<p>I LOVE the parent’s section on CC -you can learn so much from others’ mistakes !</p>
<p>I’d like to think that out of financial necessity, i.e. not being able to afford $50K/year schools, there are many, many more universities on the Parents Forum radar than ever before, which is a great thing. When I joined CC in 2004, I felt that that discussion was heavily skewed towards both coasts, the Ivies, and the ‘boutique’ Ivies like Kenyon, Grinnell, and the like.</p>
<p>Now the UC’s are an admissions nightmare even for Californians & the Eastern Bloc of schools like NYU (with rare aid) are basically unaffordable for a higher & higher percentage of Americans, even relatively wealthy ones. The admissions rate of Ivies are at or below 10%, and the boutique schools are like the Emperor’s New Clothes–fine back then as a backstop for Ivy wannabes/rejects, but now that NOBODY can afford it…THIS school is worth $50K/year?! Right…</p>
<p>Good, solid publics in the $20K-$30K per year range–still a lot of money, don’t get me wrong–are the new ‘hard to get into’ schools for savvy parents. There are a lot more debates here on financial merits & value rather than prestige & panache. All a good thing, so that parents of rising HS sophomores & juniors can get cogent, comparative information here that they can’t get from their HS guidance counselor.</p>
<p>I love CC – it’s been a wealth of information. What’s depressing is skyrocketing cost of college and the debt students and their parents are willing to take on.</p>
<p>I’m thrilled that I found CC, even though it was a little late for my oldest. I still feel like I find new info or a fresh perspective every day on some topic or another.</p>
<p>Let me tell you what CC has done for me – You know how every spring you get the occasional graduation announcement from a distant friend (usually a former neighbor for us in the military), distant relative, etc.? To be brutally honest, I used to be sort of arrogant about these. I would read them and sneer about the fact that someone’s kid had “only” gone to the state university. Now, I find myself wondering why they in fact chose that school and how much they paid and whether or not they have any debt!</p>
<p>We received one yesterday from a friend whose child had managed to finished with honors at a state university AND receive a master’s degree – all in four years! You had better believe I jumped on the computer to see what other programs that university had, and how much it cost and all that other relevant stuff. It turned out that the school this girl attended has GREAT merit aid for out of state students, a top-ranked Honors College and a highly ranked program in the major my son is interested in. (It’s now on his list, and we’re hoping to visit soon.)</p>
<p>I’m sort of ashamed to think that a few years ago I would have dismissed it with “so and so’s kid only went to the University of XYZ, instead of Wellesley or Smith.” Makes me wonder what ELSE I’ve been missing out on over the years! Thanks CC for teaching me what questions I should ACTUALLY be asking (and it ain’t: Whatever will my colleagues at the country club think when I tell them that Mindy will be attending the University of Central Florida?)</p>
<p>Most of the time, CC is great, and has been an invaluable resource. I am however often stunned at the level of hostility and meanness of some posters, especially on threads that are fairly benign. And I’m sure these people wouldn’t say these things to someone in real life, but with the anonymity of the web, they feel free to let loose.</p>
<p>But in terms of college advice and advice on many other topics, I have found many valuable insights and resources.</p>
<p>People have bad days sometimes. On the internet it is hard to tell if someone is kidding or not. People who are snarky all the time usually leave after a while because other posters wouldn’t put up with it.</p>
<p>On the other hand I have read posts that were incredibly kind, helpful and supportive.</p>
<p>Yes, me too. CC is more responsible than any of my kids, or their guidance counselors, or I am for building the right lists of potential schools - lists that left each kid with affordable options they were excited about. Folks may snark all they like about bragging parents (and I’m not fond of certain posters who are overachievers in that regard), but those bragging posts helped me to see just what a big world it is out there, and how very many exceptionally talented kids there truly are. Without CC, we’d have had Ivy-heavy lists that we couldn’t have afforded without major financial consequences, even IF the kids got in.</p>
<p>And regarding post 51 - sometimes there’s a need for a “dislike” button as well. When someone finds this forum incredibly repetitive, populated by long-winded, condescending posters who promulgate pure bunk - well, sounds as if it’s time to move on to a less annoying group.</p>
<p>(And it’s not “plain nosey” to inquire about SAT scores, EFCs, and family income here when trying to provide helpful advice, really. In the grocery store, yes.)</p>
<p>No I don’t think it is depressing at all but it might be my personality flaw. I joined later in the game like other posters have done. I don’t think I would change much about how we went about the college selection. </p>
<p>I think CC is eye opening for many parents. I knew I was not going to go into debt to send my kid/kids to college so we didn’t allow d1 to apply to any college that wasn’t a financial safety. This translated to only state colleges. It has always been about the money for me. DD’s major is one that can be taught well at any college. I have two more to get through college. Since they are twins, I am planning to make even more of an effort to get them some good choices for the money because paying two college tuitions for the 4 years is going to be rough.</p>
<p>CC posts that are too critical and judgmental are depressing to me because I know am inadequate in many ways and often feel bad about my failings. So I hate it when a poor mom or dad comes on here desperate for help and gets dumped on by the perfect ones. Some of us are good at earning and saving money, others excel at helping our children achieve academically, still others are pros at producing top athletes or musicians or save-the-world-ers, still others are great at turning out really nice kids with lots of friends and relatives who love them. Some parents seem to do it all, and some parents succeed at none of that. The latter may be all their fault, partly their fault, all their chld’s fault, partly their child’s fault, or no one’s fault at all. But we can’t possibly judge someone’s life and shouldn’t try.</p>
<p>When my hard-working youngest goes to apply to college, she will have none of the accomplishments of her siblings and our savings will have been largely spent on the older ones’ college bills. Yet if anything, I’ve been a better parent to her than to the older ones, and have worked harder to help her succeed. </p>
