<br>
<br>
<p>No–that’s just a good excuse to eat out. We like to eat out (or at least get ice cream) after the kids’ concerts or to celebrate an honor received. It’s a good family bonding moment and says “atta boy” for all of your efforts.</p>
<p>We never were bribed or rewarded for our grades & never did that to/for our kids either. I’m quite sure it would not have worked–either when I was growing up or for my kids. The good thing is both of my kids love learning–what THEY want to learn (unfortunately it doesn’t always co-incide with what the instructor wants them to show they learned). It still has worked well enough–everyone in my family graduated from college & 6 of the 7 of us also got graduate degrees. My kids are happy & earning grades that satisfy them at a college where they’re both very happy.</p>
<p>We also enjoy going out to dinner to celebrate end of term or whatever other excuse we can come up with :)</p>
<p>We “rewarded” our kids, not for individual grades, but for the quality of the report card at the end of the term. Like some of you said, we felt it was more of a bonus than a bribe. On the other hand, I admit that I bribed D2 for a couple of years to practice her instrument. I was so sick of the endless fight every evening that I ended up clocking practice time instead. I paid her for every hour over 5 hours a week. Did it work? Absolutely. It made my evenings much more restful, and she improved dramatically. In fact, after a few months, she was working for herself rather than for the bribe, but it seemed unfair to break the contract and this provided her with extra pocket money which became increasingly useful as she got older, all the more so as those practice hours were generally being spent by her friends baby-sitting for their pocket money.</p>
<p>Hmmm. Bribery can help a decent student do a little better. I doubt bribery can produce very good, intellectual students who can end up at excellent universities to do wonderful things. That takes a degree of intrinsic interest in academics.</p>
<p>Im relieved to read that this could be viewed as a hypothetical, because there are so many things wrong IMO with the statement.</p>
<p>1- grades are a subjective determination of worth, and doesn’t necessarily have much to do with effort expended or value gained.</p>
<p>2- Im assuming that the subject is an older child , and it has been my experience that once you can’t physically pick them up- you really can’t * make them* do anything.</p>
<p>3- it is also assuming that the high grades are something that the parent wants not the child- which is backasswards.</p>
<p>It is the child who benefits from working hard and learning something, not the observer…</p>
<p>I didn’t use bribery with mykids- I believed in logical conseqences- although sometimes I did admit that they might need a little extra motivation to persist at a task.</p>
<p>For example- when my daughter changed schools from one that she had been attending since she was 3 to a completely different school away from her friends when she was 8, I bought her a beanie baby every week for a few months. Not that this really motivated her to change her perspective, but I hoped that it would show her, that I knew it was very difficult and I wanted to acknowledge that in a tangible way, because I also knew it would take time before she started to acclimate to the new school.</p>
<p>But I didn’t use treats sold at the counter to get them through the grocery store checkout line, and I didn’t give allowance for chores.
They received allowance so they would learn to manage money and to be able to make choices- but they did chores because that is part of living as a group.</p>
<p>Paying money for grades is meaningless. It might take one kid 50 hours studying for a test to get a B, but another 10 hours and they get an A.</p>
<p>But for example if you and your child both decide that a difficult stinky class, is the needed for their interest/grad reqs- they may have a hard time focusing on long term reward when it is far off- and need a little extra incentive to stick it through.
So paying for something that they want, like driving lessons or a new foil, could be reasonable depending on your own resources and how much motivation you gauge they actually need.
but handing over money- no.</p>
<p>Im relieved to read that this could be viewed as a hypothetical, because there are so many things wrong IMO with the statement.</p>
<p>1- grades are a subjective determination of worth, and doesn’t necessarily have much to do with effort expended or value gained.</p>
<p>2- Im assuming that the subject is an older child , and it has been my experience that once you can’t physically pick them up- you really can’t * make them* do anything.</p>
<p>3- it is also assuming that the high grades are something that the parent wants not the child- which is backasswards.</p>
<p>It is the child who benefits from working hard and learning something, not the observer…</p>
<p>I didn’t use bribery with mykids- I believed in logical conseqences- although sometimes I did admit that they might need a little extra motivation to persist at a task.</p>
<p>For example- when my daughter changed schools from one that she had been attending since she was 3 to a completely different school away from her friends when she was 8, I bought her a beanie baby every week for a few months. Not that this really motivated her to change her perspective, but I hoped that it would show her, that I knew it was very difficult and I wanted to acknowledge that in a tangible way, because I also knew it would take time before she started to acclimate to the new school.</p>
<p>But I didn’t use treats sold at the counter to get them through the grocery store checkout line, and I didn’t give allowance for chores.
