Madison essay prompt #1

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Wisconsin
1

<p>If you could please review my essay for madisons first essay prompt which is...Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you! Heres my essay...let me know and thanks in advance for your critiques </p>

<p>In this day and age where phones and electronics are everywhere its hard to just get away. Our phones are constantly ringing with emails or text messages engulfing all our time.Our lives are hectic being filled with sports, dates, and other events. Its hard to find places to do uninterrupted homework let alone time. Now, i’m not saying its a bad thing to engage in these activities but often times they lead to unneeded stress and poor performance. I like to make a point weekly if not daily to try and get away from the unnecessary materialistic goods and noise in my life. This is not a noticed tactic by really anyone but it’s importance to me is surreal. Without these little breaks; the stress of everyday school, track, and relationships could start to take a toll on those things, the things most important to us. The mental stress can start to make you weary and it’s not a secret that you don’t perform as well when you don’t obtain enough sleep. This may lead to worse grades in the classroom for me, worse times on the track, and unhealthy relationships because i’m simply exhausted. Besides that its important to me, its nice to get away from the emotional and physical stressors of everyday life.
Without being able to just lay down and think it or do some homework in a quiet room it would be much tougher for me to perform at a high level. I take pride in everything I do and to do that I need to get away. It’s like a mini-vacation where i can sort things out and figure out how i’m going to tackle a situation. Not being bothered by sometimes meaningless texts or phone calls is a lost art of my generation. Many people including myself become distracted by their phone or other electronics during homework which takes away your focus and may cause frustration, and inevitably underachievement follows. This is why I take my “mini vacations” from my phone and life in general to just relax or get some homework done uninterrupted. Its important to me to maintain healthy relationships, do well in my sports, and most importantly to do well in school and to do that I need some unnoticed get aways.</p>

2

<p>I think that you can get this topic to work, but it needs revising. Keep it personal throughout; get rid of “our”, “many people”, etc.</p>

<p>If you are desperate and don’t have anyone else to help you, PM me.</p>

3

<p>I dont have enough posts to pm you but i could definitely use the help</p>

4

<p>How about starting like this?</p>

<p>Like most teenagers today, I have a cell phone and am constantly bombarded with calls, emails and text messages. On top of that, my life is filled with sports, dates, and other activities. I enjoy being busy and social, and it’s important to me to be involved outside of the classroom, but sometimes it all feels overwhelming.</p>

<p>One thing that goes unnoticed in my life is the way I cope with stress and find balance in my life. On a weekly, if not daily basis, I take a step back from the hustle and bustle, put down my cell phone, and focus on what is really important to me. </p>

<p>You want to use the essay to promote yourself. For example, talk about all of the activities you are in, and in spite of that, how you excel in school. Play up any awards or recognition you have received. Talk about what is really important in your life and what your goals are, and how getting rid of distractions will help you reach your goals. Talk about what you have learned from this and how it will make you a better student at Madison. The aim here is to convince them to accept you!</p>

5

<p>is this better or not personal enough?. thanks</p>

<p>Like most teenagers today, I have a cell phone and am constantly bombarded with calls, emails and text messages. On top of that, my life is filled with sports, dates, and other activities. I enjoy being busy and social, and it’s important to me to be involved outside of the classroom, but sometimes it all feels overwhelming.One thing that goes unnoticed in my life is the way I cope with stress and find balance in my life. On a weekly, if not daily basis, I take a step back from the hustle and bustle, put down my cell phone, and focus on what is really important to me.
Almost everyday I partake In some sort of extra-activities. It varies whether its track workouts, homework, service club, or coaching my little brothers basketball team. These activities take a lot of time and effort. For example, i am my teams track captain and am consistently the first one there and the last one to leave which can be a long time. The important thing here is not the amount of time it takes but doing the job to the best of my ability so i can be the best that i can be. This attitude follows suit with everything i do, leaving me little time to “just be a kid” and stressed out at times.However, these are the things that are important to me. Helping people out has always been a passion of mine and is which is why I want to be a doctor later in life. It has made me a valuable asset to my school and community. Getting away from my phone and computer has proven to be very valuable to me. It allows me to just think about what’s important in life and how to tackle a difficult situation. It also, lets me decompress so I can perform at my highest level at any given time. I have been able to maintain a 3.34 cumulative GPA at a challenging academic catholic high school, serve my community, and become an all-state track athlete due to my coping mechanisms. It’s amazing how much they have helped me now but will be exemplified in college where I try to achieve my goal of getting into medical school.</p>

