<p>While applying, I looked forward to be associated with a great name, like Yale, Harvard, Stanford or Columbia. April 1st came, got into all four, chose Yale. And now, the most thing I hate is when somebody asks me where I’m going for college…
-Where are you going for college?
-Yale. What about you?
-oh wow! congrats! you must be a genius! and I’m heading to XYZ college.(which is in most cases, not comparable to Yale.)
The whole conversation feels bitter to me afterward. If I was to say how great the friend’s college is, or how lucky he is, it would sound like “you know I’m going to Yale, but your place is OK too”, which sucks. If I was to talk about how lucky I am, it’s just unbearable, and downright bragging.
It’s more like the “what did you get on the exam?” “an A. what about you?” “a D” <em>doesn’t know what to say</em> case.
owh and the “you must be a genius!” part, seriously, drop that, It is really annoying after the first two-three times :P</p>
<p>^ That must be annoying but congrats Yale’s awesome (:</p>
<p>Lots of laughs reading this thread.</p>
<p>S is a HS Junior and is starting to figure out where he might like to go-and it is assumed around here because he does well at school he’ll be Ivy League material.</p>
<p>I have no idea what he’ll choose but last night we stumbled upon a great idea-when asked by anyone where he’s thinking of we’re going to say CCRI (the state community college). I promise you this will be hysterical. He already feels stressed out by the competition among peers where people are even going to be applying-I can’t imagine the foolishness when we get into next year.</p>
<p>My father was a GC for many years and so I already know about a lot of colleges through him and when people mention schools and I recognize them they seem pleased which is nice. I cannot imagine how people are so clueless-well I can but you’d think they would at least know enough to keep their mouths shut.</p>
<p>After reading this thread though I may substitute Transylvania in there just to shake them up-that was LOL funny.</p>
<p>It’s more like the “what did you get on the exam?” “an A. what about you?” “a D” </p>
<p>I understand the analogy, but A is better than a D. But comparing schools is more like an apple and oranges comparison. Yale is great but the other person’s school may be just as great for that person. Yale may be more selective and more highly ranked but those are quantitative differences. I suspect that you didn’t choose Yale based on rankings but for the qualitative differences that made it the best school for you. It’s too bad that the nameplate of the school seems to prevent you from a 2-way conversation of the things you are excited about and looking forward to.</p>
<p>Undregraduate, be careful about your assumptions, not everyone aspires to Yale! I think it is an amazing school with a lot to offer, but so are a hundred other schools. you might be the one making the conversation uncomfortable by unconsciosly looking down at the lesser mortal going to an “inferior” school. Assume most people are perfectly happy with their choice and warmly congratulate them.</p>
<p>In response to the “where’s S going to college?” question (just about the first question people ask lately!) and I say “Yale”, what I frequently get back is “Oh, New Haven is a horrible/dangerous/scary place to be.” OK…
S also attended boarding school and I often heard the “I could never send my child away from home.” Guess I’m just a terrible parent who doesn’t care about her child’s welfare! :)</p>
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That was exactly my point. You worded it in a better way. Thank you 
And I rather used the A/D example only because college admissions correlate with academic achievements, so that was the first example that I had in my mind :)</p>
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Please stop trying to find a bad intent in what I said, and please check the above quote for what I really meant. And most students(careful, I’m using MOST) would aspire to Yale and its peer institutions over the “hundred other schools.” Face it. However, also many students every year turn down Yale(about %35-40 of the admits?), which clearly means that they don’t “aspire to Yale”
That wasn’t my point anyways. That post was just about something that annoys me.</p>
<p>Alabama? Does he play football? Did you know that was down South?</p>
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<p>How does that feel bitter? The person congratulated you, made a nice small talk comment (“you must be a genius!”), says he’s going to XYZ College … and so your next move is to say “congratulations!” back and make some other small talk comment about how you’ve heard such great things about it, you know someone else who went there who really enjoyed it, etc.</p>
<p>Why does the fact that XYZ College may be “inferior” to Yale even cross your mind at that point, when you are genuinely congratulating someone on going where they want to go? What, do you secretly think the person resents you for going to Yale or is jealous? Be careful what you assume. Some people could actually just be genuinely happy for you and bear no resentment or jealousy.</p>
<p>It sounds as though you are the one focusing on the fact that the other person’s college is “inferior” to Yale.</p>
<p>BTW, talking about how lucky you are, and showing modesty and humility, is always a good strategy.</p>
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<p>Lots of terrific students are actually making this choice for purely financial reasons. If you told this to me, I would be respectful, but then think that you had either lost your job, lost the college fund in the market crash, or had suffered some other significant financial set back.</p>
