<p>True story: one of my sisters in-law who lives in St. Louis said that her children had to go to college within 200 miles of home. One now lives in Burma and the others are more than 500 miles away.</p>
<p>My mother told me I had to go to college within 3 hours of New York City. I cheated, and went 3 1/2. I told my kids they (not just for college) could go anywhere in the world within three days plane ride of Seattle. The younger one went to Cairo when she was 16. The older one went to India, Thailand, and Cambodia when 17.</p>
<p>The world is now a very small place. (and very safe, too!)</p>
<p>Smith does not consider only FAFSA, but FAFSA is part of the consideration. They calculate financial need based on FAFSA, the CSS Profile, and all the documents that you submit, rather than just one or the other. FAFSA doesn’t always provide a complete picture of a family’s finances, so asking for the additional material helps them make a better judgement of need. Sometimes that works out in student’s favor, sometimes it doesn’t because it brings additional assets into play that parents aren’t willing to put towards college costs (additional property, extra savings, etc.)</p>
<p>If I lived in another part of the country, I would be fine with having to go to college within a certain radius (unfortunately, this region is extremely lacking in colleges that appeal to me). However, my mom wants me to stay within driving distance (~30 minutes). She thinks that she’ll save more money this way, but given the fact that my parents plan to buy me a car AND pay $14K+ for just my first year of college makes this false.</p>
<p>I honestly do feel that the CSS worked in my favor, but like I said earlier, my mom is convinced that Smith will get rid of their 100%-of-need-met policy while I’m a student there, even though they have no reason to do so. Additionally, she grows paranoid when I mention that taking out a relatively small loan at a low interest wouldn’t be too bad. For her, even $1 in loans is a nightmare.</p>
<p>Does anyone on this forum know what flexibility there is at Smith when there is a family crisis that causes a student to temporarily withdraw from school? I seem to remember within the last year reading something about a student who actually had cancer herself and had to withdraw for a year (or more?) in order to receive cancer treatments and she was returning to pick up where she left off. Does anyone remember seeing this article online? </p>
<p>If treefingers wanted to talk to someone in the administration about her family situation and what recourse she’d have if her mom got really sick again, whom could she call to find this out?</p>
<p>I believe that the Dean of Students handles crises like that. Although I can’t point to an example at Smith, colleges are extremely compassionate when it comes to major illnesses and family emergencies.</p>
<p>“For her, even $1 in loans is a nightmare.”</p>
<p>All you can do is explain to her that loans are always part of the package with need-based aid. If, in the end, the idea of her D being indebted is outside your mom’s comfort zone, you will have to enroll elsewhere – even if the other school ends up costing more than Smith. </p>
<p>Your mom should beware, however, b/c at Smith, if you decline loans, the college will not consider an unpward modification of your grant. If this is also the case with schools A and B, your mom would be wise to reconsider her “no loans” policy b/c, with an ailing parent, you may need to request a mid-year review of your award (to increase your grant due to medical expenses), regardless of which school you attend.</p>
<p>Smith was extraordinarily helpful to us when 1) my wife was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and, later 2) I had a major heart attack. They increased our aid both times. The Dean of Adas turned out to be particularly helpful to us (my d. wasn’t an ADA, but we are both Quakers) in checking in with my d. periodically, as was the staff and faculty at the Smith Center in Florence (my d. was there during the first episode.) They were just amazing - it was like having extra family. (My d. didn’t leave either time - we didn’t want her to - and Smith faculty were very forgiving in terms of occasional missed assignments, etc. - she didn’t keep anything a secret.)</p>
<p>Smith was also helpful when my daughter had a medical emergency as a first year. Only one professor was unforgiving; my daughter was in the hospital during a scheduled exam, and this professor insisted that her exam had to be docked by ten points. The Dean of Students and the staff at Health Services checked up on her regularly and arranged for transportation to and from classes until she could get there on her own.</p>
<p>Note: Not that this is the same as a student having to leave campus. Still, Smith worked hard to accommodate an unusual situation.</p>
<p>She doesn’t understand that loans have become the norm, nor does she understand why our family doesn’t have a 0 EFC. She’s the type of person who absolutely hates spending large sums of money, even when it’s for a high-quality product.</p>
<p>Perhaps I should add that the reason why my mom wants me to stay at home isn’t because she has a possibility of getting cancer again. Rather, it’s because she thinks she’ll die because I’m not near her, so she doesn’t always know what I’m doing or whom I’m with. For example, I just spent a day and a half at a university about two hours away for an academic competition, and I had to call her twice each day and answer all kinds of questions (where did I eat, what did I eat, what I did, what I’m about to do, what is my exact location, if I miss her, etc.).</p>
<p>^^^ So you know this has relatively little to do with finaid. Your mom wants you nearby and Smith is outside her geog/financial comfort zone. Fortunately, you have other options; do the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. Good luck.</p>
<p>Your mother needs to join the long line of parents who have separation anxiety. And in all seriousness, she may need therapy to deal with it. You should not have to pay the penalty for this.</p>
<p>The reality is that no matter where you go to college it is highly likely that you won’t be able to call her every day, not if she has any respect for the demands on your time.</p>
<p>I’ve told her that she’ll get used to the separation, as many parents do. Then she only goes on to say that she needs to know what I’m doing and if I’ve been eating (I have no history of eating disorders, so I don’t see why this would be of interest to her). As if I wouldn’t tell her these things on the phone.</p>
<p>I’m not sure what to say. We’ve been hearing about your mom. Where is your dad in this conversation at this point?</p>
<p>Treefingers, you probably aren’t going to like what I say, but here’s goes.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, you are still at the mercy of your parents’ final decision. I absolutely disagree with your mother’s thinking – and I’m angry with her for trying to affect your future with emotional blackmail. That said, because you cannot pay for your undergraduate education, you’re going to have to accept your parents’ choice if you cannot convince them by the deadline. If you have to stay in Texas, embrace it. Don’t be bitter. Make your undergraduate experience the best you can. And then, bit by bit, work toward your independence. By the time you graduate from college, you will be free to do/go wherever you want. If you work towards that separation during your undergraduate years, it will be easier to accept that job in, say, Chicago or Boston or San Francisco because your mother’s manipulation should no longer have the same effect. </p>
<p>Although all of us here wish that your mother were more mature as a parent, you have to accept the reality of your situation.</p>
<p>@Carolyn: Treefingers has said that her father agrees privately with her choice to attend Smith, but when he is with T’s mother, he backs her instead. I suspect he is a non-confrontational person who tells the most powerful person in the room what she wants to hear. He doesn’t want his daughter to be mad at him, especially one-on-one, so he backs her, even though he may in reality have the same wish that his wife does.</p>
<p>Your mother should consider the difference between <em>needs</em> to know what you’re doing and <em>wants</em> to know what you’re doing. And at what point “needs” is psychologically unhealthy. </p>
<p>Among other things, it sounds very much as she needs some life of her own.</p>
<p>I talked to my mom again today, and it seems that she is now fine with me going so far away and actually agrees with me that Smith would probably be my best option, but the fact that the amount of a grant is not explicitly guaranteed for all four years like a scholarship is does not sit well with her.</p>
<p>Why don’t you have HER call the Smith financial aid office? They’re very friendly, and they can provide the scoop.</p>
<p>Definitely call Smith. The are great! I have queried them several times about aid over the course of my d’s possible career there, and they assure me that so long as our financial picture stays about the same as now we can expect similar aid packages in the future. They don’t “bait and switch.”</p>