Is my essay too unorthodox?

College Essays
1

<h2>I picked the question about what local national etc. etc. issues concern you, and well...here it is. Don't judge it on the grammar because this is the very first draft but judge it on the content.</h2>

<p>I have no idea what to write my essay on. Seriously I don’t. I have no interesting events that happened in my life. I really couldn’t care less about my “accomplishments” at school. That isn’t to say that I don’t care about school, it’s just that there’s no one thing that stands out that much. I would love to talk about my political views, but I feel I’d come off as amateurish. Plus I think my topics that I would love to write about would be too controversial (abortion, gay marriage, and marijuana – all of which I would argue to legalize). </p>

<p>What the hell, why not talk about these things? I can always change my essay topic, but if you’re reading this than I suppose I chose not to. So about this abortion thing - it’s pretty controversial, right? (Rhetorical question). Abortion is the only topic which I’m totally pro-choice for yet I can understand why people wouldn’t want to have abortions. Like, I think anyone who is against gay marriage is a bigoted moron and anyone who is against pot legalization is completely ignorant on the entire debate, but I digress. </p>

<p>Abortion is a tricky topic because it is technically “killing” a potential life. I guess I’ll concentrate on this argument and this argument only, because I can go all day on why abortion should be allowed. I’m not even going to go into “It’s killing a human!!” Because I like to keep it simple. OK, back to the potential life part. This is pretty easy to refute: when does that life start? Pro-lifers like to argue that aborting a fetus is killing a potential life. Well, so is masturbating (for a guy) and ovulating. The sperm cells are killed by the freakin’ thousands when a guy masturbates, but I don’t see anyone (well, anyone that isn’t certifiably insane) campaigning against male masturbation. Likewise I don’t see people complaining about ovulation – a process that, while I’m not personally acquainted with, I know enough about to know that it too “kills” an egg. I don’t see anyone bombing vaginas for the murder of a living cell, a “potential life.”</p>

<p>Ok, ok, ok. I’m exaggerating here, a little. Obviously a fetus, or a ball of cells (for the most part) is a little closer to “living” than sperm and eggs are. Still, one has to ask him or herself when that potential life starts. I would argue (as I just have) that if one argues that a fetus is a potential life, than everything that comes before the fetus is also a potential life. </p>

<p>I would only advocate abortion in the most dire of situations, but what I would never do is tell anyone they couldn’t get abortion just because I may not agree with it. Ya dig? </p>

<p>Next up is gay marriage. I get ****ed when people are against gay marriage, and I’m not even gay. I just care that much about equal rights (weird, right?). To me not allowing gay people to get married is the same – exactly the same – as not allowing any other minority to get married. </p>

<p>I’m not going to go into “is it a choice or not.” That doesn’t even matter as to whether or not gay people should be allowed to get married (for the record: not a choice.) Nor am I going to go into the religious reasoning as to why gay marriage is “wrong,” (They do come up with some of the most bigoted and intolerant arguments against gay marriage, but I also don’t take them seriously).</p>

<p>“So what are you going to talk about?” You may ask. Good question! Let’s go with the secular reasoning as to why gay marriage shouldn’t be legal. 1) It would destroy “American family values,” 2) “Marriage” is between a man and a woman only. </p>

<p>1) I’d like to ask what “family values” gay marriage would be destroying. Do they mean white, conservative, Christian family values? I’m truly confused with this argument. There are no conclusive studies that show that children with gay parents turn out any differently than children raised by straight parents. Please, this argument is just as bad as “gay marriage is morally wrong!!!” </p>

<p>2) “Marriage” is between a man and a woman. Says who. America? Really, is marriage really between a man and a woman, or are people only conditioned to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman? I mean, for the entirety of the 20th century gay people haven’t been treated with much respect, so it’s no wonder why people would be conditioned to believe this silly “rule.”</p>

<p>People treat marriage as some sacred word. Well people in America, that is. (It’s a little sad that we’re one of the few western nations that still hasn’t legalized gay marriage). It’s ridiculous that people honestly think they are right in thinking that gay marriage is wrong. That gays shouldn’t be allowed to have the same legal rights and benefits as married couples, or even that gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married, because marriage is just for straight people.</p>

<p>I personally believe that black people shouldn’t be allowed to get married either. I think they should be able to get all the benefits of marriage, mind you, they just can’t call themselves “husband and wife.” They can be called “civil partners.” I think that would work, right? It’s too awkward for me to imagine something as sacred as “marriage” be tainted by black people…just think about it! But come on, black people can have all the benefits of us non-colored folk, they just can’t call it our special word. </p>