6

<p>Much better! Here’s my re-write just to give you some ideas.</p>

<p>Like most teenagers today, I have a cell phone and am constantly bombarded with calls, emails and text messages. On top of that, my life is filled with activities such as sports, coaching, and volunteer work. I enjoy being busy, and it’s important to me to be involved with activities outside of the classroom, but sometimes it all feels overwhelming. </p>

<p>I have a very hectic life. In addition to taking challenging courses at a rigorous Catholic high school, I am involved in many extra activities. It varies whether it is track workouts, homework, service club, or coaching my little brother’s basketball team, but I am constantly on the go. These activities require a lot of time and commitment. For example, I am my team’s track captain and am consistently the first one at practice and the last one to leave. It requires extra effort, but as a leader, it is important for me to set good example for my teammates. I am proud to say that, my dedication has paid off. My team (cite accomplishments) and I was named to the all-state track team. </p>

<p>One thing that goes unnoticed in my life is the way I cope with stress and find balance in my life. On a weekly, if not daily basis, I take a step back from the hustle and bustle, put down my cell phone, and focus on what is really important to me. By getting away from electronic gadgets I am able to concentrate on my school work, set my priorities, and tackle difficult situations. It also allows me decompress so I can perform at my highest level at any given time. </p>

<p>Through my involvement in volunteer work, I have come to realize that I enjoy helping and serving others. I have been very blessed, and I have decided that the best way for me to give back to society is to become a medical doctor. The University of Wisconsin-Madison is a wonderful academic school, and I know that if I am privileged enough to attend it will be a great step toward realizing my dream.</p>

<p>During my high school career, I have demonstrated that I can lead others and perform at a very high level in both the class room and on the athletic field. In addition, I have developed good time management and coping skills which have enabled me to handle a very busy schedule. I know that these skills will serve me well in college. If given the opportunity, I will do my best and strive to be an asset to the university.</p>

7

<p>Thank you so much and i was wondering if you could take a look at my second prompt essay? the prompt is Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement…</p>

<pre><code>All you hear about about the university of wisconsin-madison is positive. The university is diverse, the academic opportunities are abundant, and the atmosphere is amazing. First and foremost the biggest reason i’m applying is the academic aspect of the school which is known to be ranked as one of the best in the country. Seeing as I want to go to medical school and be a doctor, UW-Madison is perfect. Friends have told me that the pre-med route here is tough but they felt that they were extremely well prepared for the MCAT and were unknowingly happy with their decision to attend UW-Madison. Another reason i’m applying here is because of the diversity of the people and the views they possess. This is important to me because the area I go to high school in, is a very uniform community in terms of their political and religious views. Everybody where I live basically has the same views on everything, it severely lacks diversity. This is why I would love to attend a diverse university like UW-Madison.
If I was accepted into this prestigious university I would make the most of it. Starting with extra-curricular activities I would be able to run track at the division one level. I would continue my hard work that has allowed me to get looked at athletically in high school to make a positive impact on the track team. Going along with that, I have seen many programs that help kids go back to school or food drives that some members of the track team have participated in. I see this as a great way to give back to the community and would definitely be something I would participate in yearly to show my appreciation for the opportunity to attend UW-Madison. As for other research opportunities I would certainly be volunteering time at a local hospital or looking for possible laboratory work. By volunteering at these places not only would I make a positive experience but I would gain advantageous experience for medical school. At UW-Madison this is a more realistic possibility than other universities having multiple hospitals nearby and even a medical school. I believe I would be a beneficial asset to the school academically and athletically I would love for the chance to attend this wondrous university.
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8

<p>Your welcome. Best of luck to you.</p>

9

<p>I edited my message so you didnt see it but if you could take a look at my other essay prompt that would be awesome…its posted above</p>

10

<p>Perhaps someone from admissions will read these and hopefully dislike having rewrites by someone else…</p>

11

<p>I gave him/her suggestions on how to approach the essay and provided an example of how I would write it. I wouldn’t expect him/her to submit it. I haven’t searched, but I’m sure it’s possible to find many examples of college essays on the internet.</p>

12

<p>yes i took his/her to suggestions to make a final draft i didn’t just use the re-write verbatim</p>

13

<p>The edits make it a bit better.</p>

14

<p>Do not post essays on public forum!!!</p>

15

<p>Hah, lioness4 does have a point. The plagiarism risk is pretty great.</p>

16

Did you get in to Madison?