I think there are lots of kids who start in PE and rec leagues, figure out they like it, and then move on to more serious teams. That’s my kid. Not saying that he’s playing in college, but I don’t see why that path, would be less likely to lead to college than being pushed into club at 6.
But for lax, the numbers of players are lower, because it requires special equipment, and someone has to introduce it at home.
Thanks!
OK, back! Where to even start?
Here’s a few basics that I’ve learned over the years:
Keep it fun!!! Guard against burnout We always took the summer off from organized soccer completely, up until after 9th grade when my son began attending college ID camps.
Kind of related to #1 - find a way for your child to play pick up, or in the yard. I strongly feel that a place to try things, to mess up and have it not matter at all etc (plus – fun!) is important.
In soccer, confidence is everything. If you believe you can win the ball, you’ll try. Don’t “overface” your child – they need to be on a team where they are playing, and where the coach builds players up vs tears them down.
The cream rises to the top. This is what my husband had to tell me when my son was cut from his club team at 12. If he’s good, he will be found.
Hard work pays off. This is SUCH an important lesson to be learned. I saw kids have setbacks, and the parent blamed the coach instead of saying “work harder”.
At any age, coaches want to win (this is good and bad). But if a player is really good, the coach is going to play them because they want to win. If they aren’t playing a kid, it’s usually because they aren’t one of the strongest players. Refer back to #5 
Make sure your player is rotated through all the different positions when they are younger. My son was not, and I think he would have been even better if he had been.
Let the player drive the bus. They have to want to play at a higher level, or practice, or go to a pick up game. (That said, as a parent you can help, by finding that pick up game, or figuring out the best club to go to).
I always told my son the outcome didn’t matter. (sacrilege to some!). If you played as hard as you could, and did your best, then there was nothing to be upset about, even if you lost. Conversely, if you didn’t try hard and play your best, you shouldn’t be happy, even if you won. That was what mattered, not the score.
I don’t know if this is the sort of thing you were interested in – and I’d love to hear others chime in with what they’ve learned over the years!
Hard work is not a replacement for skill or passion.
Might be tough to find a coach who will let a player rotate positions.
Requesting to rotate positions may result in player being benched regardless of talent level. Depends upon the mindset of the coaches. Our coaches for the all-star travelling team were intense professional soccer players who did not tolerate suggestions which might “question” their judgment or authority.
@publisher, in my experience you need passion in order to be willing to put in the work. And hard work will 100% increase anyone’s skill level. Will that be d1 college material, maybe not, but that’s not the point.
High level players want to be the best player they can be.
I recall an overweight, slow kid on the u13 team with only average skills. He never started… He was on the “C” team. But that kid wanted it. Over the years he worked his way up to the A team, and will be playing in college.
When my son was cut, a high level coach told me he could always tell the kids who were going to go far. It wasn’t the ones with most talent, it was the ones with the most drive.
Of course the best combination is high drive and high talent.
Finally, if a coach won’t rotate a 10 year old, or 11, find a new coach.
ETA my posts are directed at the OP, who I believe has a 12 year old (or younger?) soccer player, who is not playing club soccer. I agree, once you get to 13 years old or so, rotation through positions, and players need to work for playing time, it isn’t equal then. But before 13, ideally playing time is relatively equal.
Never asserted that hard work was not important; I wrote that hard work is not a substitute for skill or passion. Soccer is a very competitive sport with a low threshold for entrance.
When they are younger, this is easier. And some coaches do this in practice., just to give players perspective. I played college lax and played d – the practices when I played forward really gave me a lot of insight into my own defensive position.
My kid was playing midfield when he started high school because he was a good all-rounder and could run forever. His Sophomore year, his coach had him play back, mostly because that worked best with the personnel he had. And he ended up with college roster offers in that position. It really was the perfect place for him, helped by the fact that he had growth spurt and ended up quite tall.
Not in Atlanta. Very intense.
Cannot find a new coach or team in the middle of a season.
I do understand that individual experiences can & do vary, but some leagues are more intense than others–even at ages 10, 11, & 12 years old.
My post is just to share that universal advice is not always applicable to each situation even though well intended.
P.S. This thread leads me to recall some of my own experiences in soccer. During high school, went to a camp in New England at a private prep boarding school in Connecticut. The New England based players complained to the professional soccer player coaches that I played too rough–but did not commit any fouls. The coaches benched me. Didn’t last long after our coach learned of this. So,maybe, soccer is a bit more gentle (less aggressive) sport in some parts of the country. (In two years as a starting centerfielder/midfielder–I forget the position name–I do not recall ever getting a yellow card/called for making a foul.)
I have a different view on the comment : “Confidence is everything.”
I participated in a lot of sports throughout my school years. Did very well in several sports. If I had to make a broad statement, it might be that fear is an important factor in sports. Fear sometimes shows as confidence, but fear gets the adrenaline flowing in a way that confidence does not.
Body type & skills should determine one’s position in soccer. Hard to imagine a wing playing fullback/defender or as a goalie just as most other positions should not play wing due to the need for speed.
The biggest difference that I noticed between D-III (Northeastern US) level players & D-I (SEC & Big 10) level participants in multiple sports was confidence versus fear/humility.
