That’s why I think you should try hard to bring her to “the same page”. She must agree with you on why going back to home is a different route to the same goal, one that’s more “efficient” and to the best interest of the whole family. To be honest, I wouldn’t do that if my child was where I gathered from you your daughter is academically and socially at her BS, but like I said if it’s “something you have to do”, I think everyone involved would be better off if you put some real thoughts into the task and give her the sense that eventually she’s the decision maker, and yes I do think it’s doable without “permanent damages”, IF you two have been close and the right family dynamics are there. </p>
<p>^^Yes. Trying to get her on the same page. Intend to have some serious talks over spring break. And I appreciate your ability to understand out situatuon despite not agreeing with it.</p>
<p>“My main reason for boarding school was to enhance her chances of gaining admission to HYPSM”</p>
<p>This is in original post.</p>
<p>“Agree with everything you said. I have no doubt, DD will be successful/happy without going to HYPSM. Unfortunately, she doesn’t think so… yet. She wants HYPSM, it was a goal I could be supportive of so I wanted to support.”</p>
<p>This was a later response to me. </p>
<p>“My main reason” versus “She wants HYPSM”… THIS was the point of confusion for me, and why it seemed like the stories were changing, or at least not being told with total honesty. If the “main reason” was to make sure D could get what “she wants”, then this could have been articulated better.</p>
<p>^^Now I know where you were coming from as I was confused by your confusion. Point taken.</p>
<p>From what I have experienced and also voiced on CC is that HYPSM will NEVER happen unless the kid really, really wants it. It isnt something a tiger parent can just impose on a kid, it requires an immense amount of effort/sacrifice/drive over a long period of time on the kid’s part. And all this is to JUST to be in the running, then unfortunately it boils down to luck.</p>
<p>Sharpener, might I suggest some books that might offer a unique/ broader perspective on how to make your D a great applicant for the schools she’s interested in. </p>
<p>Cal Newport, “How to Become a Straight-A Student” and “How to Win at College”
Paul Tough, “How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character”
Ken Bain, “What the Best College Students Do”</p>
<p>They might even give you cause to chuck the grind of tutors and BS wagering and transcript finessing. </p>
<p>If one looks at your posts from January 20 and my post from January 23 it can be seen that your D is only considering HYPS. According to the references in Periwinkles January 19 post the biggest factor which reduced your D admittance chances to HYPS was the fact that you were unwilling or unable to go to HYPS as an undergrad.</p>
<p>HYPS vs. any Ivy + S</p>
<p>" What is being challenged is my heavy weighting on HYPSM (should be HYPS) as a way to determining the return on investment of BS."</p>
<p>If you looked at the matriculation rates for HYPS while your D was applying for BS you should have seen this as a high risk investment. If this is the only factor you will consider in making this decision then the answer is simple- your D should finish her last 2 years of high school at home and she should have never gone to BS in the first place.</p>
<p>If however you are more interested the question of what can I do to give my D the best chance at any Ivy League admissions, then the question becomes much more complex. With a 3.5 GPA and good test score her raw probability of admission to any Ivy league +S may be as high as 25%-50% depending on her BS and class rank. I question whether the probability would be that high at your local school. Other factors that will play a role:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Standardized test prep.- No question BS will offer her an advantage. I would start tutoring for standardized tests soon for your D even if she stays at BS.</p></li>
<li><p>Your D performance at school after she comes back home.</p></li>
<li><p>Recalculation of her GPA and the effect on her class rank after she transfers.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>“We, both parents and DC, too were very unhappy with our local options”</p>
<p>^^Perhaps the odds at a Non-HYPSM would be better if she stayed at BS. But for me, the incremental benefit just isnt worth the sacrifice.</p>
<p>We dont like our local options because teacher turnover is quite high, due to it being an international school. Also, it is a small school so EC and even class offerings are very limited. On the plus side, though, the students are pretty motivated and generally nice kids.</p>
<p>If you leave her in bs, she’s not likely to get into an ivy. If you pull her out, she’s not likely to get into an ivy. If all one cares about is college acceptance, I would think she’d do better staying at bs, simply because she is stable, happy, and thriving. She’ll probably appreciate you a lot more too.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine that pulling her out could do anything but damage to your relationship with her. Not to mention possible damage to her sense of self worth, because it seems like a rather cold and harsh statement that you think she has failed. I can’t see that helping her in the short run with college applications, nor in the long run with future life pursuits.</p>
