Can’t he send funds to UCSD and have them hand onto the funds for tuition, campus housing, books and campus food and fees?
Have you provided your dad with a clear figure on what school will cost? What will you need per month 1.000, 2,000. Cost of attendance at UCSD is 30,000ish per year.
What is the deadline for submittting FASFA? It seems much to late to receive an award. You should be starting school next month. My kids attend UCs. I know I have a big payment coming up.
OP I understand your desperation to attend school. I hope it works out.
It’s just your circumstances and hurdles seem insurmountable living at home.
Your mom at any moment could stop paying. Ask this: Without your dad’s money (which should be earmarked for your expenses), can your mom pay rent and living expenses. If she has no income, she will need your dad’s money for her living expenses. How will you pay tuition?
If she plans to move to San Diego with you, before school starts, you should be signing a lease in the next few weeks and moving. She will need first, last, and a security deposit often thousand of dollars.
I’m thinking you should set boundaries immediately if you decide to live with her. Get a job. Have a social life. Change all passwords. Have you own email.
Time to define your new relationship. Hopefully, she learns to accept a new, independent you.
The OP is most likely in a co-depenent relationship. No, it’s not her responsibility to take care of her mother, however, if she walks away - particularly if she also gets her father to send the money to anyone other than her mother - her mother will end up in crisis. Who do you think the mother is going to turn to? Her mother isn’t simply going to play along, and ignore her back. No, it’s not fair, but if she doesn’t at least direct her mother to somewhere to get help, it is going to end up impacting her own mental health. both parties play a part in a co-dependent relationship, and often one party won’t be able to unilaterally end the co-dependence.
OP, is there any way you can arrange on-campus housing? If you can, money can be sent directly to UCSD for room and board. That is likely to be your best option. Would your father then pay your bill up front? If not, you will need to set up a payment plan, and have him arrange to make those payments - you are far better off if he pays up front, so you don’t have to worry that he might change his mind.
I would also suggest visiting the Counseling center, where they can help you address your relationship with both parents.
My dad’s money he sens regularly is supposed to (and does) cover both of our expenses. He would send extra money specifically for tuition, which we pay to the school’s monthly plan. He’s not from here so he wouldn’t trust the school system to earmark funds to me. He’s really just not comfortable giving me money without my mom, probably my mom told him some stuff about me, i have no idea. It’s his money so I respect that.
I feel like just not attending school seems to be the best option because I’d just be in the same situation I am now, but in two years. So i might as well just get out of this situation earlier. Mainly, if I stay with my mom, if I can’t network with other students and professors, or get internships, and if I just feel more and more isolated, I will just do badly in school grade wise eventually and have a breakdown. (I have good grades so far though don’t worry haha) School just doesn’t seem worth it in this situation monetarily nor time wise.
I think I will try to find some type of couch surfing or something in LA Valley where I am, and I’m trying to find a server job so I can get tips, and I need to figure out how to use my AA in Comp Sci to get a CS job (I have no idea how to do this either). I also need glasses cuz I can’t see beyond computer distance so I gotta get that figured out. Lots to do 
Thanks everyone with your help on everything!!
If you try to attend school this fall, you’ll be back complaining about your mom not paying the bills in a month, I’m guessing. And it might be too late to withdraw for the semester by then.
Run Forest run!
Can you clarify? How can your unemployed mom set up any loans for you? Where would she get the loans from?
And what do you mean when you say that your mom would live in a room with you next to the school?
It sounds like you’re really an incoming freshman with junior standing because you got your AA degree while in high school.
I haven’t read all the posts, but it seems that you have more power than you think you have. Your dad will provide for you, and essentially your mom will be cut off if that happens. Is that right?
Who provides your health insurance? Are you a US citizen? Are you a Calif resident? If so, it sounds like you would have qualified for a ton of aid from a UC if your mom had just cooperated.
There seems to be more to this story…
Now that I’ve read more, this is starting to sound unreal.
When did you apply to UCSD? And when did you decide to attend there?
Since technically you’re an incoming frosh with junior standing, aren’t you req’d to live on campus? Weren’t you assigned a dorm?
When did you pay enrollment fees for UCSD?
Your dad doesn’t need to trust the school to “earmark money” for you. Schools don’t do that anyway. Your dad would just need to pay for a quarter’s worth of tuition/fees, a quarter’s worth of dorm, a quarter’s worth of meal plan, and a quarter’s worth of books.
What does your UCSD portal say is owed now?
Why would a super-controlling mom say that you can’t get a job, leave the house, see friends…but then kick you out which would give you total freedom to get a job, leave the house, and see friends???
Is your mom legally here in this country? Some of this just doesn’t make sense. She’s from Asia, she doesn’t work, she has no income, no family here…how would she have legally immigrate here?