They received allowance so they would learn to manage money and to be able to make choices- but they did chores because that is part of living as a group.</p>
<p>Paying money for grades is meaningless. It might take one kid 50 hours studying for a test to get a B, but another 10 hours and they get an A.</p>
<p>But for example if you and your child both decide that a difficult stinky class, is the needed for their interest/grad reqs- they may have a hard time focusing on long term reward when it is far off- and need a little extra incentive to stick it through.
So paying for something that they want, like driving lessons or a new foil, could be reasonable depending on your own resources and how much motivation you gauge they actually need.
but handing over money- no.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree completely. One of the best things about my kids’ schools is the comments that teachers have to write about the students. While my younger D is a solid B student there is a great deal of pride in reading she consistently tries to raise the level of her work, is a positive influence in the class and has her homework done on time. It is very difficult to be the younger sibling of a kid that to whom school and academics come relatively easily. I try to be sensitive when we tell the honors kid that he could be working harder when the younger isn’t in honors but is a hard working and serious student none the less.</p>
<p>As for bribes… that wasn’t in the cards because for one, I have always believed that doing well should be internally motivated. However, whomever said that one kid never needed bribes and one couldn’t be bribed has probably more accurately described our situation between all three of our kids. Mostly, we have always just rewarded effort, because all you can ever ever do is your best. And by reward that means added freedoms, more trusting in how they balance their time, staying off their backs about checking facebook, or playing any kind of video games. I have watched my younger D work her tail off and cry over getting the C on the exam when she honestly thought she had done far better. How can I ever demand A’s from someone who consistently gives it her all.</p>
<p>As I like to say… everyone has issues and while academics may be her brother’s strength, she has strengths that he only wishes he had and he is proud of her in a myriad of ways. That seems to help because she adores him completely.</p>
<p>Wow! So much activity on this one! I had to go to my non tablet PC to reply. </p>
<p>I don’t like “bribery” and “make” in the title, but other than that, never say never! In my practice, and in my home, I use incentives instead of punishment, to shape new and difficult behavior.</p>
<p>Kids and situations are SO different! My kids are SO different! If I’d only had my D, I would have thought I was the best parent in the world! Her peers and her drive motivate her; fortunately she was driven to peers who wanted things I like. I could never incent her to play sports. OTOH, while he’s no dummy, my son is not the kind of kid who can keep his eye on a prize like “learning”, long enough for it to drive good academic behavior. But he gets immediate reinforcement for even a modicum of effort at sports, will work hard at it when he is successful, and can excel in an area where D NEVER could.</p>
<p>I have probably offered both kids incentives for academic effort, but for my D, the reward is allowing her to participate in scads of extracurriculars. She does not care much for material things. I wonder how to get her to be more physically active, and we have offered to pay for a private trainer at her college, but by age 17 or so, most behaviors might be influenced, but are beyond a parents control.</p>
<p>My son, OTOH, you have to incent toi keep still (and this is after more than ten years of ritalin and the like). He is also a very expensive kid! At 16, my goal is to help him understand that his current achievements will NOT get him the life to which he has been accustomed. Sometimes monetary bribes seem to work for him in that context, but I think they are more appropriate for certain academic skills at this point, and effort more than grades. Further, I would like a way to translate into a conversation about what we will be willing to “invest” in college for him.</p>
<p>I do bribe them, 3 square meals a day.</p>
<p>Get a car? Hmmm…I suppose if my grades dropped significantly I wouldn’t be able to drive my 2000 dodge caravan to school. Usually parents (not mine) go with money for each A their son or daughter receives not a car. It’s ridiculous either way. One should not have to be bribed to want to learn.</p>
<p>forget that, stuck… bribe them!
bribe them like there’s no tomorrow!</p>
<p>most people forget one crucial step, though…
remember to give them a taste of what they’re going to be rewarded with BEFORE they have to perform… let them lick the spoon, but keep the cake in the fridge til report cards come around…</p>