<p>So, I feel bad when posts like #55 get blasted. Yes, a child whose parents are legitimately unable to pay can attend the top schools with great FA. But here’s the thing–those students have to manage to get admitted, which is not an easy feat for anyone. So if the parent hasn’t saved for whatever reason (and it isn’t always due to a moral failing), and their child is merely average (like most are), the prospects are scary and sometimes sad.</p>
<p>Great post, TheGFG! </p>
<p>I’ve learned a great deal here, and for that I’m always thankful for CC. </p>
<p>I find it extraordinary when posters jump all over people who admit to being surprised at the cost of college. Honestly, I’m a well educated, newspaper reading, magazine subscribing, consult Consumer Reports before making major purchases sort of person, and I spent many years of marriage and parenthood saving for a number of things, three of which were 529 accounts. But I wasn’t paying much attention to the explosion of college tuition prices. Mostly, I think, because as a military family I couldn’t assume where we would be living at the time of college applications. But also partly because I was just busy living my life.</p>
<p>For any Internet stranger, no matter how much we open up to each other here on CC, to have the gall to chastise another poster for not saving enough for their children’s colleges is puzzling. </p>
<p>Are there really that many families who have had the luck, yes LUCK, foresight, and wealth to save $600,000 for college in twenty years? (4 years of college x $50,000 per year x 3 kids) That seems to be a somewhat common expectation here. “Well, WE were able to pay full freight by foregoing all vacations, driving clunkers, and living in a paper bag in the middle of the road since the day we got married…”. </p>
<p>Even assuming your three children would attend instate schools would require saving something around $20,000 per year x 3 kids x 4 years = $240,000. Still a lot for many people to accumulate.</p>
<p>So yes, sometimes I find our attitudes on CC depressing and condescending.</p>
<p>I am a new college adviser, and have found CC to be a wealth of information, especially in the area of financial aid. I have used CC to help as my sons have looked for various schools, to plan college tours, to understand audition processes and technical aspects of colleges. Most importantly now are the insights by “experts” in various regions I might not be able to visit, about hidden gems and financial successes. The common sense approach, by and large, to helping students succeed far exceeds the “venting” posts or those a little too proud of their childrens’ successes. Even those…all of them…TEACH.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This. I think CC is an amazing reality check for those of us parents who had no idea how much things have changed since our own college days. Not only is college much more expensive - the colleges themselves have changed. I think that the quality (or is it just the reputation?) of many schools has dramatically improved over the past 30 years.</p>
<p>For example, I grew up in NC. Back in the day, schools like UNC-Asheville and Elon were either way below the radar or just not well thought of, at least in my part of the state.</p>
<p>I’m one of those kids (now a grownup) whose parents paid full freight for us by forgoing all vacations, restaurant meals, new clothes, home repairs, etc. We basically lived in a drafty house that didn’t get heated particularly well in the winter, hot as heck in the summer, were embarassed to bring people home to visit (including my fiance who almost broke off the engagement when he saw the place). My mother also wore really old clothes, didn’t dye her hair, we didn’t even own a couch! While it’s great that my parents devoted so many resources to education, I really didn’t want to do what they did to my kids. I wanted my kids to be dressed decently, have visited some places in the country, to have a house they were proud to have friends over at, etc. There’s actually a lot more to life than just paying for college.</p>
<p>fauve, I don’t know what world you live in. Try saving money on less than 60,000 a year and colleges are most certainly NOT letting kids with those incomes for free. You might heear that but it is NOT true.</p>
<p>Absolutely agree with GFG. Mary1963 recently posted her anger about admissions process, and several posters said: it’s all your fault. She felt bad enough – why make her feel worse?</p>
<p>We all know people who have made foolish financial decisions and have neglected their children’s educational and extra-curricular development. It’s hard not to judge them for it when they whine about college admissions results–especially the ones who clearly spent money like water all along and then complain they have no savings for college. I’m no saint and don’t have much sympathy for them either. But I don’t think that posts like #55 give us enough info. to justify meanness, that’s all. Indeed, can meanness ever be justified?</p>
<p>The only problem with post #55 was the unfortunate “lucky enough to have saved” comment. Although it probably wasn’t intended to be an insult, it did wave a red flag in the face of those folks who have worked really hard and sacrificed to save for their life obligations, even at less than $60K/year. If that line had been omitted, I don’t think we would have seen the same response.</p>
<p>It seems that no matter how much income folks have and how much they have tried to plan and save, the college admissions & financing is a shock to many, many students, parents & families. I know the folks I am friendly with who have no college-age kids in their lives (or pre-college or recently post college) have NO IDEA what the costs & pressures are like.</p>
<p>The qualifications of the students keep escalating, as do the costs, which makes it ever tougher to save enough and have good enough grades, test scores and ECs. It is an incredible shock to many when they learn what the ballpark costs are for colleges–state Us and even more for private Us and higher still for many grad & professional schools.</p>
<p>I feel for everyone going through this. Many, many here are very good-hearted and try their best to prevent families and kids from taking on crushing debt that many feel is one of their few options. I wish there were more and better options for everyone and try to help folks explore those.</p>
<p>I really think people do not realize that there are many, many fine CCs throughout the US that can offer great courses at very low cost and often very conveniently. It can offer certificates, degrees and/or transfer to higher ed. We were pleasantly surprised at D’s reaction, which turned from embarassment to appreciation at the education she got at her CC. Most of her credits did transfer and allow her to take the courses she really wanted, since she got a lot of the general ed courses out of the way.</p>
<p>Most of the folks in the parents & parents cafe forum are very nice & knowledgable, supporting one another and trying to help folks avoid crushing debt.</p>