<p>Sigh.</p>

<p>Last but not least is my personal favorite topic: marijuana legalization. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to discuss my entire view on why marijuana should be legalized in just a few paragraphs, so I guess I’ll go with my favorite argument: the libertarian argument! Yay! (I can tell you’re getting excited already)</p>

<p>I pose this question to my readers: What harm is a pot smoker doing to you personally? If you answered: “absolutely none, I see your point, I now am completely for marijuana legalization,” you are correct. Congrats. </p>

<p>A victimless crime is not a crime. I am an advocate of legalizing (or at the very least decriminalizing) all drugs, but marijuana in particular because it’s the safest of all drugs (legal and illicit), it has medical value, and a lot of people already use it (many of whom are arrested unjustly just for possessing it). Anyone who says marijuana should stay illegal because it’s “dangerous” also needs to be an advocate for the prohibition of alcohol and cigarettes lest they be called a hypocrite, because these other recreational drugs are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar (I put extra “a”’s in the word “far” to indicate the magnitude of what I’m trying to say) worse for oneself than marijuana is. </p>

<p>Anyone who spouts the asinine “but if marijuana were legal, everyone would be high! The kids would be high, nothing would get done, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah” needs to look at just how many people are drunk all the time. Just because something is available doesn’t mean everyone’s going to do it. I don’t deny that, if marijuana were legalized, there would be a spike in usage. But I also predict that the spike in usage would shortly go down to possibly below what it was before it was legal. </p>

<p>I also love the “but think of the children!” argument. To that I say: what children: the children that are already smoking pot, or the children that know exactly where to get the marijuana, but choose not to? Pot is easily the most readily available drug on the illegal market today. And guess what: drug dealers don’t check I.D’s. How many 14-year-olds do you see walking into the liquor store and buying alcohol? It should be common sense that pot usage in children would decrease were marijuana legalized.</p>

<p>Guess what would also decrease: crime! Drug cartels – violent drug cartels – that rely mainly on marijuana sales would be crippled if marijuana were legalized. If people are purchasing marijuana legally and for less money than what the drug cartels sell them for, the cartels would eventually “go out of business,” so to speak. It’s also not a bad idea to mention the insane tax revenue America would get from legalization. Also people with chronic pain and other illnesses would be happy that medical marijuana is available to them (medical marijuana is already legal in about a dozen states in America).</p>

<p>Well look at that, I did come off as amateurish! But I do have an excuse: for the sake of space. I could write several pages on just one of these topics; to write just under four pages covering all three of these topics is nothing short of a miracle. One of my main points that I only mentioned in my discussion of marijuana legalization was “how does this harm you.” I am all for personal freedoms (I am a liberal first, actually, but my libertarian side is not far behind) – and having people say that people shouldn’t be allowed to get married, shouldn’t be allowed to do drugs, or shouldn’t be allowed to get abortions…that irks me. I don’t agree with many people’s ideals, but I don’t say that one shouldn’t be allowed to say, do, or practice these things, nor would I ever say that.</p>

2

<p>This is obviously about subjects you are very passionate about. While I disagree with your first two points based on theological values (let me know if you want an educated debate. I’m a fellow liberal who just has different solutions.) but I think you do a pretty good job of presenting your arguments, acknowledging counter-arguments and tying it all together in the conclusion. I do think you should leave out the part about calling all people who disagree with gay marriage bigots and anti-weed advocates ignorant, as it makes you seem narrow-minded. Other than that, if you want to go bold, this is the essay you need. It will really show who you are and tell the reader a lot about you.</p>

<p>You better hope the reader’s not a Repub tho :D</p>

3

<p>I’m sorry but you wouldn’t even get into community college with this essay. If you want me to seriosly edit it and give you some pointers, PM me. You are totally heading in the wrong direction here.</p>

4

<p>Your question: Is this essay to unortodox? Answer: Yes This essay is like a death wish. Way too controversial, casual and opinionated. I would not go with it.</p>

5

<p>I read up to here: “Abortion is the only topic which I’m totally pro-choice for yet I can understand why people wouldn’t want to have abortions. Like, I think anyone who is against gay marriage is a bigoted moron and anyone who is against pot legalization is completely ignorant on the entire debate, but I digress.”</p>

