<p>I hate titles. They have a holier than thou ring to it.</p>
<p>I think there is a need for a new etiquette handbook for clarifying proper behavior for relationships established through the internet...</p>
<p>On the email question: I'm with the people who say that if she signed the email "Paula" then she wants to be called Paula - certainly it is a not a faux pas to do so. If she had signed her full name, e.g., "Paula Jones".... that would NOT be a first-name invite -- and if she was very strong on formalities, then she would have signed her email, Dr. P. Jones, Ph.D. </p>
<p>When I was an undergrad in the 70's, I called a lot of my profs by their first names. In fact, it was a little bit of a shock when I got to law school, and all of the suddent he profs wanted to be called Prof. so-and-so ... kind of like being in high school again.</p>
<p>My kids had to deal with that oddity earlier than I did -- I sent them both to a K-8 school where there were no grades given and the kids called all the teachers by their first name. So it was a big change when they got to high school and were expected to call their teachers Mr. or Ms. so-and-so. Though apparently it's not such a big deal at my daughter's school, because she is on a first name basis with about half her teachers. </p>
<p>My son was on a first name basis with his college profs, at his east coast LAC ... so it's not just a west coast thing. Probably more of a campus culture thing. </p>
<p>Age had a lot to do with it - that is, the age of the professor or teacher. I would never have dreamed of calling the woman in her 70's who taught my college Shakespeare class by her first name... but my 30-something departmental advisor was a different matter entirely -- he seemed way too young for me to be calling him "Mr."</p>
<p>I've found an interesting rule of thumb: the students who ask how I'd like to be addressed I'm generally pleased to have call me by my first name; those who presume and use my first name are those that I would prefer called me Mr. TheDad.</p>
<p>I am anticipating a slightly awkward possibility next year where I may be auditing a high school class. In which case I've thought it through and the students should all call me by first name as I will do to them.</p>
<p>Shortly after my oldest son started talking, he figured out that his parents had first names, and went through a brief spell of calling us by them, always with a big grin on his face. I always responded with "That's Daddy to you," or "That's Mommy to you." That stage passed after about a month. After he started watching "Clifford the Big Red Dog," he tried calling me "Big Guy" a few times; my response was the same.</p>
<p>In seven years of higher education (five of which were in California), I had one professor who insisted on being called by his first name. Everyone else was "Professor **<strong><em>", never "Doctor</em></strong>*."</p>
<p>To this day (I'm well into middle age), I refer to the parents of my peers
as "Mr." or "Mrs." I call my own in-laws "Mr." and "Mrs.", but will refer to them by their first names when I'm talking about one of them to the other one.</p>
<p>In my family, we referred to aunts and uncles by their first names, without the honorific. Most of my nieces call me by my first name, without the honorific. Most of the children of my friends call me "Uncle ***. My parents called their in-laws "Mr." and "Mrs."</p>
<p>I have a dear friend who's about 80 whom I have known since I was 20. I can't bring myself to call her anything but "Mrs. ***." I've always called her older sister by her first name, perhaps because I was a few years older when we met; maybe it was because I was friends with her nieces and nephews, who used her first name.</p>
<p>I'll never forget the shock of being called "Mr." the first time; it was by a librarian, when I was 18. I'll also never forget how annoying it was at 28 or 29 when the 22-ish sister of one of my employees persisted in calling me "Mr." after I asked her to use my first name.</p>
<p>Professors are addressed as "Prof. Smith" by undergrads and as their first name by grad students. Grad students are often on a first-name basis because they're like co-workers.</p>
<p>My oldest attended schools K-12 where parents and teachers went by first names. I believe that there may be some profs at Reed who use Professor in some circumstances- but generally no.
My youngest attended schools K-8 where parents and teachers went by first names- while her current high school the teachers do use an honorific- some also use their first name- prefaced by Ms.
Parents use what they are comfortable with- most go by first names.
But once you are 18- you are an adult as well- obviously use what they want to be called-but I don't think it would be unusual to call them by first name</p>
<p>I just went back and read 1st post & saw you are in Seattle. me too.
