p>
<p>But because he was this type, he has found himself stranded now that he cannot pay. None of his friends understand his financial situation. He has the drive, I know it, but I feel that he needs some kind of support. He cannot get it at home or from friends who have had everything handed to them...I think it is a good decision for him to take a leave of absence and save up for a year. This way, he can stay in his program, get covered by his employer's health insurance (although apparently that takes several months to go into effect; God forbid he gets sick before then!), etc. But in order to want to come back to that stress of never knowing if he'll have enough money, I think he just needs somebody to talk to who has done it before.</p>
<p>One of the limits of the internet is that this will probably read harsh when I mean it as something to think about; you seem very focused on this concept of "support" in determining if he goes back to school or not. </p>
<p>In being a non-traditional student I've had classmates who are wounded vets, single mothers who also work full time and all sorts of other classmates who are moving mountains to get their four year degree. When my husband was in Iraq, there were Marines working on their degrees on-line or via mail during their rare downtime. Far more than any conversation I've ever had with any individual, I find that kind of quiet determination very inspiring. </p>
<p>You friend is a healthy, single man with, as far as you've shared, no other obligations. Yes, it's stressful to not know where the money will come from but it can be done. Does he really need to meet someone face to face to know that? </p>
<p>If he is that concerned that once he leaves, he will not come back then he may want to revisit the question of what is "academically decent." A completed degree from a less prestigious university is a lot more valuable than a degree never finished at a better university.</p>
<p>Bf is young and healthy but that doesn't mean he isn't going through something that most kids on CC could never dream of...and certainly most of his friends couldn't dream of. Family problems are also stressful for him.</p>
<p>I thought hearing the stories of some people who have been in his shoes and succeeded, who found a "point" to getting a college degree DESPITE what other things might be going on in their lives would be something I could do for him. Ex. a soldier doing a degree online, even though he was in the middle of a WAR...or creative stories of how people succeeded and still lived life doing it...just something to cheer him up. Telling him to go to the finaid office, to buckle down, etc. are not things I can do for him because he is already doing those things for himself.</p>
<p>Hence the title of the thread, Inspiring Stories. I was focused on "support" just because I was trying to stay on topic...</p>
<p>I mean I suppose if there is not some other resource I can direct him to it would be nice to hear CC parents' stories...how they managed to pay for college on their own...WHY they thought it was important to complete their degree...where they are now...etc...</p>
<p>I don't think that's such a weird thing to request? I just think it might make him feel more hopeful/improve his mood. He is already doing all he can, practically speaking. But that doesn't mean he is still not a little down about it, and it would hurt to try and cheer him up/motivate him.</p>
<p>Does he have a job right now? That is where he is going to find young people in situations like his - at a job.</p>
<p>Son works a few hours a week at a grocery store for spending money. He has several co-workers who were a year or two ahead of him in high school, working as many hours as they can get, taking a few classes at the local CC, living at home. They aren't working at the store because it's their career goal - they are working there to make money for school. A young woman who graduated last year and who apparently conceived a baby on or around prom night is working at the grocery store and at two other part time jobs to make money for when her baby comes.</p>
<p>Your BF would find all kinds of support from those folks. There are lots of kids in the same boat as he is. </p>
<p>Remember, Jessica Lynch was in Iraq because she joined up to get money for college. So everything your BF does that is less unpleasant than being shot and imprisoned by enemy combatants should be a piece of cake!!!</p>
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I don't think that's such a weird thing to request? I just think it might make him feel more hopeful/improve his mood. He is already doing all he can, practically speaking. But that doesn't mean he is still not a little down about it, and it would hurt to try and cheer him up/motivate him.
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<p>He really does need to hang with some other people, or at least compare his situation with that of the country at large. Find the stats of American students who actually get a college degree - I think it's quite a bit under 50%. If he hangs around his local commuter college, he will probably find that it is not the first choice for a huge percentage of the students. But they are taking the opportunity they have to get their degree.</p>
<p>Missypie, you are wise. </p>
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I thought hearing the stories of some people who have been in his shoes and succeeded, who found a "point" to getting a college degree DESPITE what other things might be going on in their lives would be something I could do for him...
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<p>I understand the second part, the inspiration from others hardships, but no one can provide the "point" for another person's education. That has to come from within. Your friend is either willing to fight for this or he is not. And I want to add that there is nothing wrong with not continuing on with college if it's not his passion. </p>
<p>It's one thing to want to go to college on someone else's dime, it's another to have to pay for it. If your friend has the inner drive, he will find the means to pay for it. And along that road, in working or taking night classes, he'll meet others in the same boat.</p>
<p>I work for a large company. They paid for my MBA. It took a long time because I worked full time and went to school at night, however I now have an MBA from a well known college and no debt. Many people I work with got their BA's and/or Masters degrees the same way. I recommend doing this while you are young and still have the energy (and no kids). There are still companies out there with educational benefits, including colleges themselves. Good luck.</p>
<p>Ok, here's a story. I'm a paraplegic. I was a wildlife biologist (loved field work!) and then an accident left me with paralyzed legs at age 25. Major bummer.
The world keeps turning. I have lived in NYC and saw Broadway shows. Lived in New England and navigated deep snow. Lived in Micronesia and navigated sandy beaches. Have had two great kids, been a Cub Scout Den Leader, visited India (twice!) and am married to a wonderful person. </p>
<p>Recently I read "The Lottery" about a mentally slow man who wins millions -- and he has to figure out what makes him really happy (and, slow that he is, he still kinda figures that everybody who wants to "help" him is not really helping). That led me to do some other reading about lottery winners. Turns out lottery winners are about as happy after they win as they were before. Guess what? People who acquire a disability tend to retain their personalities and levels of happiness as well. </p>
<p>What is really important to BF? It may NOT be getting a college degree -- it might be having a job that he likes and that pays enough that he can do . . . (whatever, snowboarding, bass fishing, guitar refinishing, parrakeet raising). Ask that question! If you can get a job you like WITHOUT the degree, would that be ok by you? If he says "yeah, sure" then maybe the depression comes from the internal anxiety -- no college degree means less respect from GF, but I don't really want to sit in class anymore. . . so now he's in a no-win situation. </p>
<p>The world keeps turning. Encourage good mental health choices (exercise, not too much alcohol, companionship) and let him know that you think he's terrific no matter what path he chooses. Good luck.</p>
<p>I am just at a loss for how to support him I guess...</p>
<p>Me and all of our friends have been hounding, don't leave college, you can't leave college, get a job, we'll get jobs, scholarships, other schools, whatever, we can help you.</p>
<p>One day I realized this might be sending the wrong message and I said, but if you want to work that's ok too (long story short). And he got mad, said he didn't want to leave school, he didn't want to have to worry about these things.</p>
<p>I don't think he knows what he wants.</p>
<p>And truth is, how many college kids really do know what they want?? College is certainly not my "passion". It's something I do because people told me I had to...sure, I like learning, I know it'll help me find a job, etc. but college is not something to be passionate about like music, books, or other things. </p>
<p>But I guess the last poster was right...I have to just admit that I don't know what the point of college is, for him, or for anybody else. Most people don't know. Sure, stats say it's useful but in the end, if he wants to go back he can always go back I guess...for now...do I just leave it be? I would never respect him less for choosing a path that HE felt made him successful, whether that's work, college, whatever. But I don't want him to make a decision he doesn't want to make, because he feels like he only has one option/he's not strong enough to choose the one he really wants. I know he can do anything.</p>