<p>Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to help me out by grading my SAT essay. Writing has never been my strong suit, as evidenced by my double 9s both times I took the ACT. But I know that the SAT essay is an entirely different beast, so my hopes are to score at least a 10 on it. Please don’t be kind because I really want to know what I can improve on. Thanks a bunch!</p>
<p>Prompt (from the new BB, test #6): Can success be disastrous?</p>
<p>My essay (with errors and all):</p>
<pre><code>While many believe that too much success will ultimately lead to disaster, this is not necessary true. When success is achieved through honest means, it will only benefit the one who is achieving it. However, when success is achieved through avarice and unscrupulous means, it will ultimately lead to downfall. Two American companies, one in the animation industry and the other in energy, serve as compelling cases for both sides of this thesis.
Pixar Animation Studios is widely considered to be the premiere animation powerhouse. With 12 films to date, all of which have set box office and critical records, it is no doubt that Pixar has created a lasting impression on American popular culture. The key to its success can be attributed to the group of like-minded creative individuals that run it and share a similar passion for visual arts. However, the company’s goal was never to reach the level of success it has today. In fact, when Pixar’s first film, Toy Story, was announce to be in production, industry experts predicted it to turn out as a huge financial and critical failure. This was because previous, no one had ever produced a fully computer animated feature film. However, Toy Story turned out ot be a huge success, kick stating a franchise and company that has earned billions of dollars and captured the imaginations of many eager-eye4d children and adults alike. Thus, through creativity and innovative risk taking, Pixar has reached the level of sucess it has today and continue to enjoy it.
On the opposite side of the token is another mega corporation, Enron. Specializing in the energy field, Enron had built itself up so that by 2001 it was the largest energy corporation in the United States, earning profits in the hundreds of billions of dollars range. However, in one of the biggest scandals in American history, it was revealed that Enron’s success had substantially been sustained with bribery, corruption, falsefication of profits and accounting records, and the exploitation of loopholes and innocent people’s money. This scandal eventually led to Enron’s bankrupcy and the arrest of its executives. The suicide of Enron executive Cliff Baxter just reiterates the idea that ill-gotten success will ultimately lead to disaster and downfall.
From these two American companies, an important thesis arises. In the case of Pixar, whose success can be attributed to innovation, creativity, and risk-taking, it can be seen that success is sustained and beneficial if achieved honestly. With Enron, which got its success through embezzlement, frauds, and other illicit methods, it can be seen that success via unethical and fraudulent methods will only lead to catastrophe. Thus an important lesson is to be learned: let only honest means be the driving force in success, and only then will it not lead to disaster.
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<p>Yeah, please excuse any inaccuracies about the actual Enron scandal. I was looking through some of the sample essays that CB released and Enron was used in a great deal of the top scoring essays. So while researching examples, I read just enough about it to be able to BS an SAT essay about it. :P</p>