<p>I felt a bit constrained by the 200 word limit, but here is what I came up with. Does it say enough about me? Is it subpar, average, or where does it stand? What are your thoughts on it, pretty much?</p>
<p>Prompt: There is a Quaker saying: “Let your life speak.” Describe the environment in which you were raised—your family, home, neighborhood or community—and how it influenced the person you are today.</p>
<p>The first time my mother saw a television set, she was sixteen. My father got into college by memorizing every question on the annual entrance exam over a thirty year span. If I ever had thought that anything in life would come easily to me as the child of these two individuals, it would have been a grave misconception.</p>
<p>Most families have dinnertime conversations; we had Socratic discussions. My na</p>
<p>I agree with onhcetum, but at the same time, I don’t think this essay is excessively studying-focused; it’s uniquely academic, not just in the sense that you study a lot (if that makes any sense at all haha)</p>
<p>Additionally, the wording of “If I ever had thought that anything in life would come easily to me as the child of these two individuals, it would have been a grave misconception.” is a little confusing. I think it should be “had ever thought” not “ever had thought” and “as the child of…” might sound better as an appositive –> “to me, the child of these two individuals,” You also might want to consider changing “it would have been a grave misconception” to a more active sounding wording, like “I would’ve been gravely misled/deluded/I-can’t-think-of-a-good-word-sorry”
I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to imply by saying that your mother saw her first television set when she was 16. I’m not even sure whether that’s an early age to see a TV set or a late age.</p>
<p>As for ways to save space, there are a couple unnecessary things in there, like the “why is the sky blue” bit. It’s such a common example of childhood curiosity that you don’t really need it in your answer. And I’m not a huge fan of the “My parents have never mandated, never restricted. They have two rules: the first is “Always ask why” and the second “Do whatever you want, but excel at it.”” part.</p>
<p>And overall, the weakest part of this is the first paragraph. I like the idea of it, but I’m not sold on the execution. In fact, you could probably just cut it out completely.</p>
<p>Good luck
I say that genuinely because I’m not applying here, I don’t even recognize what college this prompt is from haha! :D</p>
<p>well, I agree that you should definitely shy away from studying as well as the overall problem with strange wording/things that can be cut.
This personal statement (to make sound blunt) makes you sound rather… study-obsessive. I mean, it is not beyond reason that you are naturally curious and enjoy intellectual material, but try to hone in on ONE aspect of that and discuss it. Right now it just sounds like a a list of things that happened throughout your life that make you sound like a study nut, which I’m sure you’re not, and that is not how you want to present yourself- albeit, a family-supported study nut.</p>