<p>If I were in your situation, I think I would keep her at bs, and if that means less money available for college, then tell her that financial aid package will have to factor in when she chooses from among her acceptances. Honestly, I don’t see anything positive at all about pulling her out. I wouldn’t even consider it, except under dire financial circumstances.</p>
<p>If she is happy and you are not in a financial situation that would warrant bringing her hone due to not being able to afford boarding school anymore, you should not bring her home. B’s at an elite school are quite good grades, and if she keeps up her hard work she will get into a very good college. You should be proud of her accomplishments.</p>
<p>Jumping in late… If your family goal is HYPS and the kid is on a second year of B’s, then clearly you are wasting your money. The question is how much can you afford it? She will most likely get into a nice college and will be helped by the strong connections of the school to make it happen by staying. She will also make lifelong friendships in the BS (I have not read the entire 14 pages so am just assuming the kid has a nice social life since she doesnt want to leave). She may even be able to squeak in to HYPS on non traditional track being a full pay international with these grades from a strong BS (for instance Penn Nursing). On the other hand she will be going to a private school near home and you will have a kid with you for the next two years. She may even get all A’s in the last two years. Which will be a help, but still not a guarantee for HYPS since the first two years will bring her gpa down. I feel for you in your dilemma. I also dont think kids are so shallow that they will fall apart just because their toy was taken away. If she understands that the sacrifice you are making paying for BS is so great that your family is suffering then she will pull herself up anywhere. If this is just a fee that you can afford and she knows that, it may be harder to reason with her. However if at this late date you decided that for your family having a child so far away does not work, then thats an entirely different story and while you are completely within your rights to bring her back, it will be more difficult. Again I feel for you. Talk to the school. Perhaps if there is a decision to be made between keeping her in school and having her out of school, and what will make things right for you is financial help for the difference between BS and your local school, they may help (very slim but worth exploring in my opinion).</p>
<p>Why not just leave it up to her. If there is a limit to your financial contribution towards her education, just tell her. Sounds like chances of HYPS are slim whether she stays in BS or comes home, so why not let her decide where she wants to spend it. If she stays in BS, then financial aid package will have to factor in to her college decision, to a greater extent. </p>
<p>Don’t know if OP is still around, but I think their dilemma is not whether they have the resource but rather whether they should continue to spend it on BS, given that apparently to this family this amount of money is significant. From the college admissions perspective, they believe that BS is not helping (any more) given where the kid is academically and compared with their local option. The intangibles of the BS education are just not convincing enough to OP to justify the cost for the next two years, which many posters don’t agree but really OP is entitled to their opinions. I earlier asked posters to share their experience and thoughts on “connections” built in BS, and how they could be “better connections” than those in elite colleges but didn’t get any response. OP agreed they were interested to know, implying that they were trying to find more incentives to continue on this path. </p>
<p>I don’t think there’s so much “flexibility” in the financial aid packages coming from colleges if OP is seeking to enroll in the non-HYPS top colleges they could reach. They almost all only have need-based aid, and if OP is not qualified for any in BS, they won’t likely to be qualified in college either.</p>
<p>Perhaps I shouldn’t have called it FA package. There are state universities where one can get substantial grants based on merit, and you don’t have to be at the top of your class. If OP’s daughter is getting B’s in a top prep school, she would likely qualify. I live in MA, where it is not so difficult to qualify for full or near full tuition based on merit to MA state universities. We also know of strong, but not top, students from our public hs who got large merit based grants from UVM. One could also get some credits at a community college to reduce amount of time and money spent in a more expensive university. My point was that there are options if one wants to save $. I was just saying I would leave it up to the kid, both to avoid resentment, and also to teach them to make real life decisions. Sure, OP is entitled to their own opinion, but they did post here, so must have wanted ideas and input from others.</p>
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This thread is almost 2 years old, and the original has not been active for over a year. Use old threads for research only, but do not resurrect. Closing.