<p>I’ll agree, that’s the tone I got from that, too (Pizzagirl’s comment). Perhaps, Undergraduate, that’s not what you mean, but it sure conveyed a certain assumption about the other person and their school’s inferiority as I read it.</p>
<p>Boston College is a really hot school around here especially among the Catholic high school kids and their families. It was a huge shock to proud mom when she visited family in the Midwest who gave her a blank eyed look at the news and seemed disappointed that she did not get better. Trying to explain that 1)BC is not a college but a major university 2) It is not a smaller satellite of BU, has no relationship to BU, isn’t even in Boston proper 3) BC is one of the top Catholic universities in the country. </p>
<p>Better to have just done the smile-nod-smile-nod routine.</p>
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<p>No. Really, you couldn’t be more wrong. There are plenty of students who don’t aspire to the very-tippy-top-of-educational-institutions, who want to go to a fun, relatively low cost school, preferably near home, preferably with a lot of their friends attending. They’re not “jealous” of Yale at all and may be genuinely pleased and may not at all feel “inferior” that they’re going to some other college that isn’t as highly ranked.</p>
<p>Frankly, the winner in my book is the person who is equally gracious in both situations and appears not to care which one is the “better” school in the course of a congratulatory discussion – rather than the person who is overly self-conscious of a ranking.</p>
<p>Your goal is to be able to warmly congratulate someone about something that makes them happy, REGARDLESS of whether that person’s choice is Podunk U or Yale and REGARDLESS of whether you yourself are going to Podunk U or Yale. That’s what will make you smart and successful in life.</p>
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<p>I totally agree. Here in Texas, there are LOTS of students (and multiple generations of their families) who would choose Texas A&M over any Ivy.</p>
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<p>I think that is really obnoxious advice on the part of an adult and I wish you wouldn’t. Because it presupposes that the listener will agree with you in the intended “ha, ha, can you imagine – my kid, as smart as he is, going to CCRI? bahahaha.” </p>
<p>And you don’t know whether the person you’re talking to is a proud grad of CCRI himself or herself who went on to be wildly successful. Or that their finances may have slipped in this economy and they have had to “downscale” their choices for their own children. </p>
<p>Plenty of perfectly good, smart kids go to comm colleges because that’s the way the cookie crumbles in this economy. Instead of making a game out of it, just either answer honestly or say you prefer not to discuss it. But there’s no good to come from poking fun at comm colleges or subtly sending the message that “ha ha, I said comm college but it’s clearly a joke, because who would send a kid there.”</p>
<p>I agree with that, re one of my daughter’s didn’t want the big Ivy league school, and always was attracted to what she wanted in a college, not the name. Some understand that, some don’t, but as she says, “Who cares, I’m going, they aren’t”.</p>
<p>Here’s a perfect example. My nephew will be attending Princeton. I know my SIL. She is a warm, gracious person and I <em>guarantee</em> that if she were in a group of parents and students, she would gush as much over the student who excitedly announces he’s going to Podunk U as the student who excitedly announces he’s going to Princeton. It would be evident to any outlooker that she was equally as excited for those families / students as she is for her own son’s success and that she wasn’t mentally comparing “is that school as good as Princeton?” in her head. </p>
<p>That’s what’s known as being <em>smart</em>, Undergraduate. It’s great that you got into Yale, but the grace and class of being able to sincerely congratulate other people is a very important thing to cultivate.</p>
<p>S is attending a well known New England college, so I haven’t encountered anything! </p>
<p>But this reminds me of what pregnant women go through! ( I have 4 children)
People can’t just say to a pregnant woman “You look wonderful, when is the baby due?”
“Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?” </p>
<p>What they usually do is go on & on about how big/small you are & you must be having a boy/girl because you look_______ ! Or you will have a big baby because you are huge right now at X months & so on. (someone told me I would have an enormous baby, had to inform them (with #4) that all my babies weighed under 6 pounds! Person’s face turned red with embarassment. (a small New England town busy body) </p>
<p>People just can’t seem to be polite & congratulate you on your child’s college choice and smile & be happy for you and your child! They must throw in these rude comments, although they probably don’t even realize that they are being rude!</p>
<p>Funny, I didn’t read that kind of tone at all in UG’s post. I’ve already posted how I took it and she agrees it’s what she meant. It seem she’s uncomfortable about being categorized as a “genius” which tends to stop a conversation short.</p>
<p>My stock answer is “you must be so proud!” whether I’ve heard of the school or not. Because, really, what parent isn’t proud at that milestone?</p>