<p>Wow! So much activity on this one! I had to go to my non tablet PC to reply. </p>
<p>I don’t like “bribery” and “make” in the title, but other than that, never say never! In my practice, and in my home, I use incentives instead of punishment, to shape new and difficult behavior.</p>
<p>Kids and situations are SO different! My kids are SO different! If I’d only had my D, I would have thought I was the best parent in the world! Her peers and her drive motivate her; fortunately she was driven to peers who wanted things I like. I could never incent her to play sports. OTOH, while he’s no dummy, my son is not the kind of kid who can keep his eye on a prize like “learning”, long enough for it to drive good academic behavior. But he gets immediate reinforcement for even a modicum of effort at sports, will work hard at it when he is successful, and can excel in an area where D NEVER could.</p>
<p>I have probably offered both kids incentives for academic effort, but for my D, the reward is allowing her to participate in scads of extracurriculars. She does not care much for material things. I wonder how to get her to be more physically active, and we have offered to pay for a private trainer at her college, but by age 17 or so, most behaviors might be influenced, but are beyond a parents control.</p>
<p>My son, OTOH, you have to incent toi keep still (and this is after more than ten years of ritalin and the like). He is also a very expensive kid! At 16, my goal is to help him understand that his current achievements will NOT get him the life to which he has been accustomed. Sometimes monetary bribes seem to work for him in that context, but I think they are more appropriate for certain academic skills at this point, and effort more than grades. Further, I would like a way to translate into a conversation about what we will be willing to “invest” in college for him.</p>