Disagree. When ex found out they couldn’t control THAT person they probably left to go find someone else more pliable.
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That’s not what controlling people do. They don’t give up unless they get scared to keep exerting control.
Breaking up with a controlling, abusive person is very difficult.
Yea. I’m not thinking it was controlling as much as just jealousy. I’ve seen controlling and I think they tend to lure for much longer to develop a deep relationship before they start gradually starting to control every situation. This situation was definitely not in any way deep. My child will not put up with controlling. My child felt like there was projection onto them for something that happened with a previous significant other.
Very true. My mother married the same one twice. (Not my father)
I think it’s hard to know enough details to have a solid idea on this specific incident. Maybe the new personhad been cheated on and is wary. Maybe the new person was a doormat and swore they’d never stay quiet again. Maybe the ex- is possessive and manipulative. Maybe the trip is drinking and camping and hottubs for two weeks, not a baseball game for a weekend. Maybe the OP’s offspring refused to compromise (no offense, just thinking) and shorten or alter the trip.
My point being, jealousy and insecurity are pretty normal. How we deal depends on a great many things; usually the couple’s ability to be truthful, listen well, have empathy, and know who they are. That’s a pretty big lift for a new relationship.
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Can I go?
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Ah, projection makes a lot of sense. And takes practice to avoid for all of us to varying degrees. I’m glad your child is safe even if they are disappointed. That’s the most important thing.
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I hear you. I am travelling w/ DH on a business trip and someone asked what am I going to do and I said “something exotic, like sleep until 8am” .
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My girlfriend met a guy a year ago. He was divorced and remained friendly with his ex-wife. They would go to dinner once a week and hang out sometimes. When my GF objected to it, he made it appear it was the GF’s problem. He said she was insecure, tried to restrict his friendship, etc. I happened to agree with my GF that it is a bit much when he continued to see his ex wife that often. Of course, this situation is a bit different than OP’s situation.
Did they have children? If so, not unreasonable in my opinion.
Funny, I assumed it was a jealous boyfriend and think the OP’s daughter has a good head on her shoulders.
Jealousy is a big turn off, though a little is understandable, perhaps. It depends on the circumstances. If two exes are spending a LOT of time together, I can see how it could make someone a bit jealous at the start of a new relationship. But in this case, the guy was out of line. He should be glad his (now ex) girlfriend has other friends she wants to do things with. It’s not like she and the former bf just split up.
Luckily, I’ve never had a jealous boyfriend, so maybe they just didn’t care that much. 
Not to distract too much from this thread. The ex had a child that they raised together, but the child was a grown adult. My friend didn’t object until they were well into their relationship. There was even one incident where the guy told my friend that he couldn’t celebrate his birthday with my friend because he had always celebrated with his ex. Whenever my friend got upset, he always made it her problem. She had started to doubt herself. I told her that he was trying to have the best of both worlds.
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I had a roommate who met a guy who was controlling her within 2 weeks. They were engaged within a month, then unengaged, then re-engaged. She signed a finance contract for him for a waterbed. He criticized everything she wore or said or ate. (I didn’t like him, if you couldn’t tell). We stopped being roommates, they broke up, I left the job and moved and nothing good became of this relationship. She had to get a protection order against him. I heard that he used to show up at our place of employment (we were co-workers too) and police had to be called. He was controlling and jealous and just a jerk (IMO).
I know two women who were killed by their boyfriends, both the same age as my daughters and killed when 21-22. One was a teammate of my daughter’s on her hs club team. She was supposed to play in college but didn’t have the grades so went to work at a restaurant, started dating an older guy, and he strangled her during an argument outside the restaurant on a break. Her parents didn’t even know she was dating him.
The other was from the same orphanage as my daughter and I’m friends with her mother. It was a long term boyfriend and they were living together. He also killed himself. We suspect she was going to break up with him and he reacted.
Anyway, I’m hyper award of these controlling situations. I speak to my kids about it a lot and don’t want them to feel pressured to not do things without their partners and they both have activities without their long term partners, with male friends, with family, with co-workers. I don’t want them to be uncaring to their partners or what the partners want, but I do want them to be independent. Both are in long term relationships (5 years and 8 years) but are still making the best decisions for themselves individually as well as for the relationship.
They went on a spring break trip together. No boyfriends.
Jealousy is the product of insecurities and past experiences. I don’t think the new person is controlling unless it was an ultimatum of not going or breaking up
It wasn’t quite an ultimatum but the outcome was the same. . My take is it was more:
“I thought you wouldn’t go”
“No, I plan on going. It’s only for a weekend. This trip was planned before I met you and I am being upfront about an ex but we haven’t been “together” for years and we have all of the same friends. These have all been my friends for many years, so I plan on going”
“Well, then, we have nothing left to talk about, it’s over”
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Definite dodged bullet!
Guess my 45 year marriage is on different grounds…
“I’m going with friends on a camping trip with drinking and hot tubs for two weeks!”
“Sounds fun! Have a great time!”
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Sounds like OP’s child and this now-ex just were on different pages of their (new) relationship. Probably hadn’t even explored how to keep old flames in or out of their lives. Maybe the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyway as they discovered their differences, but probably a little sad that an exciting new relationship was cut short due to the timing of this trip.
Hope the child has a good time with old friends and maybe makes a new friend.
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Perhaps it became obvious that that group of old friends was an important permanent fixture (including ex), and she/he didn’t care for them.