Great advice @misslilbookworm! We were caught in that trap last year.
@misslilbookworm couldn’t agree more
@misslilbookworm great advice!
My advice is to listen to your kid because they are the one who is actually going to the school. I remember visiting colleges and literally stepping out of the car and deciding yes or no. It was a feeling, a vibe, an intuition. Thankfully my mother listened to me and allowed me to do my thing. The pup is the same way, vibe at all schools and listened to her gut. There were schools I wanted her to apply to, mostly in order to cast a wider net, and she said no. I think it’s important to listen to the kid, let them be a little in charge or the process.
I like that!
I have been reading a lot of old threads (including chance me’s which I have avoided up until now) as well as current “why wasn’t I admitted” posts. It occurs to me that kids and their parents seem to forget a crucial aspect of this process - humility. If kids have never been told “there’s someone smarter, prettier, better at sports than you” let me say it now. For each one of us there are plenty of people better at certain/many things than us. Practice humility in your everyday life and during your interviews show this understanding.
Almost all the people will get up and go on with their days and life; but to many of them, getting one or several unsubstantiated rejection(s) or soft-rejection(s) is a meaningful event.
Humility is a noble quality - yet, with all due respect, it is not a cure when facing injustice nor in front of failure - even if it were a type of failure.
I always know ‘there is someone smarter, prettier, better at sports’ than me. I accept that. I also know many more are not. When it comes to the admissions, there are existing rules, well-understood by some but unspeakable to many, at play. Those rules protect some, hurt many, and betray the very same values spelled out by the school, board, and the pretty brochures…
I think some good advice to applicants for the class of 2024 would be as follows:
- Honesty is key! I have very qualified friends who didn't necessarily lie, but things didn't line up, and they got into to smaller, less observant schools but got rejected or waitlisted at their top choices. For many, I think they may have been more qualified than me, they just embellished their accomplishments and told different stories to different parts of the application process, unintentionally, of course.
- Highlight what makes you unique. You need to understand that every single applicant has great grades, is going to have good teacher recommendations, a plethora of EC's, and most likely a good SSAT score. You need to show what is unique about you. Maybe you own a business, have gotten to travel the world, or have done something valuable to help the community. These schools look for diversity; whether it be through race, religion, ideas, or culture, schools value this over anything else.
- Understand what applicant pool you are in. Though many may want to debunk this, it is important to understand that your qualifications are NOT the only thing that goes into getting accepted at a school. Other things that you may not be able to control as a kid can play into this, such as your race, whether you need financial aid or not and how much, whether you are considered an 'impact' athlete, but more specifically, how important that is to your school, and if your parents/grandparents went there and donate money. For example, an African American kid that does not need any FA, is an impact athlete in basketball, lives in California, and their mother attended the school would be much more likely to get in than an Asian child who needs 20,000 in FA, is an impact athlete in rugby, is a day applicant, and has no 'legends'.
Note that I used African American and Asian for example only because the majority of applicants are Asian and Caucasian so since they need diversity, a less qualified person of color could be accepted. I am not trying to be ‘racist’ or anything like that, there are plenty of qualified students from each race, I am just saying that the application process can favor people of color because schools are often judged on diversity. This doesn’t mean someone of color doesn’t deserve to be there. They absolutely do.
- Ultimately, it depends on the school. Schools have certain ideas of what their 'perfect student' would be, and you just may not fit it. Don't be discouraged if you are waitlisted or rejected, because you may not have thrived in that environment anyway. Things happen for a reason, and for all you know, not going to a competitive private high school could open the window for going to a better college.
@Heading2HS I am quite confused about the injustice you have written about several times. Maybe I am incorrect or mis read your post but didn’t you get into your dream school? As many people, with much more experience than me, have posted numerous times on CC you only need one acceptance at a school that’s a great fit for you to have a successful highschool experience. I recognize that many of these decisions can seem unfair but most of us don’t actually see all the other kids’ applications. So many of the kids on this site are stars in their current school, there are a lot of stars out there and the logic of admitting some but not others may not make sense.
@dogsmama1997 To a large degree, my points were about ‘humility’ - as a trait for students and about the other unspeakable rules in admission.
Thanks for all the wonderful posts! Families applying next year are very fortunate to have the input!! 
This is a great thread for new applicants. All the best and good luck.