I’m starting to suspect that her fears about FAFSA may me that she’s not legally here.
We’re you born in this country? If not, are you sure that you’re legally here? Maybe one reason your mom is fighting the job aspect is because she thinks they’ll demand to see a social security card for employment.
I’m not asking this to be nosy…just trying figure out why the oddness…won’t fill out fafsa, won’t let you get a job, etc.
Unless the student comes back and provides adequate answers to the above 4 posts, this thread will be closed.
I think I have answered most of these questions tbh
She’s not illgally here though, she has an SSN. She has some financial past that she won’t tell me about. Like she was $10,000 in the bank but when I asked her she said it’s not ours, we can’t touch it, and it needs to be paid back. But it’s been there fore like before I was born so idek. She has also lied to insurance companies about not moving because when moving they need to do a bunch of investigations. She goes crazy when people investigate because she hates following directions and filling paperwork and people telling her what to do etc. It’s nothing legal I think, she just doesn’t want to, she’ll start screaming and yelling and refuse to cooperate.
She’s saying if I stay with her, she wants complete control over me or else I leave and never see her (which I think I’m planning to do).
No if I leave, my dad is not paying me anything. He’ll only pay through my mom, no exceptions he said.
I got into UCSD as a transfer student, I’m in junior standing yes. The enrollment fees are paid for already by my dad. UCSD doesn’t explicitly say atm what we owe, bc classes haven’t been registered yet.
@outblack2000:
First of all, since you just graduated HS regardless if you have an AA or not, you are not a transfer student. You are a Freshman (first time student) with Junior level standing due to your community college classes. Did all your classes transfer over for your intended major? You may find you need to take more than 2 years to complete your degree.
UCSD states that their Cost of attendance is $14,050 per year just for tution. Since they are on the quarter system, you will have to pay 1/3 each quarter unless you have a payment plan setup. If your mother is not willing to fill out any financial aid forms, how will you be paying this amount plus books/personal expenses/rent/food etc… Is your Dad covering everything even to move to a very expensive area to live so your Mom can be nearby?
You stated that you will live with your mother near school? Have you found a room to rent near UCSD? Do you know how much rooms go for near campus (800-1000+/month if you are even able to find something this late)?
How to you plan to commute to school? Do you have a car? What about health insurance? The UC’s require that you buy their health insurance unless you are covered by a parent and this is an additional cost.
I think there are way too many difficulties and restrictions dictated by your parents to consider starting school right now. How do you know your Mom will pay your school fees? You do not want to put into a situation where you have to drop out of school with money owed.
You need to take a Gap year and re-evaluate your situation and options. You need to get away from this toxic situation that your parents have placed you in. No relatives you can contact for help??
Be strong and I wish the best.
Have you contacted the career center at your cc for help finding a job? They can help you with your resume too.
So I think you said your Korean. There must be an Korean association to contact in your local. There might be resources for you and scholarships for college. You just might be able to find a job or temporary housing with a Korean family. Just a suggestion.
If I was in your situation… I would stay with the friend you mentioned earlier and get a job. I would take a gap year I think its better this way. I think its too risky to be staying with your mother due to her controlling habits and for some reason I doubt that your dad will send 20k+ for your school if he only send 1,200 a month for you and your mother to live off from.
You have been dealt a difficult hand and I’m sorry for that. I think that you should prioritize your mental health above all and that means breaking away from your parents. If you had a place to crash while you looked for a job and saved up enough for first’s month’s rent, last month’s rent and a security deposit, then I think you should look for an IT job based on your AA in CS. Your life will just not be in the same traditional order as a lot of people, but it can be as good as you make it nonetheless. Some companies have educational benefits where you can completely your BS part-time on your companies nickel. Getting a BS in CS is a pretty good idea.
I still don’t know your driving situation. In many parts of CA it’s hard to function without a car. Somewhere, sometime, you’ll need to learn to drive.
Build a life independent from your parents. There are several things you should know about financial aid. You cannot get financial aid without your parents filing a FAFSA unless you are either 24 years old OR married. Before anyone suggests that you get married for financial aid, which is fraudulent, I just think you should know, that should you happen to be legitimately married before you are 24, you can then apply for financial aid independently of your parents FAFSA.
You might be eligible for Year Up (help low income young adults get paid internships), https://www.yearup.org/future-students/who-can-apply/?location=los-angeles/ they take applications on a rolling basis.
Yea… story is odd. OP the questions you asked have been answered. Multiple times. Don’t trust mom. Don’t live with Mom. College may have to wait. You need Financial Independence asap.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I can’t think of anything left to say that has not been said. Good luck. Closing thread.