<p>What life milestones should your child have reached before going away to college? Here is a start:
1. Knowing how to drive
2. Knowing how to manage finances (credit card, Quicken, online banking)
3. Having had a job (finding it and keeping it)
4. Having had a boyfriend/girlfriend (starting a relationship, keeping it, and breaking up)</p>
<p>If you don't mind, I'd like to propose that your question change to "What life milestones has your child reached before going away to college?"</p>
<p>We have a number of posts on "life skills" that students should know before going off to college. I think that this would be a great place for people to list their child's personal milestones that have been reached before leaving for college. Some students, for example, live in cities and haven't needed to learn how to drive. A lot of students won't be using credit cards upon entering college. Many socially healthy students won't have any kind of serious or stable romantic relationship until college. On the other hand, many students have fought hard for victories that are significant for them but not significant for every child. </p>
<p>What do you think, PortlandParent?</p>
<p>Know how to make a bed.........
Know how to cook a meal..........
Know the basis of consideration, that is, call a parent once in a while....
Be organized, that applies to schoolwork and one's room
Have some basic knowlege about credit and debt and managing one's finances(good luck with this one, maybe learn as you go here)
Be somewhat emotionally mature, that is, don't down a bottle of pills because people did not say Hi in the cafeteria or snap out or be rude
If you are going to the 'Big City' for college, be able to cross a street with busy traffic
Be able to do laundry......... and on and on</p>
<p>Most important milestone S reached (besides all the "housekeeping stuff") was to be independent, to stand on his own two feet, learning to be responsible for himself in success and in mistakes, making decisions based on his own thought process without relying on parents to tell him what to do. Going from dependent child to independent young man who has confidence in his own judgement and ability to figure out all the other small stuff along the way.</p>
<p>Dear son has been driving himself and his friends around for two and a half years. He says he's looking forward to NOT having a car at college. At least the first year. Casting and directing a play was a hugely maturing activity this year. I'm pretty sure he's good to go.</p>
<p>I confess I don't like the idea that "having a bf/gf" and learning how to start and break up a relationship as things that a person "should" do before attending college. I think that's the kind of thing that needs to happen on its own schedule--the last thing a student needs to hear before leaving college is that they've flunked an arbitrary schedule. Many kids are not at that social stage yet--it shouldn't be forced.</p>
<p>I also don't think that students need credit cards before college--or even in college, for that matter. Not that it's wrong or bad, but I disagree that it's necessary.</p>
<p>Following up on previous posts, there is a great deal of overlap between life milestones and life skills, especially at this age when it may still be too early to recognize a particular event or skill or accomplishment as being a milestone in someone's life. Driving before college in and of itself may not be a milestone, but using specific skills for the first time that were gained beyond driving may have been a milestone - when the student had his/her first flat tire, dead battery, snow storm - and demonstrated that he/she could handle the situation on their own. </p>
<p>As packmom and corranged suggest, acts that reflect a student's ability to become independent are perhaps what distinguish milestones from merely life skills, and this will vary for each person. For purposes of this thread, some of our kids' "first" experiences might be considered milestones if we perceive that the resulting skills or knowledge learned from them - while surrounded by a familiar support system - has somehow prepared our student for college life in a specific way. </p>
<p>In my own S's case, for instance, a major milestone for him might be spending a month in Germany during the summer after his Jr year in hs, which included living with a German family for some of that time away from his group. Since S has Asperger's Syndrome and had never been away from home on his own for this period of time before, this was a significant accomplishment for him, to deal with a completely different culture and language on his own, along with all the social and communication issues that he deals with on a daily basis to begin with. And it was a major factor in influencing my belief that he could survive at a college hundreds of miles from home.</p>
<p>how to really solve a problem. all the rest will come in time. that is part of what college is about.</p>
<p>D (at boarding sch) has pretty much covered OP's list and being a city kid she, she has "street smarts" and can navigate any public transit system (even Paris!). </p>
<p>I am hoping, however, that she becomes more tolerant of others and generally more reflective (avoiding knee-jerk or opositional responses).</p>
<p>Knows how to work and save $. </p>
<p>Knows how to navigate airports alone.</p>
<p>Has courage to ask for help (academic or other) if needed. </p>
<p>Probably doesn't know how to cross streets--rural kid at rural college.</p>
<p>No to the relationship thing. I don't think that forming instense emotional/physical relationships and breaking up is good practice for anything--except more of the same later. Plus, it distracts kids from their studies.</p>
<p>I agree with garland & atomom. </p>
<p>Re: credit cards -- Kids can learn budgeting & spending discipline just by having an ATM card/checking account.</p>
<p>Developing organization ability & time management skills is huge. D reached that milestone long before she hit double digits. I have a ten year old son & I really don't think there is enough time between now & college for him to accomplish that. I worry that he will need a Jeeves to survive.</p>
<p>SS--organizational ability and time management are foreign concepts to my 21 year old son! Somehow he has survived this far, though with a lot of bumps in the road he coulda avoided.</p>
<p>I agree with portland parent with regards to the bf/gf relationships. Too many times you hear of the "girls/boys gone wild" in college. I've been able to help my daughter through her first experiences with the male gender and am happy to of helped. I'm glad I was there for her to come to. That may not be the case when in college. Also, it is nice for girls/boys to communicate with one another on the same inexperienced level. That also may not be the case in college. Experienced boy meets inexperienced girl, I'm glad that won't be my daughter. </p>
<p>Also, some people talk about the credit card issue as if it's the plague. Teach your kids well and they won't have credit issues. I always tell the kids (like my mom said before me) pay your bills first and if there is any left over then you have some to spend.</p>
<p>Yeah, it's great that it worked out that way, but would you have wanted her to enter a relationship for the sake of a relationship if she wasn't ready or didn't want it?</p>
<p>I'd say 'has had stable, functional friendships' instead. After all, friendships are great prep for relationships that allow kids to learn how to interact with people, and a lot of the same issues come up (consideration, appropriate assertiveness, loyalty, trust).</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree with the posters who are kind of cool on the relationship idea. I think that if you develop general maturity (and sense of self), you won't be particularly suceptible to the girl/guy gone wild phenomenon whether or not you have been in a relationship. I think that phenomenon is more likely to strike kids whose parents kept them back from relationships in HS, not those who were personally disinterested in relationships. </p>
<p>If I were to add an important life skill I would put down the ability to politely and relatively engagingly converse with adults/strangers/etc. Too many people, in my opinion, either a) are afraid to talk to less familiar faces or b) don't understand that you speak differently to adults/authority figures than you do to your friends. There is a difference between casual and formal speech, and more people should heed it.</p>
<p>Voting! (Voted last Tuesday for the first time.) :)</p>
<p>Know how to roll a blunt.</p>
<p>Milestones are singular events, IMO, not life skills.
So key milestones (a list of possibilities) would be:
Birth
HS graduation
College graduation
Wedding
Divorce
Death</p>
<p>Of these, I would hope your average 18-year-old entering college would have achieved only the first two.</p>
<p>Ha! I like the last two posts a lot....</p>