<p>You better hope that whoever’s reading this is not against pot legalization and for gay marriage!!!</p>

6

<p>You come off as a very arrogant, impatient, and angry individual. This is the exact opposite impression you want to give. Honestly, the ineffectiveness of your essay has nothing to do with unorthodoxy; in fact, many good essays are unorthodox. Your rhetoric is just too angry.</p>

<p>I am assuming that this is for the common app, which provides many different options. In fact, there is even one that allows you to make up your own topic. So right away the admissions officer is going to be thinking, “why the hell doesn’t this kid just pick a different topic if he said flat out that he doesn’t like writing about this topic?”</p>

<p>Normally I hate throwing out essays, but this is just unsalvagable. Best of luck, and I hope you got this out of your system.</p>

7

<p>

You lost me here, even before you get into the other part. Let me put it this way: although you might want to stick it to “the man,” a college admissions officer IS “the man.”</p>

8

<p>Harsh guys hahaha…damn. </p>

<p>Whatever, like I said this was my first draft and I definitely wanted to check with the intronet before I handed this “controversial” essay in.</p>

<p>I wanted to make this very opinionated but I guess that’s wrong. Oh well, time to think of another topic.</p>

9

<p>^ Good choice.</p>

<p>If it makes you feel better, you’re obviously fairly well-informed, at least for a teenager.</p>

10

<p>Ummm…any tips on what colleges actually want? </p>

<p>I sort of want to be unorthodox, but I guess my first essay went too far. But I don’t want to have a boring “Event X changed my life in Y way,” mostly because I don’t have any of those, and a lot because those are totally boring (to read and write).</p>

11

<p>"I personally believe that black people shouldn’t be allowed to get married either. I think they should be able to get all the benefits of marriage, mind you, they just can’t call themselves “husband and wife.” They can be called “civil partners.” I think that would work, right? It’s too awkward for me to imagine something as sacred as “marriage” be tainted by black people…just think about it! But come on, black people can have all the benefits of us non-colored folk, they just can’t call it our special word. "</p>

<p>Are you serious? Grow up!</p>

12

<p>Hilarious! I truly laughed harder than I have in a long, long time. OP, you have great talent for parody.</p>

13

<p>"I personally believe that black people shouldn’t be allowed to get married either. I think they should be able to get all the benefits of marriage, mind you, they just can’t call themselves “husband and wife.” They can be called “civil partners.” I think that would work, right? It’s too awkward for me to imagine something as sacred as “marriage” be tainted by black people…just think about it! But come on, black people can have all the benefits of us non-colored folk, they just can’t call it our special word. "</p>

<p>Are you serious? Grow up!"</p>

<p>I really hope you didn’t take that seriously.</p>

<p>Like I said before, any suggestions on what colleges DO want? I really don’t want to write a boring essay either.</p>

14

<p>Don’t write an essay on opinion. It will be very off-putting to an admissions officer with conflicting views.</p>

15

<p>I amost didn’t want to read it because your beginning I took to be a way of averting writing anything of merit, but use sarcasm instead. However, you actually began to show that you can write. Small point, but it jumped out at me and it will them,too. Don’t begin that sentence with the word "Like, " I understand it’s consistent with the style you chose, but its condescending and put me off. The point you make of blacks not being allowed to marry was witty and surprised me. not bad. the pot was a problem. You are fairly logical if not a little lacking in evidence, but again, not the style of your paper. this sentence thrown in there that pot use would actually decrease if legalized comes out of left field and seems thrown in there to pad. Rethink using it</p>

16

<p>This may have been a good comedy read for an average libertarian, but not for a college admissions officer. They don’t care about what you think, they are deciding whether you deserve to be in the college at which you want to be in. I mean they care, but they don’t want to read an essay on your opinions about 3 very controversial topics. Just follow a question/prompt, but be interested in it.</p>

17

<p>i think its too casual and doesn’t seem to be projecting your strong points. the beginning can be better.</p>

18

<p>The content in this essay is being delivered with WAY to casual of a tone. DO NOT USE THIS ESSAY!! I would put your app in the shred pile immediately! You can write - so change the essay to another topic that doesn’t have such a high potential to hurt you.</p>

19

<p>When you are writing your essay, avoid contreversial topics. You dont want anyone getting mad at you, especially admissions officers.</p>

20

<p>Rule of thumb… If the word “masturbation” comes up more than once in your college essay, you could choose a better topic. :wink: I’m dying to know what essay you did use…!!!</p>