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Depending on your odd hobby, you could tell him to invite her over for that. Right now I would happily take a girlfriend for my son who was willing to fold fabric edges for my Christmas projects! Otherwise, you should plan an activity and have him invite her for that. “Its family tamale making Saturday, my mom asked me invite you” “We are having our family gingerbread house making contest, my mom wants us to come.” Or if he wants a super quick visit for the first one “My mom offered to wash my bedding, wanna come with me to drop it off?” THen you invite them to dinner when they come to pick it up 
Your kid is making this more awkward than it needs to be.
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I’d ask your son for suggestions of things she enjoys/is comfortable doing. Remember his gf will be at least as nervous as you (probably more).
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This was exactly what I had thought of - doing some sort of food prep together and then eating it.
@greenbutton - why no dinner? Is it the time of day they are available or is your ds imposing that restriction?
You are overwhelmed with one coffee visit, many of us would be planning for week long stays so multiplied complexity. I guess being welcoming and thoughtful is most important, details won’t matter much if they felt at home.
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AKA “Social Media Stalking” (I would never do it, of course…). The wonders of 21st century dating 
Sorry, no way to avoid that… One day, I will describe the first time my wife met my parents. They adored her nonetheless (and still do), and she did not break up with me…
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To me it seems like the anticipation is what is making this stressful.
I feel as though the son thinks this is the one and wants to orchestrate the meeting to be perfect.
We’ve always welcomed all family member’s friends as if they would be welcome forever.
They got us as we are, quirks and all.
Some just popped in for an overnight on a road trip, others became ‘the one’.
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This sums his whole life up 
They could stopped by at any point, on many different pretenses that I did supply/suggest, but he was firm that she would decide when she was ready and we have respected that. I agree it would have been less pressure if that had happened, but not my decision to make.
I liked the pizza idea, actually. I will have to see if he can compromise on the "no meal"idea, but it is also a matter of logistics with work schedules. DH says we should make smores even if they are messy, “because who doesn’t like to burn marshmallows?”
He is as happy as I’ve ever seen him, and if she is the reason, how could I not like her?
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I like the idea of mixing it up and heading to an event, like walking through town with Christmas lights and stopping for a coffee or even a college athletic event which gets loud, but it is low pressure. No one feels obligated to cover up a silence.
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We hadn’t been planning to meet anyone and just had thought we’d spend a lot of time with S as usual when we were in DC for a meeting I had to attend. S happened to mention he’d like to bring a friend, so we asked is it male or female? Of course friend is welcome and S could pick restaurant since we are celebrating his birthday.
He chose a great restaurant and we had a wonderful time. The food was great and no one appeared nervous nor self conscious and we all got along. Wei sister S drive the GF home rather than her catching metro (which she often does).
Try not to overthink and have fun (easier said than done). Don’t try to cram too much into this visit, let things develop organically.
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My suggestion is to be as nice as possible to her. There are enough “evil mother in law” stories that you want to set the tone as kind, welcoming and supportive right away. Have fun!
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My one suggestion is don’t overthink. We met S’s gf when I flew to campus for an award presentation he was getting. She walked in and sat with up and then we all went out to eat. It was as if she had always been there. They had been dating just a few weeks at that point. Over Christmas she came to visit at our house and has been in and out every since (even though school is 11 hours away). I can’t wait to see her again in a few weeks. She liked my scrapbooks and wanted to look at those the first time she came here. It is 4 years later and glad we just didn’t overthink things.
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This is a good idea. My high school son and his girlfriend made pizza with us one weekend. It was fun and gives you something to do while you talk.
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If a kid says she/he wants to invite SO to visit during winter break, how are we supposed to help with the arrangements? Any etiquette tips about time frame, invite, flight, room, meals, gift etc would be appreciated from more experienced and detail oriented parents!
My 20 year old’s SO lives 1 1/2 hour from us, and started coming here early freshman year, because we are midpoint between the university and his home, so he’d drive her back and forth. He usually brings a little gift when he stays here and she does the same visiting him. He sleeps in her room, I honestly don’t know where she sleeps when visiting him. I’ll make dinner if they don’t have plans, they fend for themselves for other meals (like everyone else).
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OP, I would also tell your son that he should “take the lead” in keeping conversation going as well. This isn’t your job to entertain her, it’s his job to make the meet and greet comfortable for EVERYONE. No one should be “on display” - it should just be a group of people who care about each other and getting to know each other!
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If they are old enough to ask a partner in a relationship to come visit, they are old enough to figure out and take care of most of those details!!!
Ask if there is anything you can help with but they should take the lead.
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I let my son take care of most of that. We didn’t pay her airfare or anything but we provided most meals. They like to cook so they cook for us a lot when they are here. First time I just asked my son if they would be sharing a room (no young kids in our home), what she liked to drink and for breakfast, how long she was staying and a small gift idea suggestion. Their first day here I gave them my debit card and sent them grocery shopping. Since then it has all just been easy. 4 years later she vacations with us or with son, a ring has been ordered and engagement coming soonish.
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With several of ShawSon’s GFs, we met them when we visited and took the couple out to dinner. We met ShawSon’s current GF and eight months after their visit, his fiancee, when they visited over Christmas/New Years after driving cross-country to meet us. She planned the trip. We had talked to her on Facetime several times before the trip. If she is visiting you, as others’ suggested, I would stay away from a planned activity unless it feels right. I think we had dinner ready for them when they arrived. On their trip, we went to an outdoor museum, went hiking, etc. I think we watched several movies together. They worked on several evenings as they are on West Coast time and needed to work full days. But we followed their lead, especially at the beginning. And, it was in pre-vax Covid, so we mostly stayed with each other.
Do you FaceTime your son? Is the GF there? If yes, maybe have him bring her into the call and you can ask her if there are any foods she likes or hates and if there is anything she wants to do when she is visiting. That way she will sense that you are trying to learn about her and meet her needs.
With respect to sleeping arrangements, with the first couple of girlfriends, we asked our son if the GF would be more comfortable sleeping in a separate room or with him. With subsequent GFs, he was living with them so we just planned for them to sleep in his room.
We tend to pay for dinners at restaurants and groceries (though on our Thanksgiving visit, ShawSon paid for the first night’s takeout dinner). I’m sure ShawWife asked what kinds of foods she liked. Fiancee had Whole Foods (?) deliver a case of diet coke as we don’t have any in the house.
I can’t remember where/when we met ShawD’s BF. They were living in our city. By the time they moved cross-country and hence needed to sleep at our house, they had been living together for several years. So no question that they would share a room when visiting us. I think we took them out for dinner on a regular basis when they were living in the same city as us.
I think just being natural and not forced is probably the best thing overall.
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