This wins the internet today!
@Publisher My son is a goalkeeper that convinced his coaches he could help the team score goals if subbed in as a striker during games in which he didn’t start in net. He ended the season tied for 2nd place in scoring on his team. 
@Sportsball How old is your son, and in which part of the country do you live in? That info will help me make suggestions.
He’s almost 11, we live in the MidAtlantic.
At 11 years old it’s difficult to project the true trajectory of male soccer players. Speaking from experience, encourage your son to play any and all sports you’re willing to help juggle games and practices for. Specializing at this age is counterproductive. Traditional American sports emphasize hand-eye coordination which benefits goalkeepers. Additionally, have your son continue to play out as a field player. Foot skills have become a priority for high level goalkeeping. The more comfortable and proficient he becomes with a ball at his feet, the more he’ll stand out.
At his age I’d suggest the cheapest, most convenient soccer that offers decent coaching. In the next 12-18 months if he indicates that he wants to be challenged more you can begin to pursue higher quality coaching and more intense competition.
Thank you everyone!
I have more questions! I hope that’s OK.
For clarification, I don’t know that my kid will play any sport in college, or that he’ll want to play any sport in college. I know he wants to play now, and that he’s better regulated, and sleeps better, and is happier when he spends a lot of time being physically active with other kids. Since, I think it’s possible he’ll feel that way when he’s 18 too, I’d like to avoid doing things that “close doors” without setting playing in college as an expectation if that makes sense. So, I have some questions.
I hear about overtraining as a problem a lot. He’s swimming and playing baseball and some other stuff right now, because I’ve heard that advice, but he’s still going to 1 time a week GK practice with his club, and he’s been going to 1 time a week pick up games organized by another club. Should I stop that? What about stuff he does on his own – like pick up games with the neighbors or juggling and stuff he learns off youtube? Is that all OK?
We’re lucky that way, in that we’re in a neighborhood where there are lots of kids to play with, and soccer and basketball are the two sports that seem universal enough that they get played a lot.
I feel as though this is the place where I get the most confusing advice. He only played fall rec before the pandemic, and then after a year of just backyard soccer played rec this spring. When we looked for a team for the fall, lots of people told me there was no way a kid could jump from rec to travel this late. Like we’d ruined his soccer aspirations forever. But then the same people, or the same type of people when the see him play tell me he “needs” travel, and I’m doing him a great disservice by not letting him play on the highest level team he can make. I’m confident for right now that what we chose for the fall (a professionally coached team, with a dedicated goalkeeper practice one a week, but at the select level where they don’t travel and just play other kids in our county) is right for this year, but is there a point where having high level opponents really is needed?
I do worry about this. He is very confident, and absolutely fearless. I understand the latter is a big part of why he’s a good goalkeeper.
One of the things we looked for when picking a team was a coach who promised he could play the field too. I think this is going to be a challenge, because right now he’s the only kid on his team who likes goal.
Any coach that pigeonholes a player into net at 11 or 12 should be avoided. Honestly, I’d overpay to avoid that, but that’s just me.
All the unstructured neighborhood play is an excellent way to spend free time. Basketball is great for goalkeepers BTW. I’d also recommend tennis for the footwork it reinforces. The pick up games with a club are fine too, as long as he gets time to run the field, outside the 18 yard box.
As for parents that say club soccer is necessary at his age, there’s a grain of truth there, but it’s certainly not an absolute imperative. Club soccer generally equates to more practices with better coaches and more talented teammates. That should raise the level of intensity during training. That comes at a price, though. If your son consistently practices on his own and continues to play unstructured pick up games as much as possible he could certainly jump to club in a year. That would save money and time for the whole family.
As for goalkeepers, if they aren’t confident they aren’t effective…
I don’t think he’s being pigeonholed. He played a couple games for them this spring, while he was officially still trying out. For one, coach specifically asked if he could play him the whole game because he knew the other team was very good, for the other he played half.
He got offers to jump to travel this year, which makes me skeptical that he needs it. I mean, if he got good enough playing rec and pick up, then I don’t see how a team with a paid coach and a paid GK coach, and more practice won’t keep him good enough. I do assume eventually he’ll want to move up, unless he decides he likes lacrosse better. Now that my mom has put that idea in his head he’s asking to play.
If you live in the mid-Atlantic area, I’m surprised he isn’t already inundated with lax. Best to just get it over with and let him play a season.
My brother’s high school, in suburban Baltimore had something like 14 lax players commit to D1 schools this year. I’m not sure how many seniors they had on the team, but it is unlikely many more than that. It’s really just a way of life there, the way soccer or baseball are in some places.
We’re in a solidly middle class/working class neighborhood, and in the fall he’ll be at our public middle school that’s majority Latinx, so soccer is definitely still the top sport here.
I haven’t, yet, found a lax program that will work around soccer.
Similar situation, but son was not allowed to play any position other than goalie. Very selective process to make team. Coaches did not want any parent or player input. Coaches were intense,not friendly, pro soccer players.
Goalies tend to be very athletic individuals &, therefore,could play any of several positions.
For some, playing goalie is unattractive due to the amount of down time.