Letters of Recommendation Request Strategies?

My son is in the second semester of his Junior year. It’s my understanding that it’s good for him to develop some degree of relationship with those from whom he’d need to request a letter of recommendation. My son has a couple of teachers who’d be happy to write a letter of recommendation for him. However, he’s not having much success in having his high school college counselor to get to know him. I think the counselor is burnt out, always in lousy mood and unresponsive to a meeting request, etc. It’s possible that she doesn’t even like my son for whatever the reason.

So my question is: is it necessary that he gets a letter from the college counselor or can he skip the college counselor’s letter? Is that depend on the college he’ll be applying to, or is it all his choice entirely? I’d hate to have him ask the counselor for a letter that’s not going to be effectively written. He’s currently in top 1% of his class with excellent EC with state and national achievements. He has done a marvelous job getting this far, and I’d hate to see an unreliable person ruin his chances at good colleges. Any advises?

Colleges will require a letter from the counselor. The letter will include the school’s profile and most likely the level or rigor of your son’s course of study. Colleges know that many (if not most) HS counselors are overwhelmed with students and don’t know many of them well, therefore they will not be thrown off by a “generic” letter from the counselor.

^^^^Completely agree. I would not worry about it.

That’s reassuring. Thanks!

We went out of our way to cultivate relationship with my kids’ GCs. I advised my kids to have playdates with their GCs. If it is not too late, I would have your son try to have a good relationship with his GC.
What the GC writes may not matter that much, but what he checks off on the recommendation letter will matter. Google the counselor recommendation form. My kid’s GC had the option of checking off if she was top 1% or 5% of her class due to rounding. The GC checked off top 1%.

Depending on your high school, you may also have the option of your son transferring to a different HS counselor. At our public HS, one of the GC’s was excellent in getting to know kids’ interests, chatting with them during lunch periods, etc. and wrote amazing letters for the kids who were at the top of the class. Another was, shall we say, better suited to help the kids who were heartbroken because of a breakup, or because so-and-so looked at her funny, before sitting at another table. Another was the assistant football coach who seemed to be only concerned about kids remaining eligible to play the rest of the semester. But kids got assigned to their GC based on alphabetic order. A concerned parent generally is not seen as overbearing or pushy if they want to advocate for their child, and to request a GC that is a better match for their snowflake.

There are schools that have one GC for 20 kids, while other schools may have several hundred kids per GC. The student is not faulted by colleges for things they cannot control. And for the most part, GC’s are generally willing to accommodate parental requests, to the extent possible, as they share the same goal of getting the best possible outcome for the child - they appreciate the help.

There are a number of threads about GC’s here at CC, with a lot of good advice, but they are not one-size-fits-all.

In your situation, OP, I would expect your amazing S will be a dream for the GC, even if she does not know him well. Having a concerned parent and a motivated, high achieving student, likely means your S has his act together, and has a great shot at getting accepted at multiple highly selective/elite schools. Your S will be organized and she won’t have to hound him for different missing information, or to explain what a good score on the SAT tests means, etc. There are undoubtedly scores of other kids who are not as easy to help - who may require a lot more guidance.

At the same time, it can be very frustrating as a parent to have to deal with a GC. I suggest you make an appointment with her well before the school year ends, to have a discussion about goals, etc, and to help set expectations. Some GC’s work over the summer months, others do not. Once you know the usual routine at your school, see what if anything might need to be different for your exceptional child, and then ask how you can help. Chances are, you can learn answers to any of your questions here, but meeting with her soon allows you the option to think about things over the summer. If your S writes his essays over the summer, or at least gets his list together, he will continue to be ahead of the game compared to the majority of other students. If the GC doesn’t have to help him pick a list of potential schools, she will be grateful for your assistance, and please stress how much you understand that you are working toward the same goal.

Best of luck.

I would find out if your school utilizes brag sheets, and see if there is any info on the school website about college prep/counseling. I would also have son ask teachers what info they need from him and when. I would then put together three packets (pocket folders with fasteners) for the two teachers and the GC. Here’s how I would organize it:

OUTSIDE COVER
Label with student’s name and respective teacher/GC name
“College Recommendation Packet”

INSIDE POCKET
Cover letter from student expressing thanks and summarizing contents of packet
Stamped addressed envelopes as applicable (most should be/do online but check)

FASTENERS
Spreadsheet of schools applying to (include school name, due date, method of submission, application source/number, major/school applying to, etc.)
Student bulleted highlights (this is what you hope they will focus on in case they don’t read the rest)
Student resume (look up examples online as these resumes typically include the time commitment/grade level for each activity)
Student brag sheet (if school doesn’t have a template you can find one online)
(And anything specific they ask him for)

Have him deliver packets in person. See if he can get appointment with GC to deliver/review. If not, he can walk to GC’s office and hand-deliver (she may appreciate his efforts to make her job easier). Although this is helpful for recommendations, it will also help him with applications to pull all of this info together. This is not something you need to rush into now. It will be helpful to do before applying, but he can deliver to them around the same time and even as soon as school starts in the fall (unless they have other deadlines).

I would personally “back date” anything I sent to a GC. If the due date is 12/31 let them think it’s 12/15, and so forth.

Also this is always a good resource:
http://mitadmissions.org/apply/prepare/writingrecs

Great advises here and very thoughtful. Much appreciated!