<p>Tf, I’m sure there is, somewhere in a Smith “profile.” But I don’t know where and I’ve got to run right now and won’t be back for hours. Anyone else? </p>
<p>But the data is readily available.</p>
<p>Our financial aid went UP two of the four years, as our circumstances changed. We weren’t a Pell Grant family, but not that far off. We found the financial aid office extremely easy to work with, and when we were in trouble (incapacitating disease), they came through big time for us.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/smith-college/1115852-pell-grants-smith.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/smith-college/1115852-pell-grants-smith.html</a></p>
<p>I have to agree with foolishpleasure.</p>
<p>I did restrict my children to colleges in the northeast. I make no apology for that. My kids, at the time of college application - age 17, and 18 at decision time. As I am the one paying the bill (with quite generous financial aid, admittedly, but the balance due is primarily mine), and I am the one that has the age and (hopefully) wisdom to see the ramifications of the final choice.</p>
<p>I had a poster right here on CC ream me a couple years ago because I dared restrict my kids to the northeast. I live on Long Island, and I didn’t allow my younger D to apply to schools in Chicago, and she did ask to. She is not an island and her choices do impact her family. That particular poster, however, did not offer to pay transportation costs, or be available should there be an emergency…</p>
<p>Treefingers, if your discussions do not sway her opinion, it really won’t be the end of the world if you can’t attend Smith <em>hugs</em></p>
<p>Treefingers, would you be willing to tell us more about your family? Are you an only child or the oldest or last? With all your mom’s shifting objections, as TD points out, I can’t help but keep coming back to my premise that she simply cannot stand the idea of your being away at college. How has your mom been throughout high school? Has there been anyone in your life who has helped you get over the bumps with your parents during high school? If so, would that person be able to help you now? A relative? A close family friend? It has to be someone whom your parents trust deeply. I can’t help but think there’s some parallel trauma in your mom’s life that’s playing out in your current circumstances. Sorry but it’s the clinical social worker in me. You are welcome to PM me, if you want. Also, please don’t feel that you have to divulge anything; it’s entirely up to you.</p>
<p>Well, yes, at some point her mom is going to put her foot down, but so far her mom hasn’t done that. So I was simply encouraging the OP not to get discouraged. I guess all family dynamics are different, and my parents, fortunately, gave me the freedom to make the choice for myself within some reason. I think treefingers has a reasonable case and she should keep at it as long as she can and hopefully her mother will come around. It’s not as if this is a mater specifically about affordability after all, it appears to be about something bigger, something that she may be able to work out in a way that a pure dollars and cents calculation could not be overcome.</p>
<p>I am the oldest of two children – I have a younger brother who is currently in middle school. I don’t really have anyone who can provide words of wisdom to my mom – all of her friends come from circumstances that are similar to her own. Almost all of my relatives who have gone to college lived at home, and the farthest anyone has gone for college is about a two-hour drive. That person receives $1000/month from his parents, even though I can’t possibly imagine what you could use all that money on in a relatively rural area, and my mom thinks I will require similar amounts of financial support during college. My mom believes that traveling so far for college is strictly for the wealthy (we are middle-class). She thinks that anyone who speaks positively about the traditional college experience is a liar, and that college is only for earning a degree. During my sophomore year, she went through a bout of ovarian cancer and constantly reminds me that here cancer can come back at anytime. I understand this, but I wonder if she’ll use that same argument when it’s basically expected for me to move out. The fact that there are countless parents out there who have all kinds of diseases and still let their children go to any college they want makes me feel as if my mom is, for lack of a better way of putting this, being incredibly selfish. She thinks I just want to get away from her as soon as possible, but even if we lived in Northampton, I would still want to go to Smith.</p>
<p>Try to cut your mom some slack. Remember that she loves you and she’s trying to do what she thinks is best. This is new territory for her, and for many parents the thought of separation can be overwhelming, doubly so if they’re on unfamiliar ground. Parents always worry, even when you’re long since graduated and out of the nest. Their worry can manifest itself in strange and sometimes baffling ways, but I do think that for most parents the heart of that worry is a great love for you and a wish to have you fulfill your potential and yes, also a wish to protect you from the insecurities of life, physical, financial, and otherwise. </p>
<p>What about having her talk to another adult, as was suggested earlier. I think you said she had spoken to Smith’s student financial services? If not, I would suggest that. Also, maybe enlist the help of an adult that you trust, a family member or a close family friend, a member of the clergy (if your parents are religious) or a trusted teacher or school guidance counselor. It might help if she could hear it from another adult. She might be more comfortable expressing her feelings to someone who has a more equal footing with her, rather than her child who she is trying to guide and also still has responsibility to parent. And maybe talk to your dad, separately from your mom, so that he can hear your whole case through and through. I think it’s bad form to play one parent off against another, so that’s not what I’m suggesting, but both parents should have the chance to hear your full side of the story.</p>
