<p>People in impoverished conditions don’t WANT to be there. No one WANTS to live in the projects. I’m sure many of them wish they were in the same place that your S is in. </p>
<p>However, they aren’t. But as I mentioned, they want to right?</p>
<p>And how exactly do you get there? Through education. </p>
<p>It’s great that you have done so much for your S, but the purpose of AA is to facilitate a means for less priviledged kids to be on the same level as your S. AA is there to provide a means to, over generations, correct the mistakes of the past and become powerful, productive leaders of our society. </p>
<p>Because who knows? Some day that kid will have a family and live in a nice neighborhood with a good school system as well!</p>
<p>The problem is you still are thinking like most parents— my son is being penalized.</p>
<p>The reality is that this is not true. Other people’s children are being rewarded.</p>
<p>The thing is—those privileged kids who put in their best effort, if they apply to enough schools, I don’t think just get shut out by everything and end up at last-choice by virtue of being white. There are PLENTY of privileged kids of all races at the top schools. While Brown has striven for diversity and to accept those who, as you describe, did “somersaults”, a lot of people are people just like your son. My friends from high school all fall into the category you’re describing–the type who have to do “handstands” to get in—and did handstands we did. My friends basically all ended up with admissions to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, MIT, Brown, Cornell, CalTech, Duke, etc. We didn’t get into everything—we also got rejected from a mix of these. But we had an outstanding education, we ran with it, we did our best, and for the most part ended up at fine institutions. A couple went to our state university because they didn’t apply to many (I had one friend who basically applied to just MIT and our state school. And he’s now at our local state school, happily majoring in Computer Science and looking forward to a future well-paid job at Google/Microsoft/Apple/etc.), but we did fine. Yeah maybe he won’t get into his first choice school or schools. But if his accomplishments are as good as you say they are, and he applies to enough colleges, it’s not like he’s doomed to not attend a “top” college if he so chooses, however you define that. </p>
<p>We’re talking your son MAYBE not getting into his first choice(you haven’t even done admissions yet. He might get into his first choice!), but still getting a really good education, as your worst case scenario. Another unprivileged individual gets a chance at success that will change his/her life. The only real price you’re paying, in my opinion, is not his ability to get a top notch college education, but just the added uncertainty over which one it’ll be until admissions is done. Which is anxiety-provoking, yes, but if that’s one of your larger worries, consider yourself lucky. </p>
<p>“the whole feel of a homogeneous college with no diversity is very unappealing and bland to me”
–And wouldn’t be nearly as enriching to your son either. But, they unfortunately do have to “lower” their standards for SAT scores/grades, etc. in order to add that diversity. Because, like I said, it’s near impossible to do well at tennis in our district (because it rains. all. the. time.) if you don’t have membership at our local gyms—and the local gyms are very $$$. We’re talking thousands of dollars just to join initially. My family can’t afford it–I never made varsity.</p>
<p>luv2plant–thanks and good luck with the process. I’ve been through it with two kids and their friends, and it does seem to end up well enough for all of them. Its hard not to overworry in the thick of it, but a little long view thinking will get you through it. Its really not a swim meet, with gold silver and bronze, even though it might feel like it sometimes. Its more like a big crazy game of musical chairs, except, unlike those birthday parties you might remember, there really are enough chairs for everyone.</p>
<p>luv2plant–thank you so very much for being really courteous and calm in this discussion. I was afraid at first when you posted and I replied that this would turn into an internet brawl (as does happens sometimes when we discuss touchy subjects), so I really do appreciate your open-mind in this. I know it’s difficult because he’s your first-born and the college admissions frenzy has been blown out of proportion. </p>
<p>“Its really not a swim meet, with gold silver and bronze, even though it might feel like it sometimes. Its more like a big crazy game of musical chairs, except, unlike those birthday parties you might remember, there really are enough chairs for everyone.”</p>
<p>–This is a really good analogy. I think people like to work into a frenzy about how it’s “so much more competitive” these days than it used to be, and sure, it is, but it’s not as bad I think as it’s been made out to be. </p>
<p>On a side note:</p>
<p>For fun one spring break I gave tours at Brown and at the end of the tour I’d let them know that tour as sponsored by Brown was over, but I had one last thing to say to them as an individual with a pulpit. Most stuck around to listen to me:
—One year out after the hubris is over and everyone is settled into their colleges, if you ask people how they’re doing, they usually love the school they’re at. And with my friends I have two contrasting anecdotes.
Girl A didn’t get into the top colleges she applied to, and ended up going to our state school(her safety). She had the chance at waiting lists, but turned most of them. “Forget it,” she said, “I’m going to be a proud <em>mascot</em>”(<em>mascot</em> is the mascot of our state school). “<em>mascot</em> pride!” and she went into it with a positive and excited attitude and loves college. She and I are still in touch, but don’t get a chance to speak often, because she and I are both super busy and involved in our college communities.
Girl B didn’t get into the top colleges she applied to and ended up going to one of her state schools. She went in miserable and bitter over the process because other individuals who she felt were “less qualified” than her had gotten in while she had not. Our entire freshman year she and I were on eggshells, even though I was one of her closest friends. Whenever I mentioned anything positive about my college experience, she would ream me out for “shoving it in her face”, even if it wasn’t necessarily something that pertained to Brown itself. She spent a lot of time talking about how much she hated it. She looked down on her peers. She didn’t really make friends her freshman year and alienated most of her friends back home. </p>
<p>Attitude is everything.</p>
<p>The way I see it: each class is like casting a show. They need a number of different parts for diversity’s sake, and they will cast the best person to play each role. Simple as that.</p>
<p>stars, I think of it the same way.</p>
<p>I don’t know, people had me worrying a lot about Affirmative Action when I was applying, and…well, I <em>am</em> a spoiled rich white girl. Hell, I’m a JAP. But I got in.</p>
<p>I’m not rich, but I am a white Jewish kid from an overrepresented area that went to a strong public school and I got in with stats lower than some people on this page and higher than others. People are not kidding when they say it’s about hook and fit.</p>
<p>Hey, thank you everyone. I appreciate the honesty and the new way to look at this whole admissions thing! I like the ‘casting a show’ analogy and I like the ‘gymnastics team’ analogy as well. I usually give baseball analogies (especially when I talk to my son who is YES a baseball player) but in this case guess it alluded me. </p>
<p>With this whole college admissions thing (here goes) I suppose one has to get in the batters box and just start swinging hoping to land a big hit. The next batter may only walk but who knows-- could end up scoring as well. Either way, the team benefits from the runs regardless of how they got them. And the power hitter may be just as beneficial to the team as the singles hitter or the great defensive player, etc. (as long as they all contribute something valuable to the team). Got it!!</p>
<p>I’d rather have Derek Jeter to the plate in a big spot than A-Rod. I think that encapsulates the whole thing.</p>
<p>^^ha ha (me too for sure!)</p>