Ya first names. I don't know any prof at UW who goes by professor unless they are on a radio show and trying to impress people enough to read their book- not saying that there aren't but its pretty informal around here- one reason probably that my daughter prefers the left coast
For those of us who are comfortable with using first names- it feels like putting up a wall between students and teachers to use titles.</p>
<p>I agree that signing the email with her first name is not an invitation to use it. When emailing my nieces and nephews or friends of my children, I use my first name to sign it. But only because it sounds very awkward to sign an email "Mrs. ________". I certainly don't expect them to use that in a reply. Nor would I expect my children to call adults or older relatives by their first name simply because they received an email or note signed that way.</p>
<p>And there's certainly nothing wrong with being old fashioned. Better safe than sorry.</p>
<p>People in India would be scandalized if I called them by their first names</p>
<p>The prof may also have accidentally signed just her first name. One of my friends, a middle aged college prof who teaches in a business school, wrote a memo to her colleagues and accidentally signed it "love" and with her name. </p>
<p>She had gotten distracted by her child before she finished the memo, and accidentally tacked on the "love."</p>
<p>When she realized it, she felt idiotic. Fortunately, she says, the faculty responded with unusual warmth. Sometimes silly mistakes can have unexpectedly nice payoffs. :)</p>
<p>Back to the original question. Having looked through all of the various thoughtful replies, I think that the best thing still is to respond to call her "Professor (Last name). If she wants you to call her Paula, she'll tell you directly.</p>
<p>When it comes to using titles, it's usually better to err on being too conservative than to drop the title and possibly be regarded as rude or presumptuous. People who prefer not to be called by title do not take offense if a person calls them their title. The people will let the person know in a nice, straightforward way that it's OK to use their first name.</p>
<p>What a tempest in a teapot! I guess it must be mostly a generational or cultural thing. I always called my parents mom & dad, but after my mom passed away and my dad started dating again, he was very insistent that I call him by his first name, and not "Dad", in front of his dates! He'd introduce me as his daughter, but I guess he didn't want me to rub it in by repeating the "Dad" part too often. I've always called his 2nd wife by her first name -- obviously she's not "Mom" to me and never has been, and it makes no sense to call my Dad's wife "Mrs. Dads-last-name" -- especially since she has kept her last name from her previous marriage to the father of her 4 kids. And of course to call her "Mrs. First-Husbands-Name" would be quite an insult to my Dad, and could be easily be misinterpreted to mean I was hostile to the marriage. And then there's that whole thing about whether to use Mrs. or Ms. if talking to a married woman whose kept a last name other than the one that belongs to her current husband. </p>
<p>Our kids call us Mom & Dad, but I always use my ex's real name when talking about him to the kids.. or else I will say "your Dad". My ex will use "Mommy" when talking about me to the kids, which I find terribly patronizing, especially when he talks that way to our 22 year old son.... besides, neither kid has called us "Mommy" or "Daddy" since about age 3. </p>
<p>Sometimes I call my kids by the dog's name... which is another issue entirely.......</p>
<p>"Sometimes I call my kids by the dog's name."</p>
<p>LMAO! And S gets annoyed when I call him by his brother's name!</p>
<p>I think for Simfish the best practice is to use Dr. or Professor. For the prof to sign "Paula" is not an invitation to first name basis discussion, IMHO. In the same situation (searching for research with professors he had not met) I advised my son (who had the same question) to respond "Dr. XXX"...</p>
<p>I don't think the OP should lose sleep over this, but I personally feel like titles should be use when corresponding over the internet. First names are for people who know each other; unless you're corresponding regularly with this person, an email back and forth across the net makes it unlikely that you two are familiar enough to be on a first-name basis yet.</p>
<p>As to the branching discussion on what to call one's parents, a lot of Asian parents here make it easy : ). They call their kids "little sister", or "big brother", and so the reciprocation of "mom" and "dad" goes unquestioned. First naming an asian parent is asking for a tongue whipping :p, but isn't it interesting that while West coast friends-of-parents insist on kids calling them by their first names, Asian friends-of-parents etc feel slighted if you don't call them 'uncle' or 'auntie'.</p>
<p>That makes it super for me, flying from Asia to California every summer. I declined to call my summer professor by his first name (which he got slightly miffed about) because it felt so odd, and when I fly back to Asia it feels just as odd to call random strangers 'aunt' and 'uncle' again...</p>
<p>My husband only began using his advisor's first name after he had successfully defended his PhD thesis. I think that was a rite of passage for him.</p>
<p>At my children's Quaker school, we refer to the faculty as Tr. Mary, Tr. Lee, etc. It is a title of respect and I always felt honored to be Tr. Annie when I was helping at the school. I can't imagine my kids' friends calling my "Mrs."; I'd be looking around for my mother-in-law.</p>
<p>Wow, thanks for all of the responses! I guess for the future I should always address profs by "dr." although for this case it's a fait accompli so I shouldn't stress about it too much - I doubt she'll really remember me several months from now anyways.</p>
<p>I only call one adult by their first name, my mom's very good friend who's been our next-door-neighbor for 5 or 6 years. But otherwise, I feel uncomfortable referring to any adult by their first name.</p>
<p>I call most adults by their first names -- but when I first meet a friend's parent it's kind of awkward. I've gotten so used to it that I can't really call them Mr./Mrs. but I don't want to begin using their first name without the invitation. Which has always been issued. Teachers, it's always been whatever they introduce themselves to me as, which is generally Mr/Mrs etc, professors I haven't yet yet but i certainly wouldn't call them by their first naem without an invitation. My aunts and uncles are always just a first name but my great aunts and uncles are Aunt/Uncle____. I guess my family/friends are unusual though...</p>
<p>If you want to call her by her first name, but feel awkward doing so, try something we do in LA all the time...call her Miss Paula</p>
<p>Yup, we had neighbors from Arkansas, and the parents insisted that their kids called other adults Mister James, Miss Paula etc. Always made me feel like I was in another era. Kinda cute though, and a compromise I guess.</p>