<p>There may be reasons for keeping a student close to home. Doing so for the parents’ emotional comfort is b.s. and is prima facie evidence of self-centered parenting. Parents are expected to be adults.</p>
<p>If you lived in Northampton, you might NOT want to go to Smith. My daughter really liked a university near home and was accepted there, but said point-blank that she didn’t want to go there over her other choices because it was too close to home. She wanted to stake out her own territory. I think that’s part of what’s happening with you and your mother. You want to go out into the world, and she doesn’t want you to leave. No matter where you end up, your mother will have to deal with your absence (unless you live at home, of course), and that’s not easy, even for parents who willingly let their children go to college far from home. Somehow, you need to balance your own needs and desires with an understanding of how difficult it will be for your mother. You both will miss each other.</p>
<p>The deadline is looming. I don’t agree with your mother’s stance, but that doesn’t mean that she and your father don’t have the final say. After all, they will be paying for your education. If the worst case happens, then you’ll have to turn it around to your advantage. Whatever you do, do NOT live at home. It will affect your studies and sense of independence. </p>
<p>One more thing about expense: Does your mother know that Smith fee includes both room AND board? That’s unusual because at most colleges a meal plan is a separate expense.</p>
<p>Your mother’s offer and your comment about her treating college like an extension of high school reminded me of something my daughter said when we first started looking at colleges. She expected college to be just like high school, only more difficult, until she attended her first residential college tour. Only then did she realize that it was a completely different experience. Her father and I had long talked about how exciting it was to go away to college, but she didn’t buy it until she saw for herself. I suspect that’s where your mother is now. I’m not sure you can persuade her otherwise at this late point.</p>
<p>Your last ditch effort to convince her may have to combine both logic and emotion: “Look, Mom, I know you are afraid of me being far away. And I know you’re afraid of the cost. I’m a little nervous, too, but you need to trust my judgment. You’ve raised me to be ambitious and logical and loving. I owe you a lot. Now it’s my turn to prove that I’m the daughter you raised me to be. I’ve already shown you that Smith is not more expensive than the other schools. I’ve shown you that Smith’s education is much better than the others. What more can I do? You really need to trust that I know what’s best for me. And if I turn out to hate it or if Smith doesn’t give me good financial aid in my second year, I can always transfer.” Or something like that.</p>
<p>Interesting article on “negotiating” financial aid.</p>
<p>[College</a> Financial Aid: It’s Haggling Season Over College Financial Aid - CTnow](<a href=“Connecticut – Hartford Courant”>Connecticut – Hartford Courant)</p>
<p>I thought that article was about merit awards (not need based aid) . . . .?</p>
<p>Actually both come in to play if you read the full story.</p>
<p>I have talked about this with my dad separately, and he has expressed interest in trying to make it work financially, but whenever I discuss it with both of my parents together, he automatically switches to my mom’s stance instead.</p>
<p>I’ve tried all kinds of emotional and logical appeals in an attempt to sway my mom, but she is convinced that she’ll die within three months if she doesn’t see me everyday (and Skype doesn’t cut it for her).</p>
<p>
Will she admit to this? If so, then you can focus on the fact that this is her problem, not a problem with Smith or you.</p>
<p>Yes, she has said so multiple times. When I remind her that thousands of parents let their kids go to colleges that are long distances from home and don’t die within three months or at all while their students are at college (at least not due to something that was directly caused by the student being so far away), she says she doesn’t care what other parents do because she is “different”.</p>
<p>Your mom’s comments leave me speechless. Have you pointed out to your dad that he gets swayed by your mom’s point of view? If he’s able to acknowledge that, then perhaps he can start to hold his own with your mom. It’s your mom’s problem that she can’t accept your growing up and moving away; your dad seems to accept this reality, fortunately.</p>
<p>Remember that the OP’s mother has ovarian cancer. This has likely deeply influenced her reaction and changed the family dynamics. While I agree that the mother should not use her illness as a means of affecting her daughter’s future, I’m sure that all her fears are surfacing right now.</p>
<p>MWFN, you are right; thank you for the reminder. My error in judgment. It is so hard to be compassionate with everyone all the time. Certainly the OP talking to her mother consistently about going away to college creates the opportunity for her mother to air her deepest fears, which is good and necessary. Children going away to college is a huge transition for families and it needs time to be discussed–a lot.</p>
<p>Also speechless…nearly…but not surprised. Claims of being “different” as a justification are not something a mature parent would make. But if she insists on being different, then the response is, “What can we do to help you with your problem while I go away to Smith?”</p>
<p>We’ve been discussing this since October and if anything, she has only moved farther to the side of keeping me at home. I don’t feel as if discussing this issue a lot has improved my chances.</p>
<p>I read on another board that Smith doesn’t consider one’s FAFSA EFC when calculating financial need. Is this true? My mom is pretty disgruntled with FAFSA, so this may change her mind at